Idyllic Vision of Love
Most of us grew up with an idyllic vision of love from “Happily Ever After” stories and movies. This idyllic vision took us on a roller coaster ride, full of twists and turns. We’re in relationships that aren’t ideal. We stay in relationships that are clearly over. We don’t fully express ourselves for fear of getting hurt. We do these things in the name of love. I know this to be true because this was who I was.
When we’re busy trying to make our relationship work, trying to save a relationship that’s over, trying to please our partner, there’s no opportunity to consider, “What if I have the power to create my ideal relationship?”
You Have the Power
It’s truly within your hands to create the love you desire. After trying many different ways, I’ve found these three steps to be the most direct and sustaining way to create true love.
Step 1: Be Authentic (e.g. who you’re being)
“Be Authentic” is about discovering and knowing the core of who you are. It’s a matter of uncovering limiting thoughts and beliefs that keep you from your true essence. Once uncovered, you can build a resourceful foundation of thoughts and beliefs that empower you to design the love you want. An example of being authentic is communicating and expressing yourself from your true self, which builds a deeper understanding and connection between you and your partner.
Step 2: Take Inspired Action (e.g. what you’re doing)
Being authentic leads you to take inspired action once you get clear on your ideal relationship. When you know who you truly are, the action you take comes from within and is not based on what your partner does or says. Action taken based on your partner includes pleasing him to gain his approval, doing something for him to get something in return. You’re taking inspired action when you experience no misunderstandings, no mixed messages and no second guessing.
Step 3: Create True Love (e.g. what you have)
Being authentic and taking inspired action leads you to true love. Having your thoughts, beliefs, feelings and actions in alignment allows you to move with more ease and clarity in creating your ideal relationship. You’ll know that you’re creating true love when you feel expanded, open and have an inner knowing that love is here now. Creating true love by being authentic and taking inspired action will guarantee the perfect love for you.
A simple way to remember these steps is this — who you’re being in the relationship leads to what you’re doing which leads to what you have.
Create Your Vision of Love
Is who you are and what you’re doing giving you the love you want? If “no” is your answer, ask yourself, Who have I been in my love relationships? What have I been doing in my love relationships? What kind of love relationship have I attracted? Answer these questions truthfully and gain the insight and awareness to redirect your approach to love.
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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Glad I’ve finally found something I agree with!
This all sounds good but what about finding someone? From what I see, there is no one around to date. They want no long term commitments, just sex. The internet is the worst place to date for me. And, in AA, I find no one, they’re scared of relationships. I have been married 3x. Probably not good at picking the right ones. And, yes, I was (still maybe some) codependent. I keep picking guys who are sick, mentally and now physically. I am 57 and do not like men my age. I prefer someone in their mid 40′s to early 50. But, they want young girls. Where do you find a love?
Dear Rene,
We tend to attract partners based on where we are in life. If we have unresolved issues (i.e. limiting thoughts and beliefs such as, “there is no one around to date”, “they want no long term commitments”, “the internet is the worst place to date, etc.”; repeating unhealthy relationship patterns, etc.), we will continue to attract people who perpetuate the cycle that keeps us stuck.
While it’s true that the men you’ve dated and had relationships with contributed to the demise of these relationships, you are the common denominator in all of your relationships. Take responsiblity for your role by uncovering and understanding the unhealthy relationship patterns that have shown up in all of your relationships, and how these have contributed to the demise of your relationships.
How we look attracts a man, but who we are inside is what keeps a man.
Self love and knowing your worth are inside jobs and necessary in order to find true love.
When you can fully accept, embrace and love yourself – your good side and self-perceived bad side (parts you try to hide from others, are ashamed of, deny, etc.) – you will attract a high quality partner. The more you love yourself, the better the foundation you have to sustain love. The energy you send out will then be one of abundance. When we don’t completely love ourselves, the energy we send out is a “lack of” or “not enough” energy. We tend to look for someone to complete us. When we approach love in the way, we will never be satisfied. From my experience, the way to true love starts within.
We also tend to settle for unhealthy relationships and bad partners when we don’t know our worth. Knowing your worth is about understanding what is acceptable and not acceptable to you, and then responding from that place (vs. reacting, not listening to your intuition, letting things happen, not speaking up, going along, etc.). It’s about knowing and living from your core values.
If you are serious about finding true love, work on loving yourself fully and knowing your worth first. If you do this, you’re love life will improve dramatically.
With Love,
Janet Ong Zimmerman