Love More, Judge Less

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 02/28/2012

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“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” – Mother Teresa

What you judge in your partner is also in you

Have you found yourself trying to change your partner? Trying to control him? Thinking you’re right and he’s wrong? If so, these are forms of judging. Judging implies that something is wrong with him, that he’s not good enough. It’s easy to fall into the habit of judging the people closest to us, especially our partner.

Continuing down the slippery slope of judgment makes us feel disconnected with and unloving towards our partner. When we think it’s him, we’re unaware that what we judge in our partner is also in us. For instance, if you’re missing a deep connection with your partner, you may think (you’re judging) your partner lacks substance or is shallow. If you reflect on who you are in your relationship with him, you’ll find instances where you’ve lacked substance. This quality of shallow you’re judging in your partner is also in you. This can be hard to swallow.

Why judging is harmful to your relationship

Using good judgment can be healthy in decision-making. But, judging your partner negatively in a love relationship is detrimental — it keeps you and your partner from experiencing a meaningful connection and fulfilling relationship.

Focusing on your partner’s negative aspects keeps you feeling separated and disconnected to his true beautiful essence. It prevents you from experiencing love that’s rich and dimensional. Ultimately, the more you judge your partner, the less you’re able to love him and your relationship.

When you’re busy judging your partner, you’re not living your own life. You’re minding someone else’s business which means you’re not minding your own business. This is no way to live.

How to move from judgment to love

Questioning yourself in a curious way opens your mind to consider different perspectives. Answer these questions, “What aspects do I tend to judge about my partner? Where in my own life am I like this?” When you begin to see that you’re like him and he is like you, you’ll feel more compassionate the next time the aspects you judge about your partner come up. You’ll feel more connected and loving.

What you focus on is what you get. By focusing on the good qualities of your partner, you’ll experience more good in your love life. Remember to love more and judge less.


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  • Suzanne

    Thank you for this! I just Googled “Judge Less Love More”, and your blog came up! It is a great find! I plan to check back in soon!!

    • Dear Suzanne, thanks for letting me know. I’m so glad you found my blog. 🙂 I hope this new year is off to a great start for you. Take care.

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