Judging yourself for the mistakes and failures in your love life is pointless. Mistakes and failure are simply results. They are for your greater good and here’s why…
It’s Happened to Me
The ups and downs of my love life were hard to stomach at the time. Heartache from relationships that didn’t work out, disappointment from men who didn’t feel the same way about me, not being confident in thinking I could have the love I desired, worries I had about love…all contributed to making me feel like a failure.
Back then, I didn’t understand why I kept making the same mistakes and failing in my attempt to find love. It seemed like love happened to everyone else, but me. It usually takes a life-changing moment (i.e. hitting rock bottom, a major blow, wake up call, etc.) for people to wake up and make a major change in their life. I was no exception. Multiple breakups with a man I dearly loved, led me on my journey of personal and spiritual growth.
Once I had this wake up call, it wasn’t about blaming my exes for what had happened. It was about looking inward. Since I was the common denominator in all of my relationships, the disappointment and heartache I experienced had more to do with me and less to do with them. It became a time for self reflection, which led me to take responsibility by doing the inner work to transform my love life. In the process, I discovered my passion for helping other women do the same.
It’s for Your Greater Good
Although it may not seem like it, your disappointments and heartache are all for your greater good. All of our past relationships prepare us for true love. It’s easy to be skeptical about this because we perceive these disappointments and heartache in a negative light. For instance, each time we experience a series of bad dates, relationships that go nowhere, unreturned love, etc., our mind automatically goes to the negative thoughts we’ve come to believe.
These negative thoughts leave an energetic imprint in our body, reinforcing that what we think is true. When we hold onto these thoughts with the energetic imprint, we let them define us, which leads to repeating the same mistakes.
In order to break out of this cycle, don’t believe him when he says, “It’s me, not you.” Don’t hold onto your ex when it’s over. Don’t focus on his shortcomings. Don’t keep asking, “Why me?” questions. These keep you from owning and taking responsibility for the results that have happened in your love life.
You are not your mistakes. You can redefine your experience of love and create it on your terms.
It’s Up to You
Repeating the same relationship patterns will give you the same results you’ve always gotten. If you want a different and better love life, practice these six suggestions.
- Be aware of how you’ve contributed to bad dates, relationships that go nowhere, unreturned love, etc. Identify the unhealthy patterns within yourself that continue to show up in your love life (i.e. not communicating openly, being passive aggressive, being swayed by others, not listening to your intuition, etc.). Then do the inner work to improve in these areas.
- Set and honor your boundaries. Determine what’s important for you to have, feel and experience with your partner and in a relationship. Then make decisions and choices based on the boundaries you’ve set. This is one way of loving yourself and knowing your worth.
- Ask bigger questions like, “How will I learn from this to create a better experience the next time?” “How can I see this situation in a way that better supports me?” “What is the perfection in this?” Asking bigger questions open up your mind to other perspectives and possibilities. Answering these questions provides a solid foundation to learn and grow from.
- Build a healthy and supportive belief system. Whenever stressful thoughts come up, observe them with judgment-free awareness. Then look for positive thoughts that you can believe to be as true or truer. Every time these stressful thoughts come up, breathe deeply and replace them with the positive thoughts you’ve identified as true or truer.
- Be strong enough to stick to what you want instead of getting pulled back into the same relationships with different men or sidetracked into wasting time with men who aren’t right for you. This requires you to know what you want so that you’ll settle for more instead of less.
- Do whatever it takes by to have the love you want. Learn on your own or from others who’ve created their ideal love life. Changing habits so that they become second nature takes time, patience and consistent practice. Stay the course and reward yourself for making progress along the way.
Be patient with yourself when practicing these suggestions. Love doesn’t happen when you want it to. It happens when you’re ready. Change is a gradual process. As you change from the inside out, you’ll experience higher quality men and better dates, which ultimately leads you to your ideal relationship.