Continue Doing the Inner Work
As mentioned in my Understanding Men post, we’ve focused on doing the inner work to create your ideal love life. While I believe this is the most important and direct way to true love, understanding men gives you additional insight and perspective.
You’re the common denominator in your love life. When you don’t take responsibility for your role, you’ll project your negative experiences onto men and buy into society’s stereotyping. For instance, if poor communication has been present in all of your relationships, you might buy into the stereotype that men can’t express their feelings. If you look within, you’ll find that you’re inability to communicate has attracted men with similar communication patterns. Your opportunity is to improve your communication skills.
Understand the Beliefs Behind the Stereotype
As you work on improving your communication skills, here’s what you can learn about how men view expressing their feelings. A big reason men are reluctant to share how they feel is the reaction they get from women. When they don’t think they have a safe space (e.g. they’re being judged, not accepted, not respected, not heard), they shut down and don’t want to open up. While this goes both ways, for the sake of this post, we are speaking about men.
When we understand the beliefs behind the stereotype, a window of understanding and compassion opens up to help us approach things in a healthier manner. Ken Solin, author of Act Like a Man, opens this window in his Huffington Post article, Communicating with Men: Why Touchy-Feely is Unmanly.
Here’s an excerpt, “Getting in touch with and in control of your feelings isn’t touchy-feely. On the contrary, it can free you from outmoded ideas of manhood and help you hold up your end of an emotional dialogue and create true intimacy with a woman. It’s the pathway to empowerment.”
To continue reading, visit Communicating with Men: Why Touchy-Feely is Unmanly.
Ken Solin is the author of Act Like a Man. For 20 years, he has worked with men to help them move beyond the issues that limit their lives. Visit his website for articles and a documentary about men and relationships.