“Approach love from love, not fear. If you take the loving approach, you’ll create an intimate space where you and your partner are connected at a deeper level.” – Janet Ong Zimmerman
A woman approaches love from fear when she does things that push good men away. There were times in my love life when I was critical, when I tried to change the man I was with and when I held onto my anger. When I stopped doing these things, my love life changed for the better.
My intention for sharing this with you is to help you learn from my past. Here are some things to stop and start doing that will better support your journey to love.
Stop #1: Being critical
The more critical you are of your partner, the less you’re able to see things for what they are. You’ll make mountains out of molehills, compare him to others, and cause him to shut down.
Start #1: Being judgment free
When you find yourself thinking critical thoughts, center yourself by taking some deep breaths. This will help you become aware so that you can observe the thoughts in your mind without judgment. Be like a third party observing these thoughts. The more you practice this, the more these thoughts will drop, allowing you to think thoughts that better support your relationship.
Stop #2: Trying to change your man
Accepting your partner is a way to show him your love. Trying to change him is like rejecting who he is, which makes him feel unloved. Pushing your man to change when he’s resistant will create more distance between the two of you. He will only change if and when he wants to.
Start #2: Letting your man be who he is
Enjoy his wonderful qualities and appreciate his quirky ones. Your desire to change him is really a call to look within yourself. Look within to determine what you’d like to change.
Stop #3: Holding onto your anger
It’s human nature to become angry with your partner when he upsets you which leads to a confrontation, an explosion, the silent treatment, etc.
Start #3: Responding instead of reacting
Instead of becoming angry, be aware and curious about your response. If you can be objective about the situation, you’ll notice that your interpretation of what he did was what actually upset you.
The next time he asks, “What’s wrong?” Instead of saying, “Nothing” and holding onto your anger, respond truthfully. If you’re not ready to talk, say something like, “I love you and am __________ about your behavior. When you did or said ___________, it made me feel __________. I just need some time to process my feelings before we talk.”
A man’s perspective
Curious about a man’s perspective? David M. Matthews, author of Every Man Sees You Naked: An Insider’s Guide to How Men Think, shares insight on three things men dislike about women. In his article, you’ll learn why unfavorable comparisons, helpful suggestions and “You should know why I’m upset”, are behaviors to avoid if you want to create a harmonious relationship.
On a final note, choose to approach love from love. When you take this approach, your man will completely love and respect you.
David M. Matthews’ book, Every Man Sees You Naked: An Insider’s Guide to How Men Think, is inspired by a lifetime of being the “relationship advice guru” for his numerous female friends and co-workers. For more information about David, visit his website.