Dear friends, Michael and I are co-authors of the international best seller Sexy Secrets to a Juicy Love Life. I’m excited to share a wonderful post from him about a valid subject that many women have experienced or may worry about. His perspective will give you insight that may help you know what to do and ease your mind.
How do you keep your man from cheating on you? It’s very simple. Give him everything he needs.
Now I said everything he needs, not everything he wants. There is a difference.
What he wants is bacon or steak for dinner 3-5 times a week. What he wants is for you to do naughty things for him like striptease on a weekly basis. Or have a threesome with the girl on the lingerie billboard every Birthday and Christmas. Not every guy wants that, but some might want that. That doesn’t make him a bad person those are just some of the random things he has thoughts about during his day. Those are his wants. Not his needs.
We all want different things and some things can be abit too much for us to deliver. Let’s face it: You can’t give people everything they want because then you’d be unhappy and exhausted all the time and that would be no fun. Where would you get what you wanted, right? But you can give your partner what they need. When you do, you’ll be more likely to receive what you need in return.
Back to cheating: People, not just men, but people cheat because they aren’t getting what they need in their relationship. We as humans will look for satisfaction in other places if we aren’t fulfilled with what we have. (It’s obvious, no? Just look at food and eating disorders.)
What does your man need?
A Sense of Freedom– Men are programmed to be free. It’s still there in the caveman DNA to want to go out and plant seeds everywhere as much as possible. So while he doesn’t need to plant his seed everywhere literally,he does need room to breathe, some time in the man cave, and a little time apart from you never hurts either. He can’t feel constricted or suppressed. Otherwise, he will seek breaths of fresh air elsewhere; for example, in the arms of another woman.
Your Feminine Beauty–Whether married or committed to you in the long term, he is choosing you. He is choosing you, because he wants to be with you. But what helped make his decision is your beauty. He likes seeing your face. He loves your touch. He wants to see you smile. He wants to see you shine. When you do, you take away the dreary, sometimes monotonous manner of his masculine mission. Feminine energy provides a much needed reprieve to the ‘go and do it and get it done now’ energy that men have. So whether you believe it or not, he sees your essence, your true beauty and that is part of why he loves coming home to you. It brightens up his day. You brighten up his day. Don’t darken it with your clouds of doubt, stress, concern and worry. If you lighten up, he will too!
Male Bonding Time – Just as he gets his feminine energy and nourishment from you, he also needs the balance, the other side of the spectrum. He needs to sustain himself with his brothers and the other men in his community as well. He needs to know that other men are living their life, doing their thing also. He needs other male perspectives from time to time, success stories and support. They provide him with relaxation and peace of mind. Whether playing a sport or just hanging out, a beer with the guys goes a long way. Yes he wants to be with you, but he never wants to feel chained to you.
Sexual Satisfaction–You two should be doing it or making love at least a few times a week. Men need sex. Men love sex. It doesn’t matter if you have kids, have mortgages, or have passed your 50’s – Sex is always supposed to be part of the equation. Nowhere is there an expectation, or an understanding that after a certain event happens in your relationship, the flame goes out and the sex drive dies. However, something can cause it, but don’t hold that against him. Don’t try to manipulate him with it as women sometimes do. That is a one way ticket to the city of loneliness via “he cheated on me” victim hood. The unfortunate case usually is if you don’t please him, other women will.
A side note: If you think his libido or yours will turn off after a set period of time or circumstances; it might. However, if it does turn off, get it back. And fast! Either way, just stay in communication with him. If you have something going on, he will understand once it’s explained to him.
Take good care of yourself – Treat yourself like the sexy woman that you are. Feel good about yourself and your body and have confidence. Believing you are worth all of his attention will also convince him of it. My partner’s aunt who has a ridiculously successful marriage once told her: “Tell a man you are the most beautiful and the most worthwhile woman consistently and he will wholeheartedly believe you and treat you as such.”
These are the major needs of men. Understand them well if you want to keep your man from cheating on you – and if you want a healthy, loving relationship.
This is from my experience, but also from my research in writing books, conducting and participating in workshops and focus groups and more. But the only way to find out what your man needs… is to ask him. And then have a conversation about what you can and can’t give him.
Great relationships are all about getting what you need. That’s why we say things like, “My needs are not being met.” Although some people don’t say the words, they jump into someone else’s bed instead.
What parts of this article resonated with you the most and why?
Michael Santonato is The Relationship Master and a International Best Selling author of the books, Sexy Secrets to A Juicy Love Life and “Single & Stuck: 3 Massive Mistakes Women Make in Their 30’s When Looking for Love.” He helps frustrated and stuck singles find a great partner and keep a great relationship. In Michael’s program clients elevate their level of self worth, self love and overall clarity & awareness. In a short period of time one moves from single and stuck to clear and confident. After 4-6 months of working with Michael you are in a great relationship you love. In his spare time, Michael also happens to be the world’s best uncle.