Reasons to Stop Obsessing Over Your Ex

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 05/06/2014

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When we lose one blessing, another is often, most unexpectedly, given in its place.” – C.S. Lewis

Whether a breakup is mutual or one-sided, most women have a hard time not thinking about their ex.  I’ve had a hard time with this and if you have too, you know how hard it is to forget someone with whom you once shared your most intimate moments with.

While thinking about your ex after a breakup is normal, when does it become obsessive?  If your mind is constantly spinning over what happened, why you’re not together, how to get him back, etc., you are obsessing over him.  If you are doing things like stalking him (i.e. showing up where he hangs out), cyber stalking him (i.e. checking his Facebook to see what he’s doing and who he’s with), drunk dialing him, or calling him and hanging up when he answers, you are obsessing over him.

Obsessive thoughts that manifest into unhealthy behaviors will lead you down a slippery slope of more pain and heartache.  But you don’t have to go down that slope – here are 7 reasons to stop obsessing over him.

Why You Should Stop Obsessing Over Your Ex

Reason #1: Obsessing keeps you stuck

When your mind is fixated on your ex, chances are you’re stuck in the past or wishing and wanting things to be different.  This keeps you from the self-reflection that is needed to learn and grow, and heal yourself from within.

Reason #2: Obsessing keeps you from seeing things as they are

Whether there was a misunderstanding, the timing wasn’t right, or a different reason for the breakup, the relationship ended because something wasn’t working.  After a breakup, it’s common to think of the good times and let the bad times recede into the back of your mind.  If you are thinking mostly about the good times, you won’t be seeing things as they are.

Reason #3: Keeps you from living your life

Focusing on him will have you going through the motions of life instead of living your life.  Life is precious.  Your life can only be lived when you are present and focused on yourself.

Reason #4: Obsessing causes you to play games with your mind

Your mind can trick you into thinking things like, “If only I…”, “What if…?”, “Did I really do everything I could?”  These thoughts and questions keep your mind in turmoil, preventing you from being at peace with what’s happened.  Don’t play this game – you have done the best you could based on who you were and what you knew at that time in your life.

Reason #5: Obsessing doesn’t mean he’s thinking about you in the same way

Just because you can’t stop thinking about him doesn’t mean he thinks about you the same way.  If he really can’t get you off of his mind and wants you back, he will come back for you.

Reason #6: Obsessing won’t bring him back

Obsessive thoughts that lead to irrational behaviors will have the opposite effect of what you desire.  Instead of bringing him back, it will reinforce in his mind that he is better off without you.

Reason #7: Obsessing keeps you from being open to someone who is better for you

When a relationship is truly over, it means there is someone else who is a better fit for you.  Being consumed with thoughts of your ex will cause you to be closed off to the possibility of a wonderful man.

Focus on Yourself

The best thing you can do for yourself is to stop obsessing over your ex.  Instead, focus on healing yourself so that you can transition from heartache to hope.  Do things that soothe your soul.  Be kind and gentle with yourself.  Be with people who care about you.  Spend time in environments that instill a sense of peace.  When you heal yourself, your heart will once again open up to love.

What other reasons can you think of to stop obsessing over your ex?

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