Are You Exhausted by Love? Learn How to Relax Your Tired Mind and Heart

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 07/01/2014

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Women are amazing, capable and strong.  They can achieve virtually anything when harnessing their minds and hearts.  They strive to be successful in their career, to raise wonderful children, to be the perfect friend, to be there for family, and to find the perfect love.  If you relate to these women, then you understand that too much striving is exhausting.

The Breaking Point

Striving creates an abundance of problems and eventually leads to feeling drained and worn out.  Striving is focused on doing, thinking and pushing, not being, feeling and allowing.  Striving implies that something is missing within and is found outside of you.  In romantic love, striving, doing, thinking and pushing through to find love tends to lead to disappointing results, especially when looking to get love from someone else.

Have you been exhausted by after trying so hard only to feel disappointed, frustrated and worried because you still don’t have the love you most desire…?  I’ve been here and understand how the struggle from trying so hard and the pressure from stress weighing heavily on your shoulders are enough to bring you to your breaking point.

Your breaking point is where overwhelm, worry, uncertainty and anxiety reside.  It’s where you are tired and losing your will to continue on the same path.

Listen to Your Mind and Body

If you are at this point, it’s time to take a break.  While your mind may be trying to convince you to push forward, your feelings and body do not lie.  When it’s time to take a break, it will show up in these forms of dis-ease.

  • Your mind isn’t letting something go
  • You are in a funk and can’t stop feeling down about your situation
  • You constantly think something’s wrong with you
  • You can’t see the silver lining in the cloud
  • You are not sleeping well
  • You are not properly taking care of your health
  • Your body consistently feels worn out
  • Certain parts of your body ache and hurt
  • You get sick and take a longer time to recover
  • Your face breaks out with dry patches, or rash, acne, etc.
  • You feel conflicted, dissonant, depressed, or have an overall sense of discord

It is at this time that you most need to relax and stop striving so hard to find love.

Take a Break

Stop what you’re doing and take a break from your efforts to find love.  Instead, care for yourself by focusing on you in a loving and kind manner.  In doing so, you will find self love transforming exhaustion into well-being.  This will empower you to approach love through renewed eyes, mind and heart.

Here are 11 practices to rest your exhausted mind and heart while rejuvenating your desire to once again find love.

1. Turn inward

Much of the exhaustion you feel comes from trying to make things happen with someone else or trying to control things to happen a certain way.  Instead of focusing on things, people and situations outside of you, put your attention on yourself. This means letting people be who they are, and letting things and situations happen without feeling responsible.  This also means just being when you’re not sure what to do.

2. Stop trying to figure things out

Trying to figure things out can be exhausting because when someone says or does things that you don’t agree with, you’re not going to find the answer you want. Trying to figure things out will only keep you feeling bad about that person and questioning their motives.  Realize that not everyone you meet is going to handle things in a way that agrees with you. I believe people handle things in the best way they can based on where they’re in their life at the time the situation happened. In other words, people are doing the best they can based on their level of consciousness – understanding this can help you not take things personally.

3. Release expectations

When things or people’s actions don’t happen the way you expect them to, you will always be let down.  This is why having expectations can be exhausting.  Release expectations and replace them with intentions.  Intentions allow for more flexibility and for things and people’s actions to happen the way they are meant to.  With intentions, you will be less disappointed.

4. Set your troubles aside

Write down the things that keep you up at night, things that make it difficult for you to be present and things that keep you from happiness.  Then write down how you would like things to be.  Set those aside for now as there is no need to take action on them now.  Revisit them after 30 days of practicing these 11 ways and your troubles will not have happened, will have dissipated or you will see them in a new light and be better able to take positive action.  You will find that many of the troubles you’ve worried about not coming to fruition.

5. Accept things, people and situations as they are

What we resists, persists.  When you resist what is, you will struggle and feel exhausted.  Accepting things, people and situations as they are doesn’t mean you are condoning them.  It just means that you are accepting that the thing, person or situation is happening in this moment.  Acceptance helps you see things for what they are, keep a clear mind, and be open to other perspectives.  When you are in this place, you will understand why things are happening the way they are and be at peace with the outcome.

6. Practice forgiveness

Holding onto resentment, disappointment, anger, hurt or any other kind of emotion that drains you is exhausting.  Not being able to forgive someone for what they’ve done can eat you alive.  The practice of forgiveness is one of the most worthwhile lessons to learn.  Forgiveness is something you do for yourself, not the person who hurt you.  Forgiveness doesn’t mean you think what the other person did is right.  It means that you are releasing their hold over you to not feel weighed down.  When you forgive, you feel lighter, at peace and happy again.

7. Tell yourself more empowering stories

Most of the stories we tell ourselves as humans tend to be negative and limiting.  When we believe these stories to be true, we feel exhausted.  Catch yourself whenever you find yourself repeating the same old story, and tell yourself a more positive story that you can believe in.  Tell yourself positive stories will remove the clouds of despair and let the sunshine through.

8. Spend time in places that make you feel at ease

The environment you’re in can make you feel stressed or at ease.  Be aware of the spaces that make you feel relaxed and open.  These are the kind of spaces that you naturally gravitate towards.  If you notice yourself instantly relaxing once you step on the sand at the beach, spend as much time as possible here.  Find your relaxed space and make a conscious effort to be there.

9. Surround yourself with positive and loving people

Hanging around people who are jaded, skeptical or look at the glass half empty is exhausting.  Identify the people in your life who drain your energy and stop spending time with them.  If they are family and you’re not able to stop seeing them, limit your time with them.  Notice who you feel uplifted by and who leaves you feeling good about yourself.  These are the kind of people to surround yourself with.

10. Practice meditation

Being on the go and always doing is exhausting.  If you find yourself always on the go and doing stuff, take a break by practicing meditation.  Meditation cultivates stillness anda sense of well being within.  If you tend to overanalyze and overthink things, meditation will help your mind relax its grip on having to know why.  And as you practice meditation on a consistent basis, you will find more answers within stillness.

11. Soothe your soul

When obligatory acts become a way to get love, we become exhausted by doing things we think are necessary.  Obligatory acts like doing things because you think it will make your partner happy even though you don’t want to can wear down your soul,  Think of all of the things that make you feel good – the kind of things that soften harsh edges, where you feel cozy and warm inside.  It can be as simple as drinking a cup of tasty hot chocolate while wrapped in a soft blanket.  Whatever these things are, do more of them.

Practices That Cultivate Well-Being

Make a conscious effort to practice the abovementioned ways for the next 30 days and you will notice well-being replacing exhaustion.  Making these 11 practices a way of life will help you spend more time in the present moment where you will feel relaxed, recharged and rejuvenated.  When you feel good, your mind and heart will open up to love.  In this place is where you will find love with more ease, freedom and inspiration.  What will you begin to do to relax your tired mind and heart?

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  • connie phakedi

    Thank you Janet for this insightful, well-written article.

    I am inlove with the way I react and behave these days. While learning to love and appreciate myself are on top of my list, I realise that even my kids are no longer subjected to constant yelling and criticism. I am learning to be compassionate and reasonable towards life.

    I liked it today when something which used to frustrate me happened and my immediate response was to distance myself from it by accepting that it’s not about me…. I am going to need you in March next year when I go on my first date with a high quality man!

    Keep well and take care, love always Conn ♡♥♡♥

    • Dear Connie, thank you for letting me know you enjoyed this article. I’m so glad that you have been learning to love yourself. You will find (as you are now) that self love transforms not only you, it is also changing the way you relate with your kids in a positive way.

      That is wonderful about the way you handled a normally frustration situation. Keep in touch and let me know about the high quality men you are meeting. 🙂

      Sending you much love. Janet

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