Why Real Intimacy is the Key to Love

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 07/29/2014

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“Intimacy is not purely physical.  It is the act of connecting with someone so deeply, you feel like you can see into their soul.” – Unknown

Intimacy is essential to a healthy and fulfilling relationship.  With intimacy, you experience a deeper connection with your partner and increase the likelihood for lasting love.  Without intimacy, you feel disconnected from your partner and worry if your relationship will stand the test of time.

What Keeps Intimacy Away

Intimacy is experienced on a body and soul level when you are vulnerable and open to what is.   Intimacy can’t be quantified or rushed.  Intimacy doesn’t happen when trying to think your way to love and wanting things to happen now.

Here are the most common a woman unintentionally does that keeps intimacy away.

  • She holds onto past hurts
  • She guards her heart
  • She doesn’t let herself be vulnerable because she sees vulnerability as weak or as a way to get hurt.
  • She doesn’t know how to open up in a way that leads to a deep and meaningful connection
  • She tries to rush things and may share too much information too soon
  • She has sex too soon with a guy hoping that their physical connection will turn into more

I did all of those things at different times in my love life.  And when I really liked a guy, the illusion of intimacy I felt was really based on infatuation instead of a meaningful connection.  If you relate to this, you may have felt let down once the initial excitement of infatuation wore off.  Infatuation (and lust) will give you a false sense of intimacy and keep your connection on a superficial level.

Real intimacy is like fine wine.  It takes patience and time to develop.

Why Sex is Never the Way to Real Intimacy

This topic is so important that it deserves its own mention.  Having sex too soon and hoping things turn into a committed relationship rarely happens.  Sex is based on a physical connection while real intimacy is based on multiple levels of connection (i.e. emotionally, mentally, physically, shared activities, etc.).  When you have sex early on without really knowing each other, there is not enough to sustain a deep and lasting connection.

It’s in your best interest to hold off on having sex until you know each other on multiple levels.  When a man knows and likes you beyond your physical attributes, you increase the possibility for things to turn into more.  Instead of hanging out and hooking up, he will want to spend the time getting to know you at a deeper level.  This paves the way for intimacy to come your way.

Where Intimacy is Found

“Every intimacy carries secreted somewhere below its initial lovely surfaces, the ever-coiled makings of complete catastrophe.” ― Elizabeth Gilbert

You may have heard intimacy referred to as, “In to me, you see.”  This means to let your partner see the cracks of imperfections you try to hide.  Start letting your partner in by being more of your true self.  If you have always tried to show your positive side and are having a bad day, it’s okay to let him know how you’re really feeling.

Real intimacy comes from being your true self.  When you are seen for who you are – the good and not so good – your partner feels comfortable letting you see his self-perceived flaws.

Accepting and embracing each other’s imperfections lets you experience a deeper level of intimacy than you have ever known.  When you are loved for your true self, you will finally feel free to love the way you’ve always wanted to.

Continue reading to learn how to bring intimacy back into your relationship.

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