Are You Doing These Things to Complicate Your Love Life?

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 01/06/2015

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When it comes to dating and relationships, most every woman does things she doesn’t mean to that complicate love.  If you can relate and are struggling with love, it doesn’t have to be this way.

Common things you may be doing that make love harder and ways to simplify love

Here are eight things you may be doing to make love more difficult, and what you can do to simplify and enjoy love with more ease.

1. Blaming your partner

Blaming your partner is more convenient when things go wrong.  You get to be right and there’s a certain sense of satisfaction knowing he’s wrong and you’re right.  But instead of bringing you both closer, it creates more distance and ugly energy.

Blaming is a way to keep from taking responsibility for your role in the situation.  It keeps you from looking within, learning your lessons and growing into your best self.  Regardless of who is right or wrong, instead of demanding that your partner change his ways, consider how you may have contributed to the situation.  Then do what you can to change within.  Work on listening to understand instead of getting defensive and blaming him.  When he sees you handle things differently, he may feel inspired to change.

2. Holding onto your past

Letting go of disappointment, skepticism and heartache from past dates and relationships not working out is something every woman has had a hard time doing.  Yet the energy that is carried forward from holding onto your past will keep you from being truly open to love and leads to more disappointing and painful experiences.

Holding onto your past is like holding onto something that is no longer good for you.  Make peace with your past by letting go of baggage so you can enjoy your experiences.  This means questioning and reframing limited beliefs, being aware of the unhealthy patterns that continue showing up so that you can work on creating healthier patterns that support you in having your heart’s desire.  When you’ve made peace with your past, a space of gratitude opens up for love to come your way.

3. Being afraid to express yourself

Not saying what you really mean, talking around the issue, being passive aggressive, or thinking he should know what you mean or want, are signs that you are afraid to express yourself.  Not saying what you mean causes confusion and misunderstanding.

If you’re afraid to express yourself, you may think it’s because you don’t want him to take things the wrong way, hurt his feelings, or you won’t get what you want.  The way he is going to take what you say or if what you’re saying hurts his feelings is not something you have direct control over.  Looking for a certain outcome from what you are saying is also not in your direct control.  Being afraid to express yourself is really about not wanting to feel out of control.

You can get over this fear by setting an intention of what you would like (instead of needing things to happen a certain way), being present and speaking from your heart, then allowing what is supposed to be, happen.  Start speaking your voice so that you will be heard and understood.  In doing so, you will understand each other more and he will feel more comfortable opening up to you.

4. Worrying about things that happened or might happen

Your mind is powerful – it will keep you cycling through things that happened or may not happen if left unchecked.  As a result of living in an over-thinking society, you may find yourself worrying and being concerned with seemingly real stories when they’re actually imagined.  When this happens, notice the thoughts you are having with judgment-free awareness and the tight, constricted or uncomfortable feeling in your body.

These are signs that your mind is in the past or present.  Since the only time we have is now, live as much as you can in the present.  When you are present, you see things for what they are and not what you’ve imagined them to be.

5. Having expectations

Expectations will cause you to hold tightly to how things should be because you’re wanting a certain outcome.  Expectations set you up to fail.  When you don’t get what you want, you will feel disappointed, frustrated, angry, sad, etc.  And the energy from this will definitely complicate your love life.

Instead of having expectations, set intentions.  Intentions are more flexible and allow you to be with what is so that you can co-create the love you desire with the Universe, higher power or God.  Intentions help you relax and open up to what may be.

6. Wishing things were different

Whenever you are resistant, you are wanting things to be different.  Resisting what is only magnifies what is and continues to bring more of what you are resisting.  Every time your partner does the thing you keep resisting, it will continue driving you crazy unless you find a way to accept that quirky part of him.  If not, your resistance will drive a wedge between the two of you.

If you want to simplify love, accept who he is (unless he is immoral, unethical or treats you poorly) or change yourself.  If you’re not able to accept him as is, let him go so he is free to meet a woman who accepts and embraces his quirkiness.

7. Trying to control things

We are comfortable with what’s known and tend to fear the unknown.  This is why we tend to control things, thinking we can make things happen the way we want them to.  In doing so, we may miss out on experiencing the nuances and real meaning of love.

There is truth in what the Dalai Lama said, “…sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.”  The truth is, there may be something bigger and better coming your way that you don’t know of.  Be clear in what you want, then make choices in favor of what you want, and let what’s meant to be come your way.  In doing so, you are better able to let things flow and unfold naturally, and enjoy love with more ease.

8. Doubting you will find love

Doubting love exists is understandable when dates and relationships don’t work out.  Doubt perpetuates more doubt and leads to a self-fulfilling prophecy of not finding love.  Letting go of the disappointment and heartache from your past is necessary in order to build your trust in love.

Get clear in your vision of love; take steps towards your vision; let things happen the way they are meant to.  Then have faith in the process, and the outcome will take care of itself.  As doubt makes way for faith, you will experience your journey to love with more ease.

You Can Simplify Love

From an early age, your role models, media, failed experiences, etc., taught you, “Love is hard.”  These teachings have created the beliefs you have about love, and have been reinforced by the wrong men and relationships that haven’t worked out.

If you are looking to simplify your love life in a big way, question your beliefs about love, men, dating and relationships to learn how these beliefs have been driving your love life.  By understanding these beliefs, you can reframe them in a way that supports you in experiencing and having love with ease. What will you start doing to make your love life easier?

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