The Real Reason Smart, Successful Women Are Still Single

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 02/03/2015

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Smart successful women have become very adept at being men.  I know this because in my professional life, I dressed like a woman yet acted like a man to be respected and promoted to positions of greater responsibility.  When it came to love, acting like a man left me confused, disappointed and frustrated that I wasn’t finding the same success in love.

If you can relate or have experienced much success in your career, chances are you’ve had to use these masculine qualities to get the job done.

  • Analyze data and think your way to the right answers
  • Manage and direct tasks, projects and people
  • Pursue new business and negotiate deals
  • Assert and push yourself to meet deadlines
  • Stick to the plan in order to progress towards goals and objectives

Scenarios Where Successful Women are More Comfortable with Their Masculine Essence

The more we are connected to our masculine essence, the harder it can be to connect with our feminine essence.  And when adhering to the male standards for career success, we unintentionally de-emphasize our feminine qualities.  If you’re like I was, you may have experienced these scenarios in dating and your romantic relationships.

  • Pursuing men or initiating contact
  • Giving too much instead of letting yourself receive graciously
  • Over-analyzing and over-thinking things
  • Trying to control things
  • Holding onto the notion that men and love have to happen a certain way

These scenarios reveal that many smart, successful women are more comfortable with their masculine qualities, and less comfortable with their feminine essence.  They tend to view femininity in a negative light and have a misperception of what being feminine actually means. 

Bridging the Gap Between Masculine and Feminine

There was a time when I wanted to attract masculine men and being feminine felt unnatural and uncomfortable to me.  It felt like I was wearing a mask that would soon fall off.  Since acting feminine at that time in my life felt like I was pretending to be someone I wasn’t, I did something else that caused more masculine men to show up.

This one shift – lightening up – helped me bridge the gap between my masculine and feminine essence.  It also opened up the space for me to understand, experience and embrace femininity in a different way – a way where I’m much more connected to my feminine essence and know when to use my femininity and masculinity.

To learn more how your smart, successful attitude may be holding you back from love, what to do about it, and lightening up, visit YourTango.com and read Is Your ‘Independent Woman’ Attitude Holding You Back From Love?.

Related Article: Highly Successful But Not in Love?  Here’s Why and What to Do.

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