Truth Telling is Essential to Love

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 03/31/2015

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I recently had the pleasure of speaking with Jamie Greenwood, who is the founder of JamieLiving where independent go getters who have it together on the outside, yet on the inside feel conflicted, come for a warm-hearted, no-nonsense heart and soul reality check.  During our conversation, she shared her perspectives on the biggest problems women have on their journey to love, and the mistake she made that was her defining moment.

Here’s what Jaime had to say…

What do you find to be the biggest problem women have with romantic love?

Telling the truth because when a woman who doesn’t fully know herself and falls in love, she feels like she is losing her power and he has the upper hand.  Women don’t say what they want because they don’t want to rock the boat.  When they’re in love, happy, and in a good enough relationship, they don’t want to upset him.  This causes them to lose the muscle of knowing what their truth is.  Knowing and feeling the truth in our bodies is a muscle.  If we don’t work that muscle out, it becomes small.

Why do you think not telling the truth is a problem?

When we don’t tell the truth, our relationship is based off of false information.  No one really knows what’s happening.  He thinks everything is fine because she hasn’t said anything.  And she thinks everything is fine because things seem to be going well on the surface.  This can lead to isolation because needs are not getting met and one or both people aren’t voicing their needs.

I work with women everyday who are successful in their jobs, yet the truth telling piece is not happening due to lack of confidence.  In their careers, they are incredibly confident.  But in relationships even with themselves, there’s a disconnect.  We’re more loyal to our fears than dreams.

What do you think are the root causes of the truth telling problem?

Many women haven’t figured out what their truth is.  They can’t tell it unless they know it.  We are driven in careers and push because we’ve been told by society and families what strength is.  If we haven’t first checked into what our truth is, we are reacting to whatever we are experiencing in life.

It’s scary to go within and see what’s going on.  It makes us feel vulnerable which is why we don’t do it.  We’re scared of being rejected, shamed, ostracized, and being seen.  It’s easier to act as if things are fine.  But our deeper soul’s desires are really strong.

What mistakes did you make on your journey to love? 

My biggest turning point was that I never thought of my romantic relationships consciously until everything blew up.  When husband left, I realized I had a choice to believe everything he said (i.e. I’m not lovable, no one wants to be with me, I’m difficult…) or I could choose myself.  Every man I have been involved with since has wholeheartedly chosen me.

So there is no room for anyone who doesn’t choose me.  In my marriage, I was constantly betraying myself on a daily basis.  I knew something wasn’t right and told myself everything was fine.  Women do this all the time.  I decided I was going to be loyal.  I’ve experienced deep, profound loyalty.  (Women are terrified of being with someone who is disloyal.)

The men that I’ve met have fallen into my lap.  A lot of my clients go after a relationship like they go after a job which is a completely different energy.  When we can show up as ourselves and just go out in the world, that’s when we meet those people.

The takeaway

Instead of not telling your truth or saying things a certain way to please or appease others, practice expressing your true thoughts and feelings.  Doing so has multiple benefits – you will learn more about yourself, you will get to be known and loved for who you are, and the other person may feel more open in sharing their truth.   When you tell your truth, you will feel free once and for all.

About Jamie Greenwood

Jamie’s writing has been featured on MindBodyGreen, Tiny Buddha and The Huffington Post and her signature program Just F*cking Eat It, helps women to stop second-guessing food and start trusting their bodies. When she’s not writing, coaching or running her mouth on stage, you can find Jamie cooking, laughing and dancing in front of her bedroom mirror.

 

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