I recently had a wonderful conversation with Michelle D’Avelia, founder of Pushing Beauty. During our conversation, she shared her thoughts on the biggest problems women have on their journey to love and the mistake she made that was her defining moment.
Here’s what Michelle shared…
What do you find to be the biggest problem women have on their journey to romantic love?
I feel that self-acceptance is one of the biggest problems facing women. On my path, I wasn’t aware that I lacked self-acceptance. It wasn’t obvious to me. I’ve always been a confident, independent, strong woman, and like many women, I have easily thought I was in a better place than I was. It’s easy to hide from things. On my path, I realized I had big worthiness issues and didn’t think I deserved love.
My last romantic relationship helped catalyze deep change in my life. Through my partner’s unconditional love and the timing of my own journey, I was able to see a lot of my own trauma and unhealthy patterns. As our relationship deteriorated, I began to abandon myself in hopes to keep the love that I thought had been so revolutionary to my life when, in fact, self-love is where I needed to place my attention.
Women are inclined to be givers and we have to be in a healthy space with ourselves in order to give to others. When we give to ourselves first, support ourselves, and love ourselves, the rest tends to fall into place.
Why do you think this is a problem?
Self-acceptance is such a big deal for women because it’s easy to hide from it. Although I was successful and seemed happy, I really wasn’t. The things that are holding us back from loving ourselves are painful to look at. When we look at those things, they cause a lot of discomfort and pain. Most people don’t want to do the work and, instead, create coping mechanisms to avoid dealing with pain.
What do you think are the root causes of their problem?
We put up defenses and don’t trust others fully. This is a difficult territory to navigate so having a support system (i.e. healer, therapist, strong group of friends) is essential. Women have to be willing see the deep truth of themselves, which they may be embarrassed or ashamed about. This includes seeing what they’re hiding from.
We need to have that grounding in ourselves, and we need to have a good support system. Our lives are hectic and so allocating time to dealing with our painful traumas is not an incentive for us unless we want to have a deeper relationship with ourselves.
I believe everyone is on their own path and not everyone is ready to face the difficulties in their lives. It can be overwhelming. There’s a certain time that is right for each woman, and each woman has to fulfill what’s meant for her.
The past two years have been easier for me to stay open with uncomfortable feelings. I have a deep trust in myself now and know what’s coming from my mind versus my heart or soul. When I center myself and feel into that deeper place, I know what is right, what is true, and how to support myself.
What mistakes did you make on your journey to love?
The biggest mistake I made was abandoning myself, something I described earlier. It could be easy to tell myself a story and blame my ex for our relationship deteriorating. But I have a deep recognition that I make my own decisions and who I am is not defined by the choices another makes. If I were dedicated and committed to loving and accepting myself, I would have realized I was worth so much more. I gave my energy to him instead of taking care of myself first. I think many women face this issue.
There needs to be a constant reminder of staying focused on what you deserve and putting yourself first. Everything falls into place once you do those things.
About Michelle D’Avelia
Michelle D’Avella is an eternal optimist and an author of words from her soul. She’s a breathwork practitioner, using this powerful tool to help people heal and discover what it feels like to stop trying and start being. Learn more about Michelle and her work at pushingbeauty.com and follow her on Instagram and Pinterest.