4 Ways to Create a Healthy Relationship

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 09/15/2015

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A new relationship in the honeymoon phase is energizing.  This is the phase where you can’t get enough of each other and are (mostly) on your best behavior.  If you’re smitten and worried about the honeymoon phase wearing off, you may question if your relationship is healthy enough to stand the test of time.

That question can either take you into a downward spiral of doubt and uncertainty.  Or you can take that question as a sign to shift your focus to what matters most.  If he’s a great guy and you want to have a lasting relationship with him, what matters most is creating the space and energy for a healthy relationship to thrive.

Here are 4 proactive practices to help you create the right space and energy.

Practice 1: Don’t take things personally

What others do is a reflection of their consciousness, where they’re at, the lessons they’re meant to learn and growth they’re meant to experience.  If your partner says or does something that’s hurtful, don’t make it mean something bad about you.

Instead, come up with other perspectives on the way you’re seeing things.  For instance, when you’re getting upset about what your partner said, ask, “I know he loves me.  If he’s saying this from a place of love, what else might this mean?”

Practice 2: Love with integrity

Accept and love your partner for who he is instead of trying to change him.  Trust him to do what’s best for him instead of trying to get him to do things your way – every person is on their own path with their own lessons to learn.  Trying to get him to do things a certain way, may interfere with his path.  There is no right way, there is just the way.

Loving with integrity also means having each other’s back, wanting the best for each other, and speaking kindly about your partner in front of others.  It also means respecting each other by resolving issues in a kind and considerate manner.

Practice 3: Cultivate a meaningful connection 

A meaningful connection happens when both individuals are open, vulnerable and expressing their true selves.  Many of us are afraid of doing so for fear of getting hurt.  In the process, we make assumptions, misread things, and end up getting hurt anyways.  While it may be scary to open up and be vulnerable, the rewards are immense.

Begin taking small steps by sharing your true thoughts and feelings.  Those baby steps will add up to where you’ll feel more comfortable about being open.  That will encourage your partner to do the same.  When you’re both sharing your genuine selves, you’ll experience a deeper connection.

Practice 4: Set intentions

It’s common to have expectations (i.e. expect things to happen a certain way, expect your partner to know what you want, etc.).  Yet they don’t allow for flexibility and ease because with expectations, we’re holding tightly to how things should be or happen, and we try to control things that aren’t within our control.  Expectations tend to lead to disappointment because many things don’t happen in the way or in the time we want.

Instead of expectations, set intentions.  Intentions allow for more flexibility and ease.  With intentions, you set a clear picture of what you would like, then take action and make choices in favor of what you want.  In doing so, you’re better able to stay open to things happening the way they’re meant to.  What you’ll find is many times, what happens is even better than you could have imagined.

What to do when practicing

When putting those 4 practices into your love life, there will be times when it’s difficult to do so.  When those times happen, don’t judge or get upset with yourself.  Instead, be kind and compassionate with yourself.  You’re doing the best you can in any given moment.  Know that each incremental step of practice will add up and become your natural default.

What is the one practice you can start doing that’ll have the healthiest impact on your relationship?

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