7 Signs You’re Being Too Nice

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 11/24/2015

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Do you have the Nice Girl Syndrome?

Whether you’re dating or in a relationship, being too nice eventually becomes detrimental to you and negatively affects the dynamics with your partner.  If you’re a nice girl, you may not notice this because that’s the way you’re used to being.  Being nice is fine.  But if on a regular basis, you’re feeling depleted, disappointed, empty, etc., you’re trying too hard to please your partner or being too agreeable.

Start paying attention to how you’re feeling, and in doing so, your feelings will reveal if you have the Nice Girl Syndrome.   Connecting with your feelings will better help you manage your emotional state so you feel an inner calm and contentment.

Are you doing these things?  

If you’re doing any of the following things, learn why you’ll want to stop being so nice and what to do instead.

1. Trying hard to please your partner at the expense of your own happiness

It’s understandable to want to please your partner.  But if you’re doing so in a way where you’re neglecting your own needs or happiness, you’re being too nice.  Instead, please yourself and as a result, you’ll be happier and enjoy a healthier relationship with your partner.  When you’re inherently happy, your happiness will spill over and add to the happiness of your relationship.

2. Placating around sticky situations

If you find yourself pacifying your partner when sticky situations come up or tip-toeing around issues instead of talking through them, you won’t feel heard.  Instead, be with what comes up rather than worrying about how your partner will respond or being concerned with the outcome.  Then set the intention of what you would like to happen and express your true thoughts and feelings from the present moment.  The more you practice doing so, the more you’ll be heard.

3. Doing too much for your partner and not paying enough attention to yourself

Doing too much for your partner or taking care of things for him is fine, as long as you’re not neglecting yourself.  You’ll know if you’re neglecting yourself if your health suffers, you feel anxious, stressed, etc. Instead, care for yourself by soothing your soul and doing things to improve your wellness.

4. Giving more time and energy into making your relationship work and neglecting your own life

Even the best relationships take work.  But if you find yourself working so hard to make things work, he’s probably not the right guy for you.  Having to work so hard at a relationship takes time and energy away from your own life.  If you’ve been spending a lot of time and energy on making your relationship work at the expense of living your own life, it’s time to do a reality check.  Get clear on what you want your relationship to be like and reflect on if you’ll ever have the relationship you desire.  Be honest.  If not, it’s best to part ways so you can live  your own life and be available for the man whose right for you.

5. Agreeing with your partner when you think otherwise

If your partner tends to have strong opinions, you may find yourself agreeing with what he says.  That’s fine if you agree.  But if you really have a different opinion, share that with him.  Don’t be afraid of hurting his feelings.  In order to be seen, known and loved for whom you are, speaking your truth is essential.

6. Put your partner’s needs before yours

Putting your partner’s needs before yours can cause disappointment because you’ll be hoping for or expecting to receive the same consideration.  In doing so, you may feel taken for granted or taken advantage of.  Also, putting your partner’s needs before yours keeps you from looking within, and working on your own issues.  Instead, shift the focus back to yourself, look within, and do the inner work to meet your own needs.  In doing so, you’ll feel whole and complete instead of looking for your partner to fill your void.

7. Not asking for what you want or need

As a nice girl, you may think it’s selfish to ask for what you need.  Or you may think your partner should know what you want.  The reality is, not asking for what you want or need can perpetuate a victim mode because it makes it easier to blame your partner for not getting what you want or need.  Instead, experiment with asking for what you want and need in a kind and respectful manner without having an attachment to the outcome.  Experimenting is less pressure and helps you be more open and flexible in getting your wants and needs met.

The Takeaway

There’s a time and place to be the nice girl.  But when it comes to love, being too nice is never in your best interest.  If you find yourself feeling depleted, disappointed, empty, etc., make sure to take a step back and notice if you’re doing any of the above seven things.  If so, practice the suggestions of what to do instead.

Where are you being too nice in your love life and what will you do instead?

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