9 Things to Give Up for Good

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 12/22/2015

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If love is hard, it’s because you’re unintentionally holding onto ways of being or doing that cause pain and suffering. As the New Year approaches, here are 9 things you’ll want to give up in order to make love easier and easeful.

1. Control

If you’re used to doing it all, having most things turn out the way you’d like, or have a hard time letting go, love actually requires the opposite approach. With love, the more you try and control things, the less you actually get what you want. It’s because controlling leaves very little to no space for flexibility and things to happen the way they’re meant to. When you’re holding onto the way things should be or happen, more often than not, you’ll be disappointed and experience more heartache than need be.

2. Dating

Dating can cause more confusion and doubt because people inevitably have different intentions and expectations. Some date with the intention of having something casual while others date with the intention for things to lead into a committed relationship. Dating raises uncertainty and insecurity, and is the reason why many single people are feeling dissatisfied with their love life.

3. Desperation

Many women who are successful in most are of life don’t know their worth when it comes to love. They end up settling for less than they deserve, and being disrespected and treated poorly by men they’re dating and in a relationship with. When settling and letting yourself be treated poorly, a guy experiences you as a desperate woman. Know that you are worthy of being with a high quality man.

4. Drama

If your love life is like a pendulum filled with highs and lows, and you can easily go from feeling euphoric to being bummed out, it’s time to drop the drama. Drama will cause you to read into things that don’t exist, blow things out of proportion, and react to situations in an unflattering way.

5. Expectations

Expectations make love harder than it needs to be. When expecting something, you’re essential saying things have to be a certain way which keeps you from opening up to other ways for things to happen. It also keeps you from the bigger idea that things are happening for your greater good, and causes more internal stress and pressure.

6. Fantasy

Do you secretly want to be rescued or swept off your feet by Prince Charming? If so, you’ll be waiting a very long time for love. While the fantasy of what you want may seem appealing, the reality is, true and lasting love isn’t made of the stuff fairy tales are made of. Typically, when you’re swept off your feet, it’s by a guy who gives the illusion of being Prince Charming when he’s really a frog.

7. Fear

Unresolved heartache and pain from the past will cause you to approach love from a place of fear. This is because you’ll be worried about the same thing happening in your next relationship. If you’re constantly afraid that things are too good to be true or fear that you’ll never find love, it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. What you focus on grows bigger in your life so be aware of what you tend to focus on. If your focus is on fear, your body will feel stressed, contracted, and uncomfortable.

8. Needs

It’s fine to have needs, but when you’re looking to a guy to meet your needs, you put a lot of pressure on him and set yourself up for disappointment. It’s impossible for someone else to meet your needs exactly the way you want them to.

9. Righteousness

You’ve probably heard the saying, “Would you rather be right or loved?” When you’re wanting to be right, you’ll have a righteous attitude where you’ll be judging what your guy is saying or defending your position. And in this process, you’ll end up creating more distance between the two of you. When you’re wanting to be right, ask, “Will this matter tomorrow, next week, next month or next year?” If your answer is no, let go of your need to be right.

Experiment with giving up those 9 things and love will become easier and more enjoyable. What things will you give up for good?

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