Are You Really Into Him?

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 07/19/2016

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Is he really into you?

The premise of the book and movie “He’s Just Not That Into You” is how to tell when a guy isn’t into you so you can stop wasting time making excuses for a connection or relationship that’s going nowhere.  Despite the clear message of the book and movie, women around the world continue over-analyzing and questioning guys’ behaviors and actions, causing themselves more confusion and non-clarity.

When I read the book and saw the movie, it provided great clarity on how I’d been trying to interpret a guy’s actions.  The light bulb went off and love became so much easier.  I was at peace with, “He’s just not that into me” when I didn’t hear from him after we had a good date.  I had clear answers instead of getting tangled up in questions like, “We had a great time on our date and he said he would call.  Why haven’t I heard from him?  Should I call him or wait for him to call me?”

If you haven’t yet read the book or seen the move, I highly recommend doing so.

While it’s natural to try and figure out a guy’s intentions, it’s to your benefit to start taking the advice of, “He’s Just Not That Into You.”  Then, begin asking the more empowering question, “Am I really into him?”  That question is more empowering because it reveals the truth of if you’re into a guy for the right or wrong reasons.

Am I really into him or am I with him for the wrong reasons?

Very often, when you’re obsessing over getting answers, chasing after a guy, or trying hard to make your relationship work, it’s because you’re with a guy for the wrong reasons.  When it’s for the wrong reasons, your body will feel stressed, contracted, and uncomfortable a great deal of the time.

Take a moment to answer these questions and learn if you’re really into him or if you’re with him for the wrong reasons.

  • Do you try to make things work even though he treats you poorly?
  • Are parts of your life on hold because you’re doing mostly what he wants?
  • Are you sacrificing some of your values in order to cater to him?
  • Do you tend to lose yourself in romantic relationships?
  • Do you not say what you mean and how you feel because you’re afraid he won’t like you?
  • Are you the one giving and doing much more to keep him from leaving?

If you’ve answered yes to many or all of those questions, it means you’re with him for the wrong reasons.  Here’s why – your yes answers are causing you to act in ways that sacrifice your integrity and who you are.

When you’re really into a guy for the right reasons, your integrity will be intact and…

When you’re really into him for the right reasons, you’re able to be your true self and things flow smoothly.  This doesn’t mean things are perfect.  It means you’re feeling open, at ease, and uplifted when you’re with him, without him, and at the thought of him.  It means sticky situations are resolved with grace, care and respect.

Here’s what else will be showing up in your relationship when you’re really into a guy for the right reasons.

  • You’ll feel good about yourself instead of basing your self-worth on what he thinks of you.
  • They’ll be a harmonious exchange of giving and receiving.
  • When sticky situations come up, you’ll take them in stride instead of thinking the worst.
  • You’ll be free to be yourself and live your life.
  • You’ll trust yourself to make choice and decisions that serve you and your relationship well.

The takeaway

If you’re into a guy for the right reasons, continue what you’ve been doing.  But if this article has helped you see that you’re into him for the wrong reasons, it’s for your greater good to leave so you can restore your values and approach love in a way that lets you stay true to who you are.

For more support on approaching love in a genuine way, register for the Engaged At Any Age Training Summit.  You’ll receive advice, strategies, and resources on being more successful in love from more than 30 experts.

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