The Only Agreements You Need for Love

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 07/05/2016

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When I read Don Miguel Ruiz’s best-selling book, The Four Agreements, it struck me how life- and love-changing these agreements are when consistently put into practice.  Understanding these agreements is easy while living them can be challenging.  Challenging because as humans, our egos get in the way causing us to say things we don’t mean, take things personally, make assumptions, and be critical of ourselves.

Yet as humans, we’re also blessed with intelligence and the ability to be aware of our egos, so that we can bring our attention back to what’s important – integrating these agreements into our life.

Integrating The Four Agreements in your love life

With each agreement, here are specific practices to implement in your love life.

1. Be Impeccable with Your Word

Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid speaking against yourself or gossiping about others. Use the power of your words in the direction of truth and love.

Practices: Communicate when something happens instead of overthinking and letting it consume you.  Express your real thoughts and feelings so you can be seen and known for your true self.  Speak to yourself in a loving manner; the more you do so, the more things will positively shift.

2. Don’t Take Anything Personally

Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality. When you’re immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

Practices: If a guy you like doesn’t feel the same about you, you may be feeling bad.  If so, it’s because of what you’re making that mean about you.  The reality is, he may think you’re a wonderful woman, and just wants to be with someone who shares similar interests.  If you tend to let things get to you and end up feeling down, ask, “What am I making this mean about me?  How can I see this situation in a way that supports me in having the love I desire?”

3. Don’t Make Assumptions

Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama.

Practices: Making assumptions cause unnecessary stress, especially when you assume the worst.  Instead, ask more and assume less by having honest and open conversations about situations you’re uncomfortable with, and upset or unsure about.  Do so in a respectful manner and you’ll be more likely to learn what’s really going on.  Having these conversations will let you see things clearly instead of what you’re imagining them to be.

4. Always Do Your Best

Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, just do your best, and avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

Practices: When love or a relationship isn’t working out the way you want it to, it’s easy to get down on yourself.  You might find yourself thinking, “If only I had done or been______________, then he would love me more.”  When those kinds of thoughts come up, be kind and compassionate with yourself.

You’re doing the best you can, based on where you’re at, the lessons you’re meant to learn, and the growth you’re supposed to experience.  The way we do things comes from who we are being.  If you’d like to upgrade yourself when it comes to doing, here is a helpful article on how to become your best self.

The takeaway

Since the common thread in most of these assumptions is healthy and open communication, here are 8 essential ways to communicate openly.

Love doesn’t have to be hard.  Begin simplifying love by practicing one agreement, and as that becomes your way of being, choose another agreement to practice, and continue on.  By practicing consistently, love becomes simplified and you’ll experience your journey with ease and clarity.  Which agreement will you start practicing?

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