Why Dating Makes It Hard to Find The One

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 07/18/2017

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If you’re like most women who’ve been dating for a while, chances are, you find it disappointing, painful, and perhaps even exhausting.  Dating for most women is a means to the end goal of getting into a committed and lasting relationship.  What many don’t realize is the chances of finding the one from dating are slim.

If dating is making it hard to find the one, if dating has become more painful and you’re feeling discouraged and disconnected from love, here’s what I believe and have experienced.

Dating is actually a diversion from Mr. Right and meaningful love.  Since dating has a different meaning for everyone, from hanging out and hooking up to companionship or monogamy, different dating expectations leave more people confused and less people getting what they want.

The distinction between dating and courtship

You may be wondering what the main differences are between dating and courtship.  They have this in common – both involve guys and can look the same on the surface.  But here’s the difference.

People date for different reasons and have different expectations.  Some date because they want something casual.  Others for companionship.  And some because they’re looking for true love.  Different reasons and expectations lead to more people being let down and not getting what they want.

Modern day courtship has a universal meaning with the understanding that both are with each other for the same reason – the intention is if things go well, things will naturally progress into a committed relationship (then engagement, then marriage if that’s what you both want).

Three habits to help you move away from dating

When you stop dating, you create the space for higher-quality men to show up and court you.  To create that space, here are three habits to let go of.

  • Habit #1: Stop buying into this conventional advice, “The more guys you meet, the more you increase your chances of finding the one”.  When you make love a numbers game, you end up spending time with guys who aren’t right for you, sending mixed signals on what you truly want, and may not recognize the man who is right for you since you’re spending time and energy with the wrong guys.
  • Habit #2: Stop letting chemistry blind you to the reality of who a man is.  Pay attention to his words, behaviors and actions.  When a man is really into you, his words, behaviors and actions will be positively congruent.
  • Habit #3: Stop going out with guys who lack integrity.  Men with integrity are honest and open with you.  These men ask you out in advance and make plans, communicate in between the times you see each other, and treat you with care, affection, and respect.

The time when dating is right for you

You may be wondering if there’s a time when it’s okay to date.  The simple answer is the time to date is when you’re enjoying it.  Typically, most women tend to enjoy dating when they want something casual, when they’re young and focused on their career, or after they’ve come out of a stressful relationship and want a diversion.

If you relate to any of those reasons, then you know the appeal of dating, during those times, lets you keep things easy breezy.  You can date and sleep with guys without the need for things to progress into a committed relationship.  If he called, great.  If he didn’t that was okay too.

But like life, things change.  And at some point, you may want a meaningful, monogamous relationship with one man who also wants a commitment.  When you get to that point, stop dating and move towards courtship by doing those three abovementioned habits to let go of.

Where are you at with dating?  Love it?  Hate it?  Or have a different perspective?  Let us know in the comments below.

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