Why Dating Makes It Hard to Find The One

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 07/18/2017

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If you’re like most women who’ve been dating for a while, chances are, you find it disappointing, painful, and perhaps even exhausting.  Dating for most women is a means to the end goal of getting into a committed and lasting relationship.  What many don’t realize is the chances of finding the one from dating are slim.

If dating is making it hard to find the one, if dating has become more painful and you’re feeling discouraged and disconnected from love, here’s what I believe and have experienced.

Dating is actually a diversion from Mr. Right and meaningful love.  Since dating has a different meaning for everyone, from hanging out and hooking up to companionship or monogamy, different dating expectations leave more people confused and less people getting what they want.

The distinction between dating and courtship

You may be wondering what the main differences are between dating and courtship.  They have this in common – both involve guys and can look the same on the surface.  But here’s the difference.

People date for different reasons and have different expectations.  Some date because they want something casual.  Others for companionship.  And some because they’re looking for true love.  Different reasons and expectations lead to more people being let down and not getting what they want.

Modern day courtship has a universal meaning with the understanding that both are with each other for the same reason – the intention is if things go well, things will naturally progress into a committed relationship (then engagement, then marriage if that’s what you both want).

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Having a Hard Time Setting Boundaries Because You Don’t Want to Seem Controlling?

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 06/27/2017

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It can be hard to set boundaries when you want to be seen as carefree and easy-going. But every time you find yourself feeling upset, frustrated, disappointed, or any kind of negative emotion, one of your boundaries have been crossed.

Not setting boundaries causes us to go along with whatever a man wants, even if we don’t want the same. It causes us to swallow our voice when we’re feeling disrespected. If left to continue, we’ll end up guarding our heart and being unable to completely open up to love. And ultimately, it adversely affects our well-being and self-worth.

In this article, How Being the Cool, Laid-Back Girl Can Make You a Total Jerk Magnet, you’ll learn what happens when we don’t set boundaries, how we pursue guys who aren’t meant to be, how having healthy boundaries increases the likelihood for a healthy relationship, 3 specific ways to establish boundaries, and how to enforce boundaries without becoming too controlling.

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The Myth That Love Will Fall Into Place

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 06/13/2017

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From my 20s through mid-30s, my professional life was my main focus.  I worked for well-respected companies, was busy striving, and promoted to positions of greater responsibility.  I earned a good living and was self-sufficient, all the while thinking love would happen.

While I dated guys and had relationships with some of them, they never lasted.  I naively thought and assumed love would fall into place.  Instead, my lack of awareness and naiveté would take me on a long and windy path to love.

As a slow learner in love, these realizations never occurred to me until the ripe age of 40.

  • I should have put as much effort into my love life as I did my professional life.
  • My 30s were not the new 20s. My 30s were my 30s… who was I kidding?
  • Love doesn’t just happen — it requires a lot of effort, time and energy.
  • Love happens when I was ready, not when I wanted it.
  • I could have positively influenced the direction and destiny of my love life.

Here’s where my mindset was around love — I remember not feeling like I had much control over love.  I could put myself out there, but had to wait to be chosen.

I’ve since learned otherwise and know we have the power to create the experience of love we desire.

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How to Know if He Really Likes You

May 23, 2017

If you’ve been seeing a man you really like and aren’t sure how he feels about you, what should you do? Or what if you really like a guy, but aren’t sure if he likes you? In the short video below, you’ll learn specific things to watch for.  You’ll also learn how to ask him […]

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Bigger Boobs Mean a Happier Love Life

May 9, 2017
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That was the story I told myself through my 20s.  Now that I’m older and wiser, I see how my story of “bigger boobs mean a happier love life” negatively affected my body image and experience of love.  My friend and I even talked about getting boob jobs, but then decided not to because of […]

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How 5 Seconds Can Positively Change Your Love Life

April 25, 2017
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Have you noticed how easy it is to talk yourself out of doing something that you don’t feel like doing?  Even if it could improve your love life?  If so, you’re just being human. We’ve all talked ourselves out of one or more of these situations. Not putting ourselves on a dating site because we’re […]

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Having Healthy Boundaries Without Becoming Controlling

April 4, 2017

If you’ve bought into the myth of unconditional love, you may be against having boundaries. Or if you want to be seen as the cool girl whose easy going and doesn’t rock the boat, you may be uncomfortable enforcing boundaries. Most of us tend to learn about having and enforcing boundaries through the trial and […]

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How to Keep a Man Interested in You and Make Your Relationship Last

March 21, 2017
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Today’s post is from Nick Bastion, a dating and relationship expert. He shares 5 specific ways to keep your man’s interest and make your relationship last… How do you keep a man interested and make it so that you’re never stuck wondering what went wrong, what to do, and how to fix it? Do you […]

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Does Being Comfortable or Chemistry Matter More?

March 7, 2017
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With such a big emphasis placed on chemistry, it’s easy to underestimate the importance of comfortable.  We end up dating and being in relationships with charismatic men who cause us to jump through hoops when we behave and act in ways that aren’t true to who we are. Intense chemistry kept me from being my true […]

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Valentine’s Day: A Contrarian Perspective

February 11, 2017
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Valentine’s Day has been less than a bouquet of roses and box of chocolates for me.  This holiday is over-rated and as a Courtship and Relationship Coach, I should be painting an uplifting picture of Valentine’s Day.  But in the interest of keeping it real, here’s how I feel about this manufactured holiday. When Valentine’s […]

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