Valentine’s Day has been less than a bouquet of roses and box of chocolates for me. This holiday is over-rated and as a Courtship and Relationship Coach, I should be painting an uplifting picture of Valentine’s Day. But in the interest of keeping it real, here’s how I feel about this manufactured holiday.
When Valentine’s Day was humiliating, embarrassing and a let-down
You know those distinct moments in time where you feel deeply humiliated, embarrassed and let down – the kind where you clearly remember that makes you feel bad about yourself? That was me, on Valentine’s Day, when I was 29, 38 and 43 years old.
At 29, I was infatuated with a guy who led me to believe his feelings were mutual. Blinded by infatuation, I dismissed away these red flags — a fiancée who had recently broken up with him, finding out he was moving when I saw a For Sale sign in front of his house just a month after we met, me flying out to visit him for the weekend at his messy apartment with no food, and me initiating much of the contact.
Even after those red flags and him making less and less effort, I sent him a care package for Valentine’s Day that included a pair of sexy underwear. I felt humiliated and insignificant when there was nothing in return from him… except for a lackluster phone call that left me feeling even more humiliated because I had put myself on a limb even when my inner wisdom was telling me to do otherwise.
At 38, I started dating a great guy at the end of January. He invited me over for Valentine’s Day where he cooked me dinner. It was the sweetest gesture and as we were eating dinner, I felt a gush of blood soak my pants and his chair. To my horror and embarrassment, Aunt Flo decided to join us on that special day.
I was 38 and really liked the guy I was dating. 3 months into our relationship, he said, “I’d like to date other women, but still see you.” Because I liked him a lot, the thought of being one of many women was hurtful. My defenses caused me to say something like, “I’m sorry, that’s not going to work for me.”
My mind automatically imagined the worse. But there was context behind his words that I wasn’t taking into consideration. He was a few years younger than me, had recently moved out here from the Midwest, and a few months into our relationship, a female friend of his came out to visit him. When I wasn’t invited to meet her, I tried to rationalize away the uneasy feelings inside of me.
Mint chocolate chip ice cream vs. strawberry ice cream
Then my mind immediately went to, “I must not be enough if he’s wanting to date other women.” Maybe it was true that I wasn’t exactly what he was looking for, which I equated to not being enough. In hindsight, the story I believed about me not being enough was more likely about him not wanting to get into a serious, committed relationship because of where he was in his life.
When you feel like time is running out to find love, or when you’re getting older and want to find a great man to be in a committed relationship with, learn why staying on track and being honest are the best things you can do.
That’s just one of many insights I share in the Extraordinary Love Video Summit that starts December 19th. Sign up here to get free access to 50 experts’ insights, resources, and tips on finding your right man so you can create that meaningful love you’ve always desired.
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