How to Respond in the Different Stages of Love

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 09/27/2016

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Many women who feel like they’re putting in a lot of effort into their love life and not getting the love they desire are at the crossroads of exhaustion and uncertainty – exhausted at the thought of continuing to put in more effort and feeling uncertain about how to proceed.

Putting in a lot of effort shows up as pursuing, initiating, trying to control things, over-thinking things, needing certain outcomes – basically, anything that keeps you from ease and clarity.

If you relate to what I’ve just shared, one big shift to make that will bring more ease and clarity into your love life is to respond.  Here’s what you can start doing depending on your relationship stage.

Dating

When dating, let him initiate dates, make plans, and communicate with you in between the times you see each other.  Then respond positively (unless what he suggests is immoral or unethical).  High-quality men value what they work for and if you’re the one who tends to arrange dates and call and text him, you’re teaching him that he can have you without having to put forth much effort.  When he’s not having to put in much effort because you’re doing the work, you don’t really know if he is into you or going along with your plans to pass time until someone else comes along.

Let things develop naturally by taking the time to get to know each other.  Don’t share too much, too soon about yourself because it can seem like you’re too eager, and trying too hard to sell him on why you’re a good catch.  Let him get to know the real you.  Learn about each other’s values, interests, life goals, families, etc.  If love is mean to be, it will happen in the right time with less effort and more ease.  Taking the time to learn about each other also means holding off on having sex too soon.

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How to Respond Gracefully to a Guy from Your Past

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 09/13/2016

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It was strange because I was very positive in most every area of life, except love.  In most of my love life, I would over-analyze what a guy meant and why he did what he did.  On occasion, I would imagine something good, but for the most part, my over-thinking mind had the habit of imagining the worst.

What happens when our imagination is overtaken by our monkey minds

As you know, imagining the worst is its own self-fulfilling prophecy and can end up causing great guys to disappear.  When your imagination is overtaken by your monkey mind, it’s hard to see things clearly.  It’s easy to complicate things which makes you feel doubtful, stressed, and let down.

For decades, love was exhausting and hard because my monkey mind would be in overdrive, making me read more into a situation. Reading more into a situation meant that I would make it mean something bad about myself.  It complicated my love life and added unnecessary stress on top of a shaky situation.

Mint chocolate chip ice cream vs. strawberry ice cream

I was 38 and really liked the guy I was dating.  3 months into our relationship, he said, “I’d like to date other women, but still see you.”  Because I liked him a lot, the thought of being one of many women was hurtful.  And I said something like, “I’m sorry, that’s not going to work for me.”

Then my mind immediately went to, “I must not be enough if he’s wanting to date other women.”  Maybe it was true that I wasn’t exactly what he was looking for, which I equated to not being enough.

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Reverse the Epidemic in Love with One Shift

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 09/08/2016

There’s an epidemic happening where women are doing most of the work which makes love harder than it needs to be.  If you’ve been making more effort and not getting the love you want, you’re probably feeling discouraged and tired.  Learn how love can actually be simplified and easeful by making this one shift in this video.

Click here for Get out of the Driver’s Seat and Enjoy the Ride.

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When I read Don Miguel Ruiz’s best-selling book, The Four Agreements, it struck me how life- and love-changing these agreements are when consistently put into practice.  Understanding these agreements is easy while living them can be challenging.  Challenging because as humans, our egos get in the way causing us to say things we don’t mean, […]

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7 Questions to Ask Before Sleeping with Him

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How to Keep Your New Guy’s Interest

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Two scenarios with two different outcomes Ever notice how easy it is to catch and keep the wrong guy’s interest?  When a guy likes you in a romantic way and you don’t feel the same, you don’t care what he thinks of you.  While there’s a part of you that may like the attention, you’re […]

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