Women Who Do These Three Things Are More Likely to Cause Good Men to Pull Away

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 08/26/2014

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Have you been on great dates or in a promising relationship only to have a guy pull away?  If so, it can be confusing when things seem to be going well and then he becomes distant.  I’ve been there and in hindsight, realized that rushing things, being too passive, and being jaded and skeptical pushed some good men away.

Here are three common things a woman does that cause good men to pull away.

1. Are you rushing things?

It may seem counterintuitive to take your time when things are promising, especially when you have great chemistry with a guy.  When rushing things, having sex and sharing too much information happens quickly.  Connections are based more on oxytocin instead of on multiple levels (i.e. mental, emotional, physical, etc.).  Oxytocin will cause you to lust after a guy and feel infatuated with him.  Many women, including myself, have mistaken feelings of lust and infatuation for something more instead of seeing things for what they were.

Here’s how to know if you’re rushing things.  You are rushing things if you are letting him rush you into sex, take your online dating profile down after the first few dates and expect him to do the same, initiating contact much more than he does, giving too much, overlooking your wants and needs in order to please him, trying to get him to commit to you soon after you meet, or imagining your future together without really knowing who he truly is.

Trying to move things forward before its time will cause you to do cringe-worthy things like stalk him, overlook and rationalize red flags, and become insecure.  Rushing things, even if you’re deeply attracted to each other, tends to have an adverse effect and ends up pushing him away.  This is because rushing things makes you seem desperate which is never attractive to high quality men.

Why it’s best to let things happen naturally

Reflect on how you typically approach men and how they tend to react.  If most men you’ve dated and been in relationships with have pulled away, you may be moving too fast and putting unnecessary pressure on yourself and him.  If you’re moving too fast early on in your dating and relationship, you will be using more masculine qualities (i.e. trying to control and steer things).

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32 Days to Love Yourself More

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 08/12/2014

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I believe we are born with self-love and learn to be critical and judgmental about ourselves at a young age.  If you are having critical and judgmental thoughts about yourself, you aren’t yet loving yourself completely.  Since the relationship you have with yourself directly affects your relationship with others, learning to love yourself is the most important journey you can take.

Self-Love Practices for the Body, Mind and Soul

Here are 32 days of self-love practices that when practiced consistently transforms critical and judgmental thoughts into kind and loving thoughts.  Feel free to modify these daily challenges or create your own.

  • Day 1: Ask loved ones what they love about you
  • Day 2: Say “I love you” every time you look in the mirror (look in the mirror often J)
  • Day 3: Speak kindly to yourself
  • Day 4: List 5 qualities you dislike about yourself and how each have helped you in positive ways
  • Day 5: Accept and embrace your imperfections
  • Day 6: List 5 qualities you love about yourself and why you love them
  • Day 7: Do something that soothes your soul
  • Day 8: Spend time in a place that invigorates you
  • Day 9: Do something special for yourself
  • Day 10: Say “yes” only to requests and things that make you feel good
  • Day 11: Let go of the negative ways you perceive yourself
  • Day 12: Be with who you truly are – the good and self-perceived flaws
  • Day 13: Indulge your mind with positive thoughts
  • Day 14: Make a mountain into a molehill
  • Day 15: Please others only if you are staying true to who you are
  • Day 16: Speak from your heart (i.e. express yourself authentically, speak your voice even if it shakes)

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Why Real Intimacy is the Key to Love

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 07/29/2014

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“Intimacy is not purely physical.  It is the act of connecting with someone so deeply, you feel like you can see into their soul.” – Unknown

Intimacy is essential to a healthy and fulfilling relationship.  With intimacy, you experience a deeper connection with your partner and increase the likelihood for lasting love.  Without intimacy, you feel disconnected from your partner and worry if your relationship will stand the test of time.

What Keeps Intimacy Away

Intimacy is experienced on a body and soul level when you are vulnerable and open to what is.   Intimacy can’t be quantified or rushed.  Intimacy doesn’t happen when trying to think your way to love and wanting things to happen now.

Here are the most common a woman unintentionally does that keeps intimacy away.

  • She holds onto past hurts
  • She guards her heart
  • She doesn’t let herself be vulnerable because she sees vulnerability as weak or as a way to get hurt.
  • She doesn’t know how to open up in a way that leads to a deep and meaningful connection
  • She tries to rush things and may share too much information too soon
  • She has sex too soon with a guy hoping that their physical connection will turn into more

I did all of those things at different times in my love life.  And when I really liked a guy, the illusion of intimacy I felt was really based on infatuation instead of a meaningful connection.  If you relate to this, you may have felt let down once the initial excitement of infatuation wore off.  Infatuation (and lust) will give you a false sense of intimacy and keep your connection on a superficial level.

Real intimacy is like fine wine.  It takes patience and time to develop.

Why Sex is Never the Way to Real Intimacy

This topic is so important that it deserves its own mention.  Having sex too soon and hoping things turn into a committed relationship rarely happens.  Sex is based on a physical connection while real intimacy is based on multiple levels of connection (i.e. emotionally, mentally, physically, shared activities, etc.).  When you have sex early on without really knowing each other, there is not enough to sustain a deep and lasting connection.

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Create the Love You Desire By Setting Boundaries

July 15, 2014
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“All her life, Claire had had a problem figuring out where other people ended and she began. All her life, she’d taken on the world’s hurt; she held herself responsible. But why?” -  Elin Hilderbrand Why Boundaries Matter Nothing good comes from loving without boundaries.  When you love without boundaries, you may have good intentions, thinking […]

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Are You Exhausted by Love? Learn How to Relax Your Tired Mind and Heart

July 1, 2014
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Women are amazing, capable and strong.  They can achieve virtually anything when harnessing their minds and hearts.  They strive to be successful in their career, to raise wonderful children, to be the perfect friend, to be there for family, and to find the perfect love.  If you relate to these women, then you understand that […]

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Are You in an Unhealthy Relationship?

June 17, 2014
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Even healthy relationships have ups-and-downs, which can make it difficult to know how solid things are with you and your partner.  Here’s the difference between unhealthy and healthy relationships.  In an unhealthy relationship, ups-and-downs are high highs and low lows.  There are more lows than highs.  You are taken on a roller coaster ride where […]

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7 Common Romantic Relationships Myths to Stop Believing

June 3, 2014
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Myth: an idea or story that many people believe, but is not true Re·al·i·ty: something that actually exists or happens I bought into the following myths at different times in my love life.  When I believed them, my love life was harder and more stressful.  After doing the inner work and learning my lessons, these […]

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Four Articles to Improve Your Dating Life

May 20, 2014
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How Dating Has Evolved and What You Can Do Hundreds of years ago, dating was a formal process where men courted women.  The original intent of dating was to learn about each other and decide if they were a good fit for marriage.  Free love with sex was the focus in the 1960s where women […]

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Reasons to Stop Obsessing Over Your Ex

May 6, 2014
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When we lose one blessing, another is often, most unexpectedly, given in its place.” – C.S. Lewis Whether a breakup is mutual or one-sided, most women have a hard time not thinking about their ex.  I’ve had a hard time with this and if you have too, you know how hard it is to forget […]

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How to Keep Your Man from Cheating on You

April 22, 2014
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Dear friends, Michael and I are co-authors of the international best seller Sexy Secrets to a Juicy Love Life. I’m excited to share a wonderful post from him about a valid subject that many women have experienced or may worry about. His perspective will give you insight that may help you know what to do and ease your […]

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