How to Cultivate Real Intimacy in Your Relationship

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 06/23/2015

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If you’re feeling lonely in your romantic relationship or disconnected from your partner, chances are, real intimacy is missing.  It’s understandable to want your partner to like and love you.  Yet, when seeking his approval and affection, you may try to be perfect while concealing parts of yourself (i.e. things you try to hide from others, are ashamed of, or quirks you wish didn’t exist).

The paradox about concealing these parts is they help real intimacy develop with your partner.  Intimacy exists when you’re able to be seen for all of who you are – the good, self-perceived bad, and quirks.  When you are known and loved for your true self, you feel a meaningful connection with yourself and partner.

As Alain de Botton says, “Intimacy is the capacity to be rather weird with someone – and finding that that’s ok with them.”  In relationships with real intimacy, both are sharing their genuine selves.  To start cultivating the kind of intimacy that lasts, check out these three articles.

3 Must-Read Articles to Cultivate a Deeper Level of Intimacy

“There’s nothing more intimate in life than simply being understood. And understanding someone else.” – Brad Meltzer, The Inner Circle

Why Real Intimacy is the Key To Love

Intimacy is essential to a fulfilling relationship.  With intimacy, you are understood and understand your partner.  Real intimacy comes from being your true self.  When you are seen for who you are – the good and not so good – your partner feels comfortable letting you see his self-perceived flaws.  You experience a deeper connection with him which increases the likelihood for lasting love.  Learn what keeps intimacy away, why sex is never the way to real intimacy, and where intimacy is found.

Lost Intimacy? 11 Steps For Getting It Back

In a society where short attention spans and instant gratification are the norm, people want and expect intimacy to happen quickly. Intimacy takes time and is built on multiple levels — emotional, physical, mental, spiritual, etc. The more connected you are on different levels, the more deeply you and your partner will feel about each other.   If you’ve lost the intimacy in your relationship, learn 11 ways to get it back.

6 Powerful Ways To Keep Intimacy Alive With The One You Love

Most of us have experienced situational intimacy when gazing into our partner’s eyes during sex or over a candlelit dinner. If you’ve experienced those sweet moments, you know how truly fleeting they are — leaving you wanting more. But situational intimacy, alone, does not allow a relationship to thrive. Successfully cultivating daily moments of intimate also reduces the chances for cheating and divorce. And ultimately, intimacy is essential to a happy and healthy marriage. Learn about the deeper meaning of intimacy and ways to cultivate that in your relationship.

This is the kind of intimacy worth having for a lifetime…

“The way you touched my soul without taking off my clothes. The greatest intimacy lies between the nakedness of two minds.” – Unknown

Invitation to Free Video Series: Cultivate Meaningful Relationships

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12 Things Keeping Us from Opening Our Hearts to Love

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 06/09/2015

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Women are emotional beings in the best possible way.  If you’re like most women, you feel deeply about the man you’re with and take your romantic relationship seriously.  When you’re having problems or things don’t work out with the one you love, your heart aches and absorbs your pain and emotions.

Here is a list of 12 things to know if you are still suffering from heartache.  If love is still elusive, it simply means you are holding onto one or more of these things.  For the ones that ring true to you, doing the inner work in those areas will help you open up to love.

12 Things That Make It Difficult to Let Love In

1. Living in the past

Getting caught up in memories of what could have been, holding onto past hurts and unhealthy emotions, not letting go are all ways of living in the past.  Your future is created in the present moments.  If you find your mind drifting to the past, gently nudge your focus to the present and you will notice that things are actually okay.  Know that this too shall pass.

2. Fear of being hurt

Dates and relationships that don’t work out add up and can make you fearful of being hurt.  When you’re afraid of getting hurt again, you attract what you are afraid of which becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Instead of letting the sum of your dates and relationships feed your fear, look at each individually and ask, “In what ways did this happen for my greater good?”  By learning the lessons you’re meant to learn, the fear of being hurt again will loosen its grip on you.

3. Not being over your ex

Being in love with your ex or wanting him back makes it difficult to let go and move on to the future you’re meant to have.  Instead of getting fixated on figuring out why things ended, the reason will reveal itself in the right time and you will understand why your time together was meant for that period in your life.  When things don’t work out, it simply means there is someone else who is a better fit for you.  Learning how to let go gracefully is a life lesson worth learning.

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How to Let Your Feelings Guide You to Mr. Right

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 05/26/2015

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If you’re single and still looking for a man who fits the list of your must-have qualities, here’s why you should let go of this list.  While your mind thinks it knows what you want, the reality is, it doesn’t know what you need to feel completely fulfilled.  Here’s an example of what I mean.  Have you ever met a guy who meets your criteria but doesn’t touch your heart deeply?  If you have, it’s because your mind was guiding your choice in men.

Your mind thinks it knows what you want – a man who is financially stable, has a good job, drives a newer car, owns a nice home, tall, a full head of hair, in great shape, dresses well, trustworthy, communicates well, etc.  And though the qualities on your list may attract a great man, if you haven’t yet done the inner work to release deeply rooted fears and self-sabotaging beliefs, it will be very difficult to keep him in your life.

Your mind keeps you from knowing what your heart and soul wants and needs to be fulfilled in love.  When you connect with your feelings by noticing the emotions and energy within your body, you will be guided to Mr. Right.

If you’re wondering, “Doesn’t my list help me set standards for the kind of man I want?”  The short answer is having a list and standards don’t go hand in hand.  You could have a list that has nothing to do with the kind of standards you deserve.  For instance, a man who is [list items] good-looking, fun loving, sense of humor, has a great job, owns a house, drives a modern car, is good in bed, won’t necessary produce a man who [standards] appreciates, cherishes and loves you.  You will know these standards by the feelings you get from the way a man treats you.

If a man meets your standards, you will feel this in your body (i.e. things feel right, your body is open and feels at ease, etc.).  Your mind may try to convince you otherwise, and when it does, don’t believe it.

How Lists Tend to Keep You from Mr. Right

Lists are a way of making you inflexible by wanting things to happen a certain way.  Lists are about wanting to control things and give you the false illusion you are in control.

Lists keep you safe because if you are only open to guys who have the qualities on your list, and if a guy you meet doesn’t fit the criteria, you can easily write him off instead of possibly getting hurt.

Lists give you a narrow view and keep you closed off to men who come in many packages.  By sticking to your list, you miss out on the possibility of high quality men who are outside of your peripheral vision.

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How to Transcend Heartache

May 12, 2015
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If you have loved, then your heart has suffered deeply from being let down by men and relationships not working out.  The emotional pain, distress, sorrow, grief or anguish from heartache can be debilitating.  And times of darkness can permeate your entire being and make it seem as if things will never get better.  I […]

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Self-Acceptance: The Problem Women Have On Their Journey to Love

April 28, 2015
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I recently had a wonderful conversation with Michelle D’Avelia, founder of Pushing Beauty.  During our conversation, she shared her thoughts on the biggest problems women have on their journey to love and the mistake she made that was her defining moment. Here’s what Michelle shared… What do you find to be the biggest problem women […]

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Lessons Learned On My Journey to Love

April 14, 2015
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Love is very individual and experiential.  We tend to learn how to love the hard way – by making mistakes and hopefully learning from them.  We all have lessons we’re meant to learn based on where we’re at and where we are meant to be.  The distance between these two places are bridged by the […]

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Struggling with Love? Here’s What to Do

April 2, 2015
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Love was never meant to be hard and if you’re struggling with love, it’s not your fault.  Chances are, you’ve tried to improve things and perhaps have taken steps forward.  Yet, even if you’ve made some strides, it is frustrating when the momentum stops and things start stalling.  One day you’re having a great time […]

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Truth Telling is Essential to Love

March 31, 2015
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I recently had the pleasure of speaking with Jamie Greenwood, who is the founder of JamieLiving where independent go getters who have it together on the outside, yet on the inside feel conflicted, come for a warm-hearted, no-nonsense heart and soul reality check.  During our conversation, she shared her perspectives on the biggest problems women […]

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Love Quotes: What They Mean

March 17, 2015
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Quotes are inspirational, thought-provoking, and cause us to think about the meaning behind the words. Here are some quotes worth sharing along with my perspective on what they mean. The Courage to Love “It takes courage to love, but pain through love is the purifying fire which those who love generously know. We all know […]

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How to Make Decisions Instead of Letting Decisions Make You

March 3, 2015
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“Decisions that make you are driven by fear and not trusting in yourself.  Courage reduces fear while trust increases faith.  Making decisions with courage and faith ultimately leads to better outcomes.” – Janet Ong Zimmerman Are Decisions Making You? Decisions that make you will cause you to become passive, reactive and feel powerless.  When decisions […]

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