Why You Should Stop Listening to Your Friends and Start Listening to Yourself

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 10/07/2014

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From an early age, girls connect through conversations.  They confide in and commiserate with each other.  They are each other’s sounding board, support system, and they give advice with the intention of being supportive.  As young girls grow into adulthood and develop an interest in guys, much of their conversations center around what they should do when things are not going well.

When it came to love, my girlfriends and I would spend hours talking about the guys we liked.  I remember analyzing and wondering why guys would flirt but not ask me out, why he came on strong and lost interest soon after, why a relationship ended when I still loved him, etc.

These why questions soon made way for what questions like, “What should I do if he calls?  What should I do if he doesn’t call?  What if he doesn’t really like me?”  Instead of the clarity and certainty I hoped to have from these conversations, the cycle of confusion and uncertainty continued from trying to figure things out with my friends.

What Happens When Asking Friends for Advice

When you have a dilemma with the guy you’re seeing, it seems natural to talk with a friend about things.  Talking about these dilemmas leads to one of more of these scenarios: (1) she being judgmental about you, your guy or situation; (2) you asking her what you should do; (3) she listening without saying much; (4) she being very vocal and telling you what you should do.

Have you found yourself replaying your dilemma, unable to figure out what to do, and talking to your girlfriend about your problem?  While there may be comfort in sharing your problem with a friend, the information you share tends to come from a place of confusion and doubt.

Since you aren’t seeing things clearly for what they are, these conversations don’t usually accomplish what you want.  Instead, they perpetuate the cycle of confusion and doubt.  These conversations actually take away your power to decide and do what is best for you.

Why You Should Not Ask Friends For Love Advice

A friend’s opinion and advice are mostly biased and rarely impartial because they are based on her experiences, perspectives and outlook on love.  You may think you want advice when you really just want her to listen.  And her advice will lean towards what she would do which isn’t necessarily right for you.  These reasons show why you should not ask your friends for advice.

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How to Stop Feeding Your Ego and Start Loving Yourself

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 09/23/2014

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“The world will ask you who you are, and if you do not know, the world will tell you.” – Carl Jung

The definition of ego is a person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance.  Your ego has been shaped from the moment you were born and starts with conditions outside of yourself.  Ego is the false image you have of yourself based on what you believe yourself to be.  This belief comes from what you were told and how others reacted to you at a young age.

Ego cares more about what other people think of you; it’s when you do things to please others and seek their approval; it’s when you do things in order to appear a certain way.  Ego keeps you from knowing your true self.

What Feeds Your Ego

Ego wants to keep you in your comfort zone, even if your comfort zone isn’t healthy or good for you.  Comfort zones are about feeling safe, secure and comfortable.  Anything that challenges your comfort zone (i.e. change, fear of the unknown) will cause you to hold on tightly to the familiar.

And when you don’t know who you truly are, others opinions of you and the outside world will feed your ego.  You can stop feeding your ego by learning and knowing who you are, and loving your true self.

How to Start Loving Your True Self

“The need to prove who you are will vanish once you know who you are.” – Danielle Pierre

Letting your ego go takes courage and requires stretching your comfort zone, being with the unknown, and letting what’s supposed to happen, happen.  Here are 3 ways to stop feeding your ego so that you can start loving yourself.

1. Stop comparing yourself to others.

Comparing yourself to others is a no win situation.  You will end up feeling bad about yourself because there will always be someone prettier, in better shape, smarter and richer.  And if you compare yourself to the glossy, airbrushed images of women in magazines, you compare yourself to people who don’t really exist.

Instead, focus on emphasizing your best features, getting into your best shape, learning about things that interest you and becoming financially secure.

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Highly Successful But Not in Love? Here’s Why and What to Do

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 09/09/2014

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Are You a Highly Successful Woman?

If you’re a highly successful woman in your career, chances are, you’ve had to influence others, lead teams, develop strategies, implement tactics, manage projects, set schedules, negotiate for more time, control situations or meet deadlines.  This driven approach is about focusing on external conditions by affecting and motivating others.

Achieving this level of success doesn’t just fall into place and happen.  It takes a lot of hard work, energy and dedication.  It’s about doing and making things happen.  These masculine traits that work so well in your professional life unfortunately don’t transfer to the same kind of success in romantic love.

Greater Success Means More Masculine Energy

Did you know the more successful you are in your professional life, the more connected you are to masculine energy?  While there is nothing wrong with being connected to your masculinity, if you are looking for a deep and meaningful relationship with a masculine man, you will want to be more connected with your feminine essence in your love life.

Connecting with your feminine essence is more than skin deep – it’s more than the way you dress and the cosmetics you wear.  Being feminine isn’t about changing who you are to attract and keep a man.  It isn’t a weaker, subservient role than being masculine.  In a harmonious relationship, both the feminine and masculine energies create a harmonious and synergistic relationship

Since a highly successful woman spends lot of time at work using and being successful with masculine traits, it is understandable why these traits become her dominate way of being in her love life.  If you can relate, then you may have experienced confusion, frustration and disappointment when you’ve initiate communication and dates with a man only to have him back off.  Here’s what’s happening…

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Women Who Do These Three Things Are More Likely to Cause Good Men to Pull Away

August 26, 2014
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Have you been on great dates or in a promising relationship only to have a guy pull away?  If so, it can be confusing when things seem to be going well and then he becomes distant.  I’ve been there and in hindsight, realized that rushing things, being too passive, and being jaded and skeptical pushed some […]

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32 Days to Love Yourself More

August 12, 2014
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I believe we are born with self-love and learn to be critical and judgmental about ourselves at a young age.  If you are having critical and judgmental thoughts about yourself, you aren’t yet loving yourself completely.  Since the relationship you have with yourself directly affects your relationship with others, learning to love yourself is the […]

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Why Real Intimacy is the Key to Love

July 29, 2014
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“Intimacy is not purely physical.  It is the act of connecting with someone so deeply, you feel like you can see into their soul.” – Unknown Intimacy is essential to a healthy and fulfilling relationship.  With intimacy, you experience a deeper connection with your partner and increase the likelihood for lasting love.  Without intimacy, you […]

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Create the Love You Desire By Setting Boundaries

July 15, 2014
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“All her life, Claire had had a problem figuring out where other people ended and she began. All her life, she’d taken on the world’s hurt; she held herself responsible. But why?” -  Elin Hilderbrand Why Boundaries Matter Nothing good comes from loving without boundaries.  When you love without boundaries, you may have good intentions, thinking […]

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Are You Exhausted by Love? Learn How to Relax Your Tired Mind and Heart

July 1, 2014
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Women are amazing, capable and strong.  They can achieve virtually anything when harnessing their minds and hearts.  They strive to be successful in their career, to raise wonderful children, to be the perfect friend, to be there for family, and to find the perfect love.  If you relate to these women, then you understand that […]

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How to Spot Red Flags in an Unhealthy Relationship

June 17, 2014
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Even healthy relationships have ups-and-downs, which can make it difficult to know how solid things are with you and your partner.  Here’s the difference between unhealthy and healthy relationships.  In an unhealthy relationship, ups-and-downs are high highs and low lows.  There are more lows than highs.  You are taken on a roller coaster ride where […]

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7 Common Romantic Relationships Myths to Stop Believing

June 3, 2014
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Myth: an idea or story that many people believe, but is not true Re·al·i·ty: something that actually exists or happens I bought into the following myths at different times in my love life.  When I believed them, my love life was harder and more stressful.  After doing the inner work and learning my lessons, these […]

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