How to Make Decisions Instead of Letting Decisions Make You

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 03/03/2015

Post image for How to Make Decisions Instead of Letting Decisions Make You

“Decisions that make you are driven by fear and not trusting in yourself.  Courage reduces fear while trust increases faith.  Making decisions with courage and faith ultimately leads to better outcomes.” – Janet Ong Zimmerman

Are Decisions Making You?

Decisions that make you will cause you to become passive, reactive and feel powerless.  When decisions make you, you will suffer from unnecessary pain, heartache and stress.  Here are examples of decisions that make you:

  • Letting things happen to you like waiting to be chosen by a guy.
  • Not acting on your intuition only to learn the guy you’re seeing is married.
  • Swallowing your voice instead of speaking up when something feels wrong.
  • Being a guy’s doormat instead becoming his dream girl.
  • Staying in a relationship even though things aren’t working out.
  • Believing time is running out and staying with someone that’s good enough.
  • Not making a decision because you don’t know what to do.

How Decisions and Choices Add Up

As an instant gratification society, we’re all about making decisions that keep us comfortable or feeling good now.  If you’re making decisions these types of decisions, you may be in a physical relationship getting your sexual needs met when your ultimate desire is to feel deeply connected with someone on the level of mind, body, and soul.

If you’re in this situation, don’t let hindsight be your teacher.  While hindsight lets you see how decisions and choices add up, it takes you further away from what you want.  Here’s my story…

When I was in my 20s to early-30s, I didn’t realize I should be putting as much focus on my love life as my professional life.  I made solid decisions about my career and let guys and love happen to me.  As a result, I found myself being in an on-again, off-again relationship with the same guy during most of my 20s.  And in my 30s, spent time in a five year relationship that should have over after a year.

It took a while and it wasn’t until my late 30s when I started to make better decisions about love which eventually led me to my dear husband.

It’s obvious I made wise career decisions yet let decisions make my love life.  If I had the foresight, I would have spent less time with smooth-talking men and in the wrong relationships.  I would have given some great guys a chance, and let myself be open and vulnerable instead of letting pain and heartache keep my heart closed.
Continue Reading…

{ 0 comments }

5 Articles About Love Every Smart, Independent Woman Should Read

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 02/17/2015

Post image for 5 Articles About Love Every Smart, Independent Woman Should Read

“When looking for a life partner, my advice to women is date all of them: the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. But do not marry them. The things that make the bad boys sexy do not make them good husbands. When it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated and ambitious. Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home. These men exist and, trust me, over time, nothing is sexier.” — Sheryl Sandberg

1. Sorry, But 30 Is Not The New 20 When It Comes To Love

Many women approaching 30 focus on building their careers thinking that they’ll have time to find love, get married and perhaps raise a family.  Yet so many of these women who think they can have it all find themselves still single or in unfulfilling relationships in their 30s.  If you want love, here’s why time is of the essence, why you must make better choices, and what to do to prepare yourself for love.

2. The REAL Reason Hookups Leave You Feeling So Lonely

In the heat of the moment, hooking up can feel so fun, sexy and spontaneous.  Being desired by another and touched physically has its advantages.  But soon after, you may be left feeling disconnected and alone.  If you’re like many women having casual sex, one-night stands, and “hooking up” hoping to feel a connection, learn what’s really happening, what no one wants to admit and how to stop hooking up.

3. Could Sleeping With Him Too Soon Ruin Your Shot At Love?

Are you having sex early on hoping to turn dates into a relationship?  If so, you should know that guys have sex early on to fill their biological needs, not because they want things to turn into more.  Sleeping with a guy early on can actually be beneficial.  But in the context of wanting more, learn why it’s never in your best interest to think you’re the exception, and what you can do to keep his interest instead of having sex too soon.

Continue Reading…

{ 0 comments }

The Real Reason Smart, Successful Women Are Still Single

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 02/03/2015

Post image for The Real Reason Smart, Successful Women Are Still Single

Smart successful women have become very adept at being men.  I know this because in my professional life, I dressed like a woman yet acted like a man to be respected and promoted to positions of greater responsibility.  When it came to love, acting like a man left me confused, disappointed and frustrated that I wasn’t finding the same success in love.

If you can relate or have experienced much success in your career, chances are you’ve had to use these masculine qualities to get the job done.

  • Analyze data and think your way to the right answers
  • Manage and direct tasks, projects and people
  • Pursue new business and negotiate deals
  • Assert and push yourself to meet deadlines
  • Stick to the plan in order to progress towards goals and objectives

Scenarios Where Successful Women are More Comfortable with Their Masculine Essence

The more we are connected to our masculine essence, the harder it can be to connect with our feminine essence.  And when adhering to the male standards for career success, we unintentionally de-emphasize our feminine qualities.  If you’re like I was, you may have experienced these scenarios in dating and your romantic relationships.

  • Pursuing men or initiating contact
  • Giving too much instead of letting yourself receive graciously
  • Over-analyzing and over-thinking things
  • Trying to control things
  • Holding onto the notion that men and love have to happen a certain way

These scenarios reveal that many smart, successful women are more comfortable with their masculine qualities, and less comfortable with their feminine essence.  They tend to view femininity in a negative light and have a misperception of what being feminine actually means. 

Continue Reading…

{ 0 comments }

All Men Are Not the Same: It’s Your Choice in Men That Are the Same

January 20, 2015
Thumbnail image for All Men Are Not the Same: It’s Your Choice in Men That Are the Same

Women who believe, “All men are the same or there are no good men,” are viewing men in a negative light.  This belief stems from the bad experiences they continue to have with men.  The reality is…men are different.  There are wonderful men who appreciate, cherish and respect women.  There are selfish men who view women as […]

Read the full article →

Are You Doing These Things to Complicate Your Love Life?

January 6, 2015
Thumbnail image for Are You Doing These Things to Complicate Your Love Life?

When it comes to dating and relationships, most every woman does things she doesn’t mean to that complicate love.  If you can relate and are struggling with love, it doesn’t have to be this way. Common things you may be doing that make love harder and ways to simplify love Here are eight things you may […]

Read the full article →

It Started With A Few Dry Patches Of Skin…

October 21, 2014
Thumbnail image for It Started With A Few Dry Patches Of Skin…

What started out on my face as a few small dry itchy spots earlier this spring progressed into a larger red dry patch to the side of my right eye that has been there since the end of July.  In early October, the skin condition on my face intensified.  My face felt very itchy, red […]

Read the full article →

Why You Should Stop Listening to Your Friends and Start Listening to Yourself

October 7, 2014
Thumbnail image for Why You Should Stop Listening to Your Friends and Start Listening to Yourself

From an early age, girls connect through conversations.  They confide in and commiserate with each other.  They are each other’s sounding board, support system, and they give advice with the intention of being supportive.  As young girls grow into adulthood and develop an interest in guys, much of their conversations center around what they should […]

Read the full article →

How to Stop Feeding Your Ego and Start Loving Yourself

September 23, 2014
Thumbnail image for How to Stop Feeding Your Ego and Start Loving Yourself

“The world will ask you who you are, and if you do not know, the world will tell you.” – Carl Jung The definition of ego is a person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance.  Your ego has been shaped from the moment you were born and starts with conditions outside of yourself.  Ego is the […]

Read the full article →

Highly Successful But Not in Love? Here’s Why and What to Do

September 9, 2014
Thumbnail image for Highly Successful But Not in Love? Here’s Why and What to Do

Are You a Highly Successful Woman? If you’re a highly successful woman in your career, chances are, you’ve had to influence others, lead teams, develop strategies, implement tactics, manage projects, set schedules, negotiate for more time, control situations or meet deadlines.  This driven approach is about focusing on external conditions by affecting and motivating others. […]

Read the full article →

Women Who Do These Three Things Are More Likely to Cause Good Men to Pull Away

August 26, 2014
Thumbnail image for Women Who Do These Three Things Are More Likely to Cause Good Men to Pull Away

Have you been on great dates or in a promising relationship only to have a guy pull away?  If so, it can be confusing when things seem to be going well and then he becomes distant.  I’ve been there and in hindsight, realized that rushing things, being too passive, and being jaded and skeptical pushed some […]

Read the full article →