5 Articles About Love Every Smart, Independent Woman Should Read

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 02/17/2015

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“When looking for a life partner, my advice to women is date all of them: the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. But do not marry them. The things that make the bad boys sexy do not make them good husbands. When it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated and ambitious. Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home. These men exist and, trust me, over time, nothing is sexier.” — Sheryl Sandberg

1. Sorry, But 30 Is Not The New 20 When It Comes To Love

Many women approaching 30 focus on building their careers thinking that they’ll have time to find love, get married and perhaps raise a family.  Yet so many of these women who think they can have it all find themselves still single or in unfulfilling relationships in their 30s.  If you want love, here’s why time is of the essence, why you must make better choices, and what to do to prepare yourself for love.

2. The REAL Reason Hookups Leave You Feeling So Lonely

In the heat of the moment, hooking up can feel so fun, sexy and spontaneous.  Being desired by another and touched physically has its advantages.  But soon after, you may be left feeling disconnected and alone.  If you’re like many women having casual sex, one-night stands, and “hooking up” hoping to feel a connection, learn what’s really happening, what no one wants to admit and how to stop hooking up.

3. Could Sleeping With Him Too Soon Ruin Your Shot At Love?

Are you having sex early on hoping to turn dates into a relationship?  If so, you should know that guys have sex early on to fill their biological needs, not because they want things to turn into more.  Sleeping with a guy early on can actually be beneficial.  But in the context of wanting more, learn why it’s never in your best interest to think you’re the exception, and what you can do to keep his interest instead of having sex too soon.

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The Real Reason Smart, Successful Women Are Still Single

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 02/03/2015

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Smart successful women have become very adept at being men.  I know this because in my professional life, I dressed like a woman yet acted like a man to be respected and promoted to positions of greater responsibility.  When it came to love, acting like a man left me confused, disappointed and frustrated that I wasn’t finding the same success in love.

If you can relate or have experienced much success in your career, chances are you’ve had to use these masculine qualities to get the job done.

  • Analyze data and think your way to the right answers
  • Manage and direct tasks, projects and people
  • Pursue new business and negotiate deals
  • Assert and push yourself to meet deadlines
  • Stick to the plan in order to progress towards goals and objectives

Scenarios Where Successful Women are More Comfortable with Their Masculine Essence

The more we are connected to our masculine essence, the harder it can be to connect with our feminine essence.  And when adhering to the male standards for career success, we unintentionally de-emphasize our feminine qualities.  If you’re like I was, you may have experienced these scenarios in dating and your romantic relationships.

  • Pursuing men or initiating contact
  • Giving too much instead of letting yourself receive graciously
  • Over-analyzing and over-thinking things
  • Trying to control things
  • Holding onto the notion that men and love have to happen a certain way

These scenarios reveal that many smart, successful women are more comfortable with their masculine qualities, and less comfortable with their feminine essence.  They tend to view femininity in a negative light and have a misperception of what being feminine actually means. 

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All Men Are Not the Same: It’s Your Choice in Men That Are the Same

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 01/20/2015

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Women who believe, “All men are the same or there are no good men,” are viewing men in a negative light.  This belief stems from the bad experiences they continue to have with men.  The reality is…men are different.  There are wonderful men who appreciate, cherish and respect women.  There are selfish men who view women as sex objects and treat them poorly.  And there are men in between.

The reality is, if you think, “All men are the same or there are no good men”, you are choosing the same type of men over and over.  At first glance, this may not make sense.  You might be wondering, “How could I be choosing these men?  They’re the ones approaching me.”

Here’s something you may not realize…

What You May Not Realize About Your Choice in Men

If you tend to attract the same kind of men, there are certain signals you’re sending that cause them to approach you.  These signals may be unconscious and unintentional.  For instance, if you have a deeply rooted belief of, “I am not enough”, you will tend to attract men who don’t value you and don’t treat you the way you deserve.  Or if you tend to dress provocatively, you’ll tend to attract men who want to have sex with you early on.  These scenarios reinforce the thought, “All men are the same.”

How to Change Your Choice in Men

To attract a different kind of man, change the signals you’re sending with these practices.

  • Envision the healthy love life you desire.
  • Imagine the qualities that your ideal man possesses.
  • Determine who you need to become and be to attract your ideal man and have a healthy love life.
  • Reflect on who you’re being and what you’re doing in your love life that’s causing these same men to approach you.
  • In areas where there is a gap between who you need to become and who you’re currently being, develop a practice for closing that gap. For instance, if you need to become an open communicator and you’re currently not expressing your true thoughts and feelings, practice speaking up even if your voice shakes.
  • Be consciously aware about the type of men you tend to be attracted to, including their common qualities.
  • Whenever you meet a man that has these qualities, this is a sign to not let things progress with him.
  • Notice good men around you. If you’re having a hard time doing so, think of your sisters, friends or love ones who are with good men. Whenever you have the thought, “There are no good men”, replace that thought with the thought of these good men.

Choose Wisely

Don’t try to make a man love you or don’t chase a man who doesn’t genuinely care for your well-being.  If you do, you are setting yourself up for disappointment and heartache, further reinforcing your belief that all men are the same.  When a man really wants you in his life and cares for you, you will know it.  Otherwise, you will always be wondering if he does.

Making better choices in men will let you see that all men are not the same.  How will you begin to shift your perspective about men?

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Are You Doing These Things to Complicate Your Love Life?

January 6, 2015
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When it comes to dating and relationships, most every woman does things she doesn’t mean to that complicate love.  If you can relate and are struggling with love, it doesn’t have to be this way. Common things you may be doing that make love harder and ways to simplify love Here are eight things you may […]

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It Started With A Few Dry Patches Of Skin…

October 21, 2014
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What started out on my face as a few small dry itchy spots earlier this spring progressed into a larger red dry patch to the side of my right eye that has been there since the end of July.  In early October, the skin condition on my face intensified.  My face felt very itchy, red […]

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Why You Should Stop Listening to Your Friends and Start Listening to Yourself

October 7, 2014
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From an early age, girls connect through conversations.  They confide in and commiserate with each other.  They are each other’s sounding board, support system, and they give advice with the intention of being supportive.  As young girls grow into adulthood and develop an interest in guys, much of their conversations center around what they should […]

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How to Stop Feeding Your Ego and Start Loving Yourself

September 23, 2014
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“The world will ask you who you are, and if you do not know, the world will tell you.” – Carl Jung The definition of ego is a person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance.  Your ego has been shaped from the moment you were born and starts with conditions outside of yourself.  Ego is the […]

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Highly Successful But Not in Love? Here’s Why and What to Do

September 9, 2014
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Are You a Highly Successful Woman? If you’re a highly successful woman in your career, chances are, you’ve had to influence others, lead teams, develop strategies, implement tactics, manage projects, set schedules, negotiate for more time, control situations or meet deadlines.  This driven approach is about focusing on external conditions by affecting and motivating others. […]

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Women Who Do These Three Things Are More Likely to Cause Good Men to Pull Away

August 26, 2014
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Have you been on great dates or in a promising relationship only to have a guy pull away?  If so, it can be confusing when things seem to be going well and then he becomes distant.  I’ve been there and in hindsight, realized that rushing things, being too passive, and being jaded and skeptical pushed some […]

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32 Days to Love Yourself More

August 12, 2014
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I believe we are born with self-love and learn to be critical and judgmental about ourselves at a young age.  If you are having critical and judgmental thoughts about yourself, you aren’t yet loving yourself completely.  Since the relationship you have with yourself directly affects your relationship with others, learning to love yourself is the […]

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