Most of us make moments matter that give us more of what we don’t want. This shows up when we get caught up in moments of fear like thinking we’re not good enough, being afraid to say what we really mean, pleasing others at the expense of our own happiness, or not doing what we know we should do. These moments add up and give us partners who don’t treat us well or we waste precious time in relationships that aren’t right for us.
If you’re disappointed and let down by love, you’re giving more attention to what you don’t want. If you relate to that and are feeling bad or judging yourself, please don’t. You’re only human and are doing the best you can in any given moment. You wouldn’t choose to do things in a worse way.
The good news is from this moment on, you can choose to approach love differently. Before we get into the approach of how to make every moment count in a beneficial way, here’s a closer look at why moments matter.
Why every moment matters
In any given moment, your thoughts, actions, and choices/decisions are creating your reality and future. These examples show why every moment matters and what you can do to make those moments count for your greater good.
- If you’d like to feel deeply connected with your partner yet aren’t opening up for fear of being hurt, you’ll feel distant from your partner. Make these moments count by expressing how you’re really feeling and what you’re truly thinking without having an attachment to the outcome. The more you practice opening up, the easier it will be. In doing so, you’ll begin to experience that meaningful connection you desire.
- If you’d like to be in a loving relationship with a great guy, yet are spending your focus, time and energy on your job, quality men will pass you by because everything you’re doing is going towards your job. Make these moments count by focusing time and energy on your love life. Spend time in places where your ideal man is. Release unsupportive habits and patterns to let your inner beauty shine.
A new relationship in the honeymoon phase is energizing. This is the phase where you can’t get enough of each other and are (mostly) on your best behavior. If you’re smitten and worried about the honeymoon phase wearing off, you may question if your relationship is healthy enough to stand the test of time.
That question can either take you into a downward spiral of doubt and uncertainty. Or you can take that question as a sign to shift your focus to what matters most. If he’s a great guy and you want to have a lasting relationship with him, what matters most is creating the space and energy for a healthy relationship to thrive.
Here are 4 proactive practices to help you create the right space and energy.
Practice 1: Don’t take things personally
What others do is a reflection of their consciousness, where they’re at, the lessons they’re meant to learn and growth they’re meant to experience. If your partner says or does something that’s hurtful, don’t make it mean something bad about you.
Instead, come up with other perspectives on the way you’re seeing things. For instance, when you’re getting upset about what your partner said, ask, “I know he loves me. If he’s saying this from a place of love, what else might this mean?”
You may be thinking, “I’d like to experience love with ease and clarity. Who wouldn’t want that?” Yet what we’d like doesn’t always happen as evidenced by the struggles many women have around love (i.e. thinking they’re running out of time, not believing there are great men out there, having a hard time moving on from their past, etc.)
Perhaps these are some of the same struggles you’re experiencing…and if so, you’ll soon learn an approach that helps you experience your journey to love with more ease and clarity. But first, here’s an explanation of a common approach that may be causing your journey to be fraught with struggle.
What keeps you from ease and clarity
If you’re like many successful women, you’re used to doing and thinking your way to success in almost all areas of life. When it comes to your job, doing and thinking has probably led to great results. This linear and logical approach that works so well in your professional life tends to have the opposite effect in your love life. Here’s why…
Love isn’t linear and logical. It’s circular and vague at times. The linear and logical approach of doing and thinking your way to love brings up insecurities, doubt, uncertainty – this inner turmoil makes you see things for what you imagine them to be.
When doing and thinking your way to love, you’ll be doing one or more of these things.
- Initiating dates and communication
- Giving too much and feeling unappreciated or being taken advantage of
- Overanalyzing his words and actions
- Talking with friends to figure out your love dilemmas
- Controlling things to happen the way you want them to
- Maneuvering things to get your needs met
- Having a hard time being with what is