Why Problems Are the Solution to the Love You Desire

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 08/15/2017

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There’s no doubt that problems can drain us, be frustrating, and cause a lot of uncertainty and stress.  When we don’t deal with our problems, they end up following us around and even chasing us, as if they’re begging for our attention.

When faced with a problem, the way we deal with it will either take us further away from love or move us closer to love.  Further away from love happens when we blame, avoid, are in denial, and let things get worse.  Moving closer to love happens when we deal with our problems by taking responsibility for our part of the equation.

What’s in your way is the way

When we’re stuck in a problem, it’s hard to see resolving that problem is part of the journey we’re meant to take.  Our first reaction may be to become angry, blame it on the guy we’re seeing, feel sorry for ourselves, distract ourselves by keeping busy, numb ourselves with unhealthy or dangerous substances.

Yet each time you take care of a problem as it happens instead of letting it fester, means removing a roadblock that moves you closer to love.  That’s why the problem that’s in your way is the way to the love you desire.  And that’s the reason you’re the solution to the love you desire.

Realizing you’re the solution is empowering because what you want is in your hands.  You no longer need to feel like love either happens or it doesn’t.  You no longer need to feel helpless, as if your fate rests in someone else’s hands.  You can shape your destiny.

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How to Get a Man to Be Open with You

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 08/01/2017

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High-quality men crave and want to feel close to the woman they care about.  And since men weren’t raised to be open and vulnerable, it’s hard for them to share their innermost thoughts and feelings.  Even if they want to, they’re not sure how to do so.

Masculine men tend to want to be seen as strong.  Since many women perceive vulnerability as being weak, most men aren’t inclined to bare their souls, nor their true thoughts and feelings.  And when men have tried to open up and be vulnerable, many women haven’t responded positively.

Why a man’s ability to open up depends on you

Helping a man open up has to do with the space you create for him and your own communication style.

  • The space you create is the container where he either feels safe to open up and share or he feels criticized by you. If you believe being vulnerable is courageous, you’ll create a space for him to open up.  If you believe vulnerability is weak, he’ll sense your disapproval when he tries to be open.  Does your body language or attention span give off the impression that you’re too busy to hear him?  Or are you fully present and patient with him?
  • Your own communication style is how you tend to express yourself. For instance, do you communicate clearly, honestly, and compassionately?  Or do you feel like he should know what you want?  In sticky situations, do you tend to get triggered and become too emotional, or are you able to remain levelheaded and respond from that place.  Do you listen to understand?  Or do you listen to defend?

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Why Dating Makes It Hard to Find The One

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 07/18/2017

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If you’re like most women who’ve been dating for a while, chances are, you find it disappointing, painful, and perhaps even exhausting.  Dating for most women is a means to the end goal of getting into a committed and lasting relationship.  What many don’t realize is the chances of finding the one from dating are slim.

If dating is making it hard to find the one, if dating has become more painful and you’re feeling discouraged and disconnected from love, here’s what I believe and have experienced.

Dating is actually a diversion from Mr. Right and meaningful love.  Since dating has a different meaning for everyone, from hanging out and hooking up to companionship or monogamy, different dating expectations leave more people confused and less people getting what they want.

The distinction between dating and courtship

You may be wondering what the main differences are between dating and courtship.  They have this in common – both involve guys and can look the same on the surface.  But here’s the difference.

People date for different reasons and have different expectations.  Some date because they want something casual.  Others for companionship.  And some because they’re looking for true love.  Different reasons and expectations lead to more people being let down and not getting what they want.

Modern day courtship has a universal meaning with the understanding that both are with each other for the same reason – the intention is if things go well, things will naturally progress into a committed relationship (then engagement, then marriage if that’s what you both want).

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Having a Hard Time Setting Boundaries Because You Don’t Want to Seem Controlling?

June 27, 2017
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It can be hard to set boundaries when you want to be seen as carefree and easy-going. But every time you find yourself feeling upset, frustrated, disappointed, or any kind of negative emotion, one of your boundaries have been crossed. Not setting boundaries causes us to go along with whatever a man wants, even if […]

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The Myth That Love Will Fall Into Place

June 13, 2017
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From my 20s through mid-30s, my professional life was my main focus.  I worked for well-respected companies, was busy striving, and promoted to positions of greater responsibility.  I earned a good living and was self-sufficient, all the while thinking love would happen. While I dated guys and had relationships with some of them, they never […]

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How to Know if He Really Likes You

May 23, 2017

If you’ve been seeing a man you really like and aren’t sure how he feels about you, what should you do? Or what if you really like a guy, but aren’t sure if he likes you? In the short video below, you’ll learn specific things to watch for.  You’ll also learn how to ask him […]

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Bigger Boobs Mean a Happier Love Life

May 9, 2017
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That was the story I told myself through my 20s.  Now that I’m older and wiser, I see how my story of “bigger boobs mean a happier love life” negatively affected my body image and experience of love.  My friend and I even talked about getting boob jobs, but then decided not to because of […]

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How 5 Seconds Can Positively Change Your Love Life

April 25, 2017
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Have you noticed how easy it is to talk yourself out of doing something that you don’t feel like doing?  Even if it could improve your love life?  If so, you’re just being human. We’ve all talked ourselves out of one or more of these situations. Not putting ourselves on a dating site because we’re […]

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Having Healthy Boundaries Without Becoming Controlling

April 4, 2017

If you’ve bought into the myth of unconditional love, you may be against having boundaries. Or if you want to be seen as the cool girl whose easy going and doesn’t rock the boat, you may be uncomfortable enforcing boundaries. Most of us tend to learn about having and enforcing boundaries through the trial and […]

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How to Keep a Man Interested in You and Make Your Relationship Last

March 21, 2017
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Today’s post is from Nick Bastion, a dating and relationship expert. He shares 5 specific ways to keep your man’s interest and make your relationship last… How do you keep a man interested and make it so that you’re never stuck wondering what went wrong, what to do, and how to fix it? Do you […]

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