Is He The One for You?

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 05/17/2016

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Why knowing if he’s the one is hard

When you’re with a guy you really like and things seem hopeful, or when you’ve been in a long-term relationship and want things to work out that’s a difficult question to answer.  Yet if you’re looking for a committed relationship with someone you want to spend your life with, knowing the answer within the first 3-6 months is ideal so you don’t spend unnecessary time and energy on something that’s not meant to be.

Hindsight is 20/20 and part of me wishes I had known the importance of answering that question early on.  But things aren’t necessarily ideal — I was the type that learned through trial and error when it came to love.  Knowing what I know now, here’s what I would have told my 20-something year-old self in hopes that it helps you answer that question.

How clearly know if he’s the one

Clarity is the key to knowing the difference between the one for now and the one for always.  The problem with clarity is it’s a catch 22.  Since you’re the one in your situation, it’s hard to be objective which makes it hard to see things clearly.

So, how can you see clearly while in the situation?  By being very aware of what’s going on in these areas.

  • The thoughts you have about the guy you’re with and your relationship
  • The way you feel from having those thoughts
  • The dynamics of your relationship and how they fit (or don’t fit) with your values
  • How he treats you and how you feel about that

Being aware means being present to “what is” so you connect with your true feelings instead of talking yourself into someone that isn’t right for you.

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How to Find Peace With a Breakup You Didn’t Want

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 05/03/2016

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Breakups tend to be heartbreaking, especially if you desperately wanted things to work out or were blindsided when it happened.  If you’ve been or are in this situation, then you know how excruciating things are – you obsess over him and wonder if he’s thinking about you.  Focusing on work is impossible, nights and weekends are harder than week days, and life is no longer the same.

I know how painful things are after a breakup.  For me, the pain endured after a series of breakups with a few wonderful men that shook me to the core.  I lost confidence in my ability to find and have true love.  And I began to think, “Maybe I’m not lovable” and wondered if I would ever find that special someone.  If your breakup has shook you to the core, I completely understand how you’re feeling and hope these next words help you feel more at ease.

Sometimes a breakup is meant to bring you back together…

On occasion, a breakup happens when two people still deeply care for and love each other.  This is usually due to unresolved issues that affect the dynamics of the relationship, where one or both individuals don’t know how to work through the issues.

So, how do you to tell the difference between unresolved issues that can be resolved vs. unresolved issues where both individuals are better off apart?  The way to tell the difference is if the desire to resolve things are coming from a place of fear or love.

If coming from fear, you’ll feel desperate, insecure, and will behave and act in ways to solely get back together with your ex.  In the process, you won’t feel good about yourself because you’ll be compromising your values.  If you do get back together, the changes you made won’t be sustainable since they didn’t come from within.  When fear is the underlying energy, a relationship can’t thrive.

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5 Secrets to Loving Wholeheartedly

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 04/12/2016

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Wholeheartedly defined: Having or showing no doubt or uncertainty about doing something, supporting someone, etc.

Love is one of the most desired experience every woman longs for.  Yet desire alone doesn’t mean love will follow.  If you have a deep desire for love, yet aren’t able to fully love another or be loved, then you know how hard love can be.

What Happens When Past Wounds Are Carried Into the Present

Love is only hard when you carry wounds from your past into the present.  You end up reliving wounds that show up in these ways – looking for a guy to complete you, thinking you’re not _____________ enough, trying too hard, overthinking things, waiting for the other shoe to drop, and on and on.  All wounds when left unhealed don’t allow for loving another wholeheartedly.

If you find yourself holding back in your relationship or are hesitant to put yourself out there, you’ll want to create the conditions to love wholeheartedly by healing your wounds.

When healing your wounds and then approaching love with these secrets, you’ll be able to love wholeheartedly and completely shift your experience of love for the better.

Five Secrets to Loving Wholeheartedly

Secret #1: Love yourself first

Loving wholeheartedly is only possible when we love ourselves first.  This means accepting and embracing the parts of yourself you tend to hide from others.  This means creating and living a life you love so that you’re not looking for a guy to complete you.

Secret #2: Love without expectations

Expecting things to happen a certain way will keep you from being completely in because you’ll be doing something in order to get something.  Instead, set intentions for what you’d like, then take consistent action and make decisions in favor of what you’d like, and let things unfold naturally.

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How to Not Lose Your Self Worth Because of Love

March 29, 2016
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If you’re like I was, you’ve done things in the name of love that caused you to lose your self-worth.  These things can start in small ways like changing your schedule to accommodate him and spill over into bigger areas like losing a meaningful female friendship because you’re spending every waking moment with him. Losing […]

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From Struggle to Feeling Empowered: My Journey to Love

March 15, 2016
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There was a time when I felt powerless about my love life — I waited to be chosen or tried hard in subtle and not so subtle ways to get that cute guy’s attention.  Both led me down the path of disappointment, heartache, and wondering if I would find true and lasting love. In hindsight, […]

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Essential Ways to Draw Love to You

March 1, 2016
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If you’ve been putting forth a lot of effort and are feeling exhausted by your love life, you’ve been swimming upstream against the tide. When swimming upstream, you end up trying so hard to make things happen. And instead of attracting love, you unintentionally push it away. Drawing love towards you feels a lot like […]

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How to Set Healthy Boundaries Around Giving

February 16, 2016
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Giving too much and getting very little in return? Do you tend to give a lot in your relationship and not get the same in return? Are you giving too much as a way to hold onto your man? Is it easier for you to give and harder to receive? If you’re saying yes to […]

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What Not to Do When You Desperately Want Love

February 2, 2016
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Love is the most powerful force that causes us to do desperate things, including acting in cringe-worthy ways that make us regretful. I know this firsthand and at the time when I was doing cringe-worthy things, I didn’t equate it with desperately wanting love. Being desperate about love caused me to not see things clearly. […]

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Why Guys Have Become Lazier in Love

January 19, 2016
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If you’re doing most of the work in your dating life or relationship, and don’t like the way things are progressing, you might think guys have become lazier in love. If this is your experience, it’s helpful to understand how things have become that way. My perspective is many women have unintentionally allowed or enabled […]

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Choose One Word for the New Year

January 5, 2016
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If New Year’s resolutions aren’t for you, and you’d like a way to create your desired life and experience of love, choose one word to focus on this year. The intention for this word is to help you become your best self, guide and shape your year, and ultimately create what really matters. Ease is […]

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