What Not to Do When You Desperately Want Love

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 02/02/2016

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Love is the most powerful force that causes us to do desperate things, including acting in cringe-worthy ways that make us regretful. I know this firsthand and at the time when I was doing cringe-worthy things, I didn’t equate it with desperately wanting love.

Being desperate about love caused me to not see things clearly. I overlooked red flags, misread things, and imagined things to be a certain way when they weren’t. For instance, after a long dry spell of not dating anyone, I met a guy whom I really connected with. We had a great time and because I wanted things to work out, I overlooked red flags including his recent breakup with his fiancé, and him selling his house to move out of state. Needless to say, things ended a few months after we met.

If you relate to what I’ve shared, you’ve most likely done the same or something similar. In this situation, the most important thing is to be kind to yourself and learn from what you’ve been doing so you can stop taking a desperate approach to love.

If you’re not sure if you’re desperate for love or want confirmation, here are 10 signs to help you know.

Subtle (and not to subtle) signs that reveal if you desperately want love

1. You obsess about love (i.e. not finding it, guys you’re dating, how things will turn out, etc.).
2. You feel constantly depressed about your relationship status.
3. You sleep with guys early on hoping things turn into more.
4. You compare yourself to others and judge yourself negatively.
5. You’re not happy for others when they’re in a fulfilling relationship.
6. You’re settling for less than you deserve or want.
7. You can only feel happy and whole when you’re in a relationship.
8. You don’t have much going on in your life; your life is your relationship.
9. You give and do too much and get very little in return.
10. You don’t want to admit you want love badly.

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Why Guys Have Become Lazier in Love

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 01/19/2016

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If you’re doing most of the work in your dating life or relationship, and don’t like the way things are progressing, you might think guys have become lazier in love. If this is your experience, it’s helpful to understand how things have become that way. My perspective is many women have unintentionally allowed or enabled them to become that way. But here’s the good news…it also means women can reverse this by not allowing or enabling guys.

When you’re the one initiating contact, making dates and plans, making arrangements for both your social calendars, you’re essentially doing many things your guy should be doing. And this makes it easy for him to not have to do much which can make you feel unappreciated, taken advantage of, and eventually resentful.

It’s not completely their fault

Ever since women’s liberation has given us financial stability and control in virtually all areas of life, some women have taken things to an extreme, and in the process, devalued the very qualities that should be valued in men. These qualities include letting men pursue and initiate on their own time, being the leader in the relationship, being chivalrous, etc.

Many women send the message that they don’t need a man, even though under their bravado is a secret desire to find a good man. When men get this message, many feel discouraged and uncertain because of the way things have progressed. And as a woman, instead of feeling disappointed or angry, could you feel compassionate instead…?

It’s got to be difficult not knowing how best to pursue and initiate with a woman when she’s the one pursuing and initiating. It must be demoralizing trying to be the leader in a relationship when a woman is trying to control things or constantly changing plans. And wanting to open doors for a woman when she opens them herself can’t be an enjoyable experience.

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Choose One Word for the New Year

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 01/05/2016

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If New Year’s resolutions aren’t for you, and you’d like a way to create your desired life and experience of love, choose one word to focus on this year. The intention for this word is to help you become your best self, guide and shape your year, and ultimately create what really matters.

Ease is My Word

For the past few years, life has been quite busy. I’ve been working full-time while building Love for Successful Women, spending time with my husband, family and friends, living responsibly, and squeezing in a social life. Early in 2015, I became an auntie to my beautiful niece and nephew, Mia and Leo. Their arrival into this beautiful world, along with my busy lifestyle, has brought what really matters to the forefront.

What really matters is spending more of my time in ways that bring me great joy. Since time is a premium, I’d like to figure out how to expand my time to create my ideal lifestyle while feeling easeful about the time I currently spend on things that are less than ideal.

Why Ease Matters to Me

Here’s why that matters to me. Like many of you, I’ve been carrying a full load. Our lives aren’t compartmentalized and one thing affects another. So the pressure I feel at times from other areas of my life can sometimes affect the way I show up in my love life. And if I’m honest, sometimes, I don’t like the way I’ve shown up. Here’s what I mean…

My husband values being listened to and heard. Sometimes when I’m working late into the night and have a deadline to meet, I’m not always able to stop what I’m doing to pay close attention to what he’s saying. Ideally, I would stop everything I’m doing, be fully present, and hear what he’s saying. I do the best I can and fortunately, my husband is understanding. Yet, it’s not what I prefer and something I’d like to change.

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9 Things to Give Up for Good

December 22, 2015
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If love is hard, it’s because you’re unintentionally holding onto ways of being or doing that cause pain and suffering. As the New Year approaches, here are 9 things you’ll want to give up in order to make love easier and easeful. 1. Control If you’re used to doing it all, having most things turn […]

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12 Ways to Love

December 8, 2015
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Saying “I love you” and showing your love are two very different things. Love is more than just words. And if you want to show your love, put these 12 ways into practice and you’ll enjoy a happy and healthier relationship. 1. Give the gift of experience In this day and age, people have most […]

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7 Signs You’re Being Too Nice

November 24, 2015
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Do you have the Nice Girl Syndrome? Whether you’re dating or in a relationship, being too nice eventually becomes detrimental to you and negatively affects the dynamics with your partner.  If you’re a nice girl, you may not notice this because that’s the way you’re used to being.  Being nice is fine.  But if on […]

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Are You Hooking Up, Hoping You’ll Be the Exception?

November 10, 2015
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If the thought of hooking up seems exciting and empowering, or if you’re hooking up and wanting to be in a committed relationship, my hope is that the message in this post helps you think differently. There’s actually nothing wrong with hooking up… There’s no shortage of guys to hook up with if that’s what […]

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Why Clarity is Essential to Getting the Love You Want

October 27, 2015

Why love seems hard and what you can do The reason love seems hard is because when the wrong men, dates, and relationships happen to us, it’s easy to become disappointed, frustrated, and even jaded.  When those emotions can wear away at our self esteem and self worth, making us feel powerless in getting the love we […]

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One Super Easy Way to Know a Man’s True Intentions

October 13, 2015
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If you’ve been seeing a guy and things are going well, you might wonder, “Is he wanting something casual?  Is he seeing other women?  Maybe I’m wanting to rush things.., etc., can get in the way of relaxing and letting the answers rise up.  Thoughts like those that swirl around in your head don’t allow for seeing […]

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Make Every Moment Matter

September 29, 2015
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Most of us make moments matter that give us more of what we don’t want.  This shows up when we get caught up in moments of fear like thinking we’re not good enough, being afraid to say what we really mean, pleasing others at the expense of our own happiness, or not doing what we know […]

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