Self-Acceptance: The Problem Women Have On Their Journey to Love

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 04/28/2015

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I recently had a wonderful conversation with Michelle D’Avelia, founder of Pushing Beauty.  During our conversation, she shared her thoughts on the biggest problems women have on their journey to love and the mistake she made that was her defining moment.

Here’s what Michelle shared…

What do you find to be the biggest problem women have on their journey to romantic love?

I feel that self-acceptance is one of the biggest problems facing women.  On my path, I wasn’t aware that I lacked self-acceptance. It wasn’t obvious to me.  I’ve always been a confident, independent, strong woman, and like many women, I have easily thought I was in a better place than I was. It’s easy to hide from things.  On my path, I realized I had big worthiness issues and didn’t think I deserved love.

My last romantic relationship helped catalyze deep change in my life. Through my partner’s unconditional love and the timing of my own journey, I was able to see a lot of my own trauma and unhealthy patterns. As our relationship deteriorated, I began to abandon myself in hopes to keep the love that I thought had been so revolutionary to my life when, in fact, self-love is where I needed to place my attention.

Women are inclined to be givers and we have to be in a healthy space with ourselves in order to give to others.  When we give to ourselves first, support ourselves, and love ourselves, the rest tends to fall into place.

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Lessons Learned On My Journey to Love

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 04/14/2015

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Love is very individual and experiential.  We tend to learn how to love the hard way – by making mistakes and hopefully learning from them.  We all have lessons we’re meant to learn based on where we’re at and where we are meant to be.  The distance between these two places are bridged by the experiences that help us learn and grow into our best selves.

If you tend to compare yourself to other women (i.e. can’t understand why they’ve found love and I haven’t), let these comparisons go.  Keep in mind that every woman is on her own journey – some paths are more direct while other paths take indirect routes – all meant for each individual’s greater good.

The Typical Journey to Love

Most every woman’s process of finding love (myself included) goes something like this…the trial and error approach such as making mistakes, repeating the same unhealthy patterns, dating and being in relationships with men who aren’t right for us, blaming the other person when problems come up, sacrificing our integrity, etc.

Then after much heartache and having had enough, an awakening happens when we realize things have to change.  This is what happened to me after two breakups with the man I dearly loved.  These breakups caused me to look within and reflect on how I had been approaching and perceiving love.

Five Major Love Lessons

By reflecting and making positive changes within, I’m able to share these valuable lessons to help alleviate further heartache and shortcut your journey to love.

Lesson #1: Everything happens for your greater good

Everything happens for your greater good, especially love’s difficulties.  It may not seem like it at the time, yet these difficulties are happening to help you learn, grow and become your best self.  When you’re in a challenging situation, don’t ask, “Why me…?  Why is this happening to me…?  Why is he doing this…?”

Instead, ask, “Why is this happening for me?  What is the positive lesson I’m meant to learn from this?  How I can take this situation and apply it in a way that helps me grow?  What is the perfection in this situation?”  Then stay open to the answers that come up.

Lesson #2: Love happens when you are ready 

If you think that time is running out, it’s understandable to want love now.  Wanting love now can actually be harmful because you will tend to be desperate, overlook red flags, and settle for a guy who isn’t the best fit for you.

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Struggling with Love? Here’s What to Do

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 04/02/2015

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Love was never meant to be hard and if you’re struggling with love, it’s not your fault.  Chances are, you’ve tried to improve things and perhaps have taken steps forward.  Yet, even if you’ve made some strides, it is frustrating when the momentum stops and things start stalling.  One day you’re having a great time with a guy you really like.  The next day and the day after, you don’t hear from him and wonder if he’s changed his mind about you.  Or you find yourself not saying what you really mean to your partner because you’re afraid of speaking your truth.

I’ve been there and have been confused and uncertain from being in these kinds of situations.  The problem I found when trying to improve things were they made me feel like I had to be a watered down version of myself in order to get and keep a man’s attention or I was wearing a mask that would fall off at any moment.  When I tried to improve things on my own, the things I tried didn’t bring me true and lasting love.  So then I started to look for answers by reading books and Googling solutions to my dilemmas.

How do you know what to do?

If you’re like I was, the things you’ve tried to improve your love life haven’t really worked.  You know things aren’t working, and you’re not sure what to do.  The tips, tricks and techniques can only help a little.  And if you’re looking for the real deal when it comes to love, it requires learning how to love at a really deep level – a level that goes way beyond tips, tricks and techniques.  If you want to improve your love life once and for all, it’s best to get some help from the right person.

Learning how to love at a deeper level takes time and help from someone who has walked in your shoes, transformed her own love life, and is in a fulfilling and loving relationship.  If years have passed you by and you still haven’t found true love, then you need something like an in-depth program.  There are a lot of courses and programs out there, and it’s important to find the ones that help you at a deeper level.

It’s okay to ask for help

I have a confession: My love life was a failure for a long time – I was in an on-again, off-again relationship for 7 years, in a 5 year relationship that should have lasted a year, and broke up twice with the man I loved dearly.  I gave the impression that things were fine, but deep inside, my heart was breaking and I was longing for true and lasting love.  In my late 30s, I found success in love and shortly after, met “the one”.

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Truth Telling is Essential to Love

March 31, 2015
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I recently had the pleasure of speaking with Jamie Greenwood, who is the founder of JamieLiving where independent go getters who have it together on the outside, yet on the inside feel conflicted, come for a warm-hearted, no-nonsense heart and soul reality check.  During our conversation, she shared her perspectives on the biggest problems women […]

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Love Quotes: What They Mean

March 17, 2015
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Quotes are inspirational, thought-provoking, and cause us to think about the meaning behind the words. Here are some quotes worth sharing along with my perspective on what they mean. The Courage to Love “It takes courage to love, but pain through love is the purifying fire which those who love generously know. We all know […]

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How to Make Decisions Instead of Letting Decisions Make You

March 3, 2015
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“Decisions that make you are driven by fear and not trusting in yourself.  Courage reduces fear while trust increases faith.  Making decisions with courage and faith ultimately leads to better outcomes.” – Janet Ong Zimmerman Are Decisions Making You? Decisions that make you will cause you to become passive, reactive and feel powerless.  When decisions […]

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5 Articles About Love Every Smart, Independent Woman Should Read

February 17, 2015
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“When looking for a life partner, my advice to women is date all of them: the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. But do not marry them. The things that make the bad boys sexy do not make them good husbands. When it comes time to settle down, find someone […]

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The Real Reason Smart, Successful Women Are Still Single

February 3, 2015
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Smart successful women have become very adept at being men.  I know this because in my professional life, I dressed like a woman yet acted like a man to be respected and promoted to positions of greater responsibility.  When it came to love, acting like a man left me confused, disappointed and frustrated that I […]

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All Men Are Not the Same: It’s Your Choice in Men That Are the Same

January 20, 2015
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Women who believe, “All men are the same or there are no good men,” are viewing men in a negative light.  This belief stems from the bad experiences they continue to have with men.  The reality is…men are different.  There are wonderful men who appreciate, cherish and respect women.  There are selfish men who view women as […]

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Are You Doing These Things to Complicate Your Love Life?

January 6, 2015
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When it comes to dating and relationships, most every woman does things she doesn’t mean to that complicate love.  If you can relate and are struggling with love, it doesn’t have to be this way. Common things you may be doing that make love harder and ways to simplify love Here are eight things you may […]

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