How to Keep Your Man from Cheating on You

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 04/22/2014

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Dear friends, Michael and I are co-authors of the international best seller Sexy Secrets to a Juicy Love Life. I’m excited to share a wonderful post from him about a valid subject that many women have experienced or may worry about. His perspective will give you insight that may help you know what to do and ease your mind.

How do you keep your man from cheating on you? It’s very simple. Give him everything he needs.

Now I said everything he needs, not everything he wants. There is a difference.

What he wants is bacon or steak for dinner 3-5 times a week. What he wants is for you to do naughty things for him like striptease on a weekly basis. Or have a threesome with the girl on the lingerie billboard every Birthday and Christmas. Not every guy wants that, but some might want that. That doesn’t make him a bad person those are just some of the random things he has thoughts about during his day. Those are his wants. Not his needs.

We all want different things and some things can be abit too much for us to deliver. Let’s face it: You can’t give people everything they want because then you’d be unhappy and exhausted all the time and that would be no fun. Where would you get what you wanted, right? But you can give your partner what they need. When you do, you’ll be more likely to receive what you need in return.

Back to cheating: People, not just men, but people cheat because they aren’t getting what they need in their relationship. We as humans will look for satisfaction in other places if we aren’t fulfilled with what we have. (It’s obvious, no? Just look at food and eating disorders.)

What does your man need?

A Sense of Freedom– Men are programmed to be free. It’s still there in the caveman DNA to want to go out and plant seeds everywhere as much as possible. So while he doesn’t need to plant his seed everywhere literally,he does need room to breathe, some time in the man cave, and a little time apart from you never hurts either. He can’t feel constricted or suppressed. Otherwise, he will seek breaths of fresh air elsewhere; for example, in the arms of another woman.

Your Feminine Beauty–Whether married or committed to you in the long term, he is choosing you. He is choosing you, because he wants to be with you. But what helped make his decision is your beauty. He likes seeing your face. He loves your touch. He wants to see you smile. He wants to see you shine. When you do, you take away the dreary, sometimes monotonous manner of his masculine mission. Feminine energy provides a much needed reprieve to the ‘go and do it and get it done now’ energy that men have. So whether you believe it or not, he sees your essence, your true beauty and that is part of why he loves coming home to you. It brightens up his day. You brighten up his day. Don’t darken it with your clouds of doubt, stress, concern and worry. If you lighten up, he will too!
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What to Do When You Don’t Know Where You Stand

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 04/08/2014

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Wondering if you should walk away or stay?  It depends.  If you have just met a guy you really like, it takes time to get to know one another.  This is a situation where you stay.  But if you like the guy you’ve been seeing for a while and aren’t sure where you stand, it can be hard to know what to do.

When a guy is not letting you know where you stand or makes himself scarce in your life, it’s understandable to feel confused and frustrated.  If you’re with a guy like this, don’t place a high value on him and don’t put him on a pedestal.  His actions are telling you that you are not his priority so don’t keep asking him where you stand and where the relationship is going.

Hanging out and hooking up or being in an on-again, off-again situation won’t make him realize how much he wants you in his life.  And giving him an ultimatum may force an outcome that you may not be prepared for.  Instead of taking the above-mentioned actions and setting yourself up for disappointment and heartache, here are some considerations.

What to Do

Depending on the situation you’re faced with, you will want to respond accordingly.

Situation #1: He doesn’t tell or show you where you stand

When a guy doesn’t tell or show you, he is keeping his options open because he is just not that into you.  He may want you for sex and not much more.  If you have sex with him, once the physical connection wears off, you will feel used and empty afterwards.

What you should do
Many women stay with a guy hoping the sex will change his mind.  But in the process, they exude an energy of desperation and devalue themselves – reinforcing his desire to keep his options open.  A guy like this isn’t worth your time.  You’re better off cutting ties and being available to meet a man who will tell and show you where you stand.

Situation #2: He tells you he wants you yet shows you otherwise

When a guy tells you that he wants you in his life, and acts like he sometimes does and sometimes doesn’t, his actions are telling you that he isn’t able or willing to fully commit to taking your relationship to the next level.  While he may like you, he values his freedom more.  And if he still hasn’t healed from a previous relationship, there are issues for him to work through so that he can be ready for a new relationship.

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Are You Being Too Rigid About Love?

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 03/25/2014

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Having preconceived notions and expectations of how love should be will keep you being rigid to the possibility of love. Love happens in so many ways – in ways that are beyond the scope of preconceived notions and expectations. Experiencing fulfilling and lasting love means being open to different ideas and ways for love to come your way. It also means setting intentions instead of having expectations.

To know if you are being too rigid, answer these questions.

Am I…?

  • Limiting myself to the way I want to meet that special guy (i.e. meeting a guy while I’m out and about and not on some online dating site.)
  • Not able to go with the flow (i.e. finding it hard to relax when on a date, wondering what he thinks of me and if he is going to ask me out)
  • Closed minded to other perspectives (i.e. resisting his point of view)
  • Judgmental about others (i.e. focusing on a guy’s flaws)
  • Jumping to the wrong conclusions (i.e. believing the imagined stories I am telling myself)
  • Being picky about things that don’t really matter (i.e. superficial aspects of a guy)
  • Having a fixed agenda (i.e. things should or have to happen a certain way)

If you have answered “yes” to many of these questions, you tend to be rigid and set in your ways.

If you are too rigid, these situations will tend to show up in your love life.

  • Not meeting many guys or only meeting the same kind of guys
  • Worrying about what happened, what’s happening and what might happen
  • Finding fault with and trying to change the other person
  • Waiting for something to go wrong
  • Trying to control things
  • Being skeptical and jaded
  • Letting the little things get to you
  • Over-analyzing what he says and does
  • Not enjoying the journey

The energy that comes from being too rigid keeps you from being radiant – it dims your inner beauty. The good news is learning to be less rigid and more open is completely possible.

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Sexy Secrets to a Juicy Love Life

March 20, 2014
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Dating and relationships can be frustrating, confusing and disappointing, especially when the same patterns and men continue to show up. But it doesn’t have to be this way. Instead of repeating the patterns and finding yourself sidetracked by men and relationships that aren’t right for you, you can learn from others. I’m passionate about helping […]

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8 Essential Ways to Communicate Openly

March 11, 2014
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On the other side of fear is where open communication happens.  Things That Stop the Flow of Communication If the way you’ve expressed yourself at an early age was not received well, the residual effects may have carried into adulthood. It can show up as reading too much into things, being afraid of saying things […]

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What to Do When He Seems to Be Losing Interest

February 25, 2014
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When the man you love seems to be distancing himself, it’s understandable to get caught up in over-analyzing, worrying and stressing about what’s going on and what you should do. Here’s what you should know. This is the time to breathe through things instead of figuring out how to get his attention back. Give him […]

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Make Peace with Your Past to Create a Loving Future

February 11, 2014
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History will repeat itself with variations of the same men and relationships that keep showing up when you’re not at peace with your past. The disappointment, regret, shame, anxiety, depression, stress, etc., that ensue from living like this will keep you stuck in the past. Reliving your past in the present will give you a […]

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Let Love Unfold Naturally

January 28, 2014
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You must flow in order for love to unfold naturally. Letting love unfold naturally isn’t about being passive and letting whatever is meant to be, happen. It’s actually about being active and takes self-awareness, self-reflection and a conscious approach. Since we’re only human, we get in our own way at times, me included. In much […]

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What to do if You’ve Started Seeing a Guy You Really Like

January 14, 2014
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Have you been on multiple dates with the same guy and feel as if things aren’t progressing the way you’d like? Or are you fresh off of the dating scene and in a new relationship? When you’re still getting to know each other and things are still new, you may not know what to do […]

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You Are Enough

December 31, 2013
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At an early age, you probably tried harder or were told to try harder if you experienced that you weren’t enough. Perhaps you can relate to one or more of these situations. Your parents paid more attention to your sister or brother. Your teacher rated you as below average in some subjects in school. Your […]

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