Giving Too Much in Your Relationship?

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 10/10/2017

Are you paying for a lot of dates and going along with whatever your man wants?  Are you giving him gifts or doing too much to make things easier for him?

If you’re like a lot of women, you may be giving too much to a man and in your relationship.  If that isn’t making you feel good about yourself or relationship, it’s time to take a step back to understand why you’re giving.

When giving from a place of wanting to please a man, you may think it will make him happy and like you more.  Instead, if it’s not reciprocated, you’ll feel taken for granted, sacrifice your own happiness, and end up with lower self-esteem.

In the video above, you’ll learn how to give from a place that maintains your self-worth.  And if you have a hard time saying no, you’ll learn how to say no in a more comfortable way.

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The Real Reason to Resolve Issues from Your Past

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 09/12/2017

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If love is what you desire, it’s essential to resolve heartache, pain and fears that lingers from the past.  If left unresolved, here’s what happens:

  • We date different guys who bring out in us, the same negative emotions and energy around unresolved issues.
  • We repeat the same unhealthy patterns with guys and in relationships.
  • We bring our past into the present, which keeps us from creating the future we desire.
  • We project our experiences with past men onto other men and become easily triggered thinking that they are the problem when it’s really within us.
  • We become fearful and unable to move directly to what we most want.
  • We have a hard time making decisions that are in our best interest.
  • And more.

How unresolved issues showed up and affected my love life

My tendency was to have one foot in and one foot out of my love life.  The thought of having both feet in and being fully committed scared me.  When I tried commitment, things never seemed to work out the way I wanted.  This reinforced how commitment wasn’t necessarily a good thing.

And since I valued my freedom and independence, I was fine not being in a committed relationship until I really wanted to be.  I told friends I wanted to be in a committed relationship with a great guy, yet having one foot in and one foot out was contradicting what I wanted.

So I continued attracting men who wanted companionship instead of commitment or found myself in short-term relationships.  And when I was in a long-term relationship, I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I didn’t realize this until years later that to me, commitment meant being trapped and controlled.  Only after I was able to reframe my belief of commitment to, “Commitment is a place where I’m free to be loved for myself and supported,” did I find peace with the thought of commitment.  When I felt at peace with commitment, that’s when more men who wanted a commitment showed up, which led to meeting my husband.

Here’s what you should know — it doesn’t matter how badly we want something, because unresolved issues around what we want keeps that away from us.  When we’re not getting what we desire, the men who show up in our lives are reflecting back the area(s) we most need to resolve in order to have what we want. We will only have the love we most desire when we resolve issues from our past.

Resolve means reframing, upgrading, releasing, or accepting

There are many ways to resolve issues.  You can reframe your belief like I did around commitment, upgrade your thoughts to better support you, or come to terms with your past by accepting what happened and doing things differently starting now.

When reframing your belief or upgrading your thoughts, it’s essential that you believe what you’ve reframed or upgraded.  That means sitting with the reframe or upgrade to see and feel how it lands with you.  If it’s the right reframe or upgrade, you’ll start to feel comfortable with it (vs. skeptical about it).

The way you resolve your issues doesn’t matter, unless it’s immoral, unethical, or hurts others.  What matters is just to resolve them.  Here are some ways to identify them.

Identifying unresolved issues keeping you from the love you desire

Write down your responses to the following scenarios.

  • Identify your biggest challenges with love; these are areas that keep coming up for you and keep you stuck.
  • If you’re feeling skeptical and jaded about love, reflect on when those feelings started and where they came from.
  • If you keep dating the same kind of men with different faces, determine the common traits and behaviors of these men. Then notice how you’re showing up with these men and the underlying fears and issues that are continuing this pattern.
  • Reflect on the ways you’ve contributed to the problems in your dating life and ending of romantic relationships

Once you’ve written down your responses, then take steps to reframe, upgrade, release, or accept the issues that are not supporting you in having the love you desire.

How to know if you’ve resolved issues from your past

The easiest way to know if you’ve resolved past issues is to think about that situation(s) that triggers you.  If you no longer feel triggered, that means the negative energy has dissipated.  If you still feel a bit triggered, feel into the emotions from the present without judging yourself.  The more you feel into those emotions from the present, the more the energy that used to come up will dissipate.

Resolving issues from your past will help you move towards the love you desire with more ease and clarity.  You no longer need to let your past issues drive your present and create a future you don’t want.  By resolving your past, you’ll upgrade your present, and transform your future.  What is your biggest takeaway from this article?

Related Article: Why Problems Are the Solution to the Love You Desire

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Is Your Monkey Mind Causing You Problems?

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 09/08/2017

If you tend to think a lot, then you know how easy it is to get caught up in overanalyzing things.  Before you know it, you may have drawn a painful conclusion that isn’t the truth.

As a reformed overthinker, my mind would go into overdrive trying to figure out a guy’s words, behaviors and actions.  The reality is that approach caused my monkey mind to leap from one painful conclusion to another, and before I knew it, I was imagining the worst case scenarios.

If you relate, in this short video, I explain how observing certain thoughts can help them release themselves so you can recognize the truth.  I also explain how making decisions from our body gives us more of the right answers.

P.S. To learn how to have your own answers to love, how to let love happen naturally, and how to simplify love, access my interview in this Free One of a Kind Woman Web Series.  You can watch it on September 16 and 17. 🙂

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Why Problems Are the Solution to the Love You Desire

August 15, 2017
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There’s no doubt that problems can drain us, be frustrating, and cause a lot of uncertainty and stress.  When we don’t deal with our problems, they end up following us around and even chasing us, as if they’re begging for our attention. When faced with a problem, the way we deal with it will either […]

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How to Get a Man to Be Open with You

August 1, 2017
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High-quality men crave and want to feel close to the woman they care about.  And since men weren’t raised to be open and vulnerable, it’s hard for them to share their innermost thoughts and feelings.  Even if they want to, they’re not sure how to do so. Masculine men tend to want to be seen […]

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Why Dating Makes It Hard to Find The One

July 18, 2017
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If you’re like most women who’ve been dating for a while, chances are, you find it disappointing, painful, and perhaps even exhausting.  Dating for most women is a means to the end goal of getting into a committed and lasting relationship.  What many don’t realize is the chances of finding the one from dating are […]

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Having a Hard Time Setting Boundaries Because You Don’t Want to Seem Controlling?

June 27, 2017
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It can be hard to set boundaries when you want to be seen as carefree and easy-going. But every time you find yourself feeling upset, frustrated, disappointed, or any kind of negative emotion, one of your boundaries have been crossed. Not setting boundaries causes us to go along with whatever a man wants, even if […]

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The Myth That Love Will Fall Into Place

June 13, 2017
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From my 20s through mid-30s, my professional life was my main focus.  I worked for well-respected companies, was busy striving, and promoted to positions of greater responsibility.  I earned a good living and was self-sufficient, all the while thinking love would happen. While I dated guys and had relationships with some of them, they never […]

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How to Know if He Really Likes You

May 23, 2017

If you’ve been seeing a man you really like and aren’t sure how he feels about you, what should you do? Or what if you really like a guy, but aren’t sure if he likes you? In the short video below, you’ll learn specific things to watch for.  You’ll also learn how to ask him […]

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Bigger Boobs Mean a Happier Love Life

May 9, 2017
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That was the story I told myself through my 20s.  Now that I’m older and wiser, I see how my story of “bigger boobs mean a happier love life” negatively affected my body image and experience of love.  My friend and I even talked about getting boob jobs, but then decided not to because of […]

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