Create the Love You Desire By Setting Boundaries

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 07/15/2014

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“All her life, Claire had had a problem figuring out where other people ended and she began. All her life, she’d taken on the world’s hurt; she held herself responsible. But why?” -  Elin Hilderbrand

Why Boundaries Matter

Nothing good comes from loving without boundaries.  When you love without boundaries, you may have good intentions, thinking you are being selfless.  You may not realize the far-reaching effects of becoming a man’s doormat.  Or you may think love means having no boundaries because of your romantic notions about love.

If you are not honoring your boundaries in your romantic relationship, you will feel exhausted, overwhelmed and/or drained.  You will be consumed by the drama around you, find yourself in the midst of a lot of conflict, or have a hard time focusing and making decisions.

Loving without boundaries will cause you to sacrifice your integrity and happiness.  You may be taken advantage of, lose your self worth, and feel bad about yourself.  If you put your partner’s needs over yours and go along with what he wants, you will lose yourself in his life.  Ultimately, you will feel uneasy during your relationship because you are doing and giving too much without receiving the same in return.

How to Create Boundaries

Boundaries are so powerful that when set and enforced, will help you create the love you desire.  Here are five specific ways to create boundaries.

1. Honor your values

One of the best ways to create boundaries is to look at things you most value.  For instance, if freedom, happiness, peace, honesty and kindness are important to you, you will want to set boundaries around these values.  This means you will want to date guys and be in a romantic relationship where you are free to live these values.  If freedom is one of your values and you meet a guy where you aren’t free to be your true self, this is a sign that he is not for you.

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Are You Exhausted by Love? Learn How to Relax Your Tired Mind and Heart

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 07/01/2014

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Women are amazing, capable and strong.  They can achieve virtually anything when harnessing their minds and hearts.  They strive to be successful in their career, to raise wonderful children, to be the perfect friend, to be there for family, and to find the perfect love.  If you relate to these women, then you understand that too much striving is exhausting.

The Breaking Point

Striving creates an abundance of problems and eventually leads to feeling drained and worn out.  Striving is focused on doing, thinking and pushing, not being, feeling and allowing.  Striving implies that something is missing within and is found outside of you.  In romantic love, striving, doing, thinking and pushing through to find love tends to lead to disappointing results, especially when looking to get love from someone else.

Have you been exhausted by after trying so hard only to feel disappointed, frustrated and worried because you still don’t have the love you most desire…?  I’ve been here and understand how the struggle from trying so hard and the pressure from stress weighing heavily on your shoulders are enough to bring you to your breaking point.

Your breaking point is where overwhelm, worry, uncertainty and anxiety reside.  It’s where you are tired and losing your will to continue on the same path.

Listen to Your Mind and Body

If you are at this point, it’s time to take a break.  While your mind may be trying to convince you to push forward, your feelings and body do not lie.  When it’s time to take a break, it will show up in these forms of dis-ease.

  • Your mind isn’t letting something go
  • You are in a funk and can’t stop feeling down about your situation
  • You constantly think something’s wrong with you
  • You can’t see the silver lining in the cloud
  • You are not sleeping well
  • You are not properly taking care of your health
  • Your body consistently feels worn out
  • Certain parts of your body ache and hurt
  • You get sick and take a longer time to recover
  • Your face breaks out with dry patches, or rash, acne, etc.
  • You feel conflicted, dissonant, depressed, or have an overall sense of discord

It is at this time that you most need to relax and stop striving so hard to find love.

Take a Break

Stop what you’re doing and take a break from your efforts to find love.  Instead, care for yourself by focusing on you in a loving and kind manner.  In doing so, you will find self love transforming exhaustion into well-being.  This will empower you to approach love through renewed eyes, mind and heart.

Here are 11 practices to rest your exhausted mind and heart while rejuvenating your desire to once again find love.

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How to Know if You Are in an Unhealthy Relationship

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 06/17/2014

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Even healthy relationships have ups-and-downs, which can make it difficult to know how solid things are with you and your partner.  Here’s the difference between unhealthy and healthy relationships.  In an unhealthy relationship, ups-and-downs are high highs and low lows.  There are more lows than highs.  You are taken on a roller coaster ride where you constantly feel more drained than uplifted.  You and your partner are challenged by the same issues that keep coming up and handle them like children (e.g. avoidance, tantrums, denial, I’m right / you’re wrong, etc.).

Healthy relationships are more balanced with even ups-and-downs.  There are more highs than lows and if something goes wrong, you don’t automatically think, “Will this end?”  Instead, you sense that things will be okay.  When challenges come up, both people handle them in an adult manner by discussing things rationally, being open to the other person’s perspective and working things out for the greater good of the relationship.

Obvious signs of unhealthy relationships are mental, physical or emotional abuse.  But what about the subtle signs that aren’t as clear?  The kind of signs that typically show up as the tiny voice in the back of your head — the voice that causes you to question things and leaves you feeling uncertain.

Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship

If you are in an unhealthy relationship, some or all of these 16 signs will be present.  Each sign shows a comparison of unhealthy and healthy, to help you know what is good and not good in a relationship.

1. Denying yourself things you desire

In an unhealthy relationship, you won’t be doing or will be doing less of the things you want or like.  Instead, more often than not, you will go along with what your partner wants.  In a healthy relationship, you are doing things you desire and feeling good about them.

2. Justifying to friends and family why you’re with him

In an unhealthy relationship, you find yourself defending him or explaining his behavior to the people who care about you.  In a healthy relationship, you are not defending or explaining his behavior to others because you won’t feel compelled to.

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7 Common Romantic Relationships Myths to Stop Believing

June 3, 2014
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Myth: an idea or story that many people believe, but is not true Re·al·i·ty: something that actually exists or happens I bought into the following myths at different times in my love life.  When I believed them, my love life was harder and more stressful.  After doing the inner work and learning my lessons, these […]

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Four Articles to Improve Your Dating Life

May 20, 2014
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How Dating Has Evolved and What You Can Do Hundreds of years ago, dating was a formal process where men courted women.  The original intent of dating was to learn about each other and decide if they were a good fit for marriage.  Free love with sex was the focus in the 1960s where women […]

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Reasons to Stop Obsessing Over Your Ex

May 6, 2014
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When we lose one blessing, another is often, most unexpectedly, given in its place.” – C.S. Lewis Whether a breakup is mutual or one-sided, most women have a hard time not thinking about their ex.  I’ve had a hard time with this and if you have too, you know how hard it is to forget […]

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How to Keep Your Man from Cheating on You

April 22, 2014
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Dear friends, Michael and I are co-authors of the international best seller Sexy Secrets to a Juicy Love Life. I’m excited to share a wonderful post from him about a valid subject that many women have experienced or may worry about. His perspective will give you insight that may help you know what to do and ease your […]

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What to Do When You Don’t Know Where You Stand

April 8, 2014
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Wondering if you should walk away or stay?  It depends.  If you have just met a guy you really like, it takes time to get to know one another.  This is a situation where you stay.  But if you like the guy you’ve been seeing for a while and aren’t sure where you stand, it […]

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Are You Being Too Rigid About Love?

March 25, 2014
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Having preconceived notions and expectations of how love should be will keep you being rigid to the possibility of love. Love happens in so many ways – in ways that are beyond the scope of preconceived notions and expectations. Experiencing fulfilling and lasting love means being open to different ideas and ways for love to […]

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Sexy Secrets to a Juicy Love Life

March 20, 2014
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Dating and relationships can be frustrating, confusing and disappointing, especially when the same patterns and men continue to show up. But it doesn’t have to be this way. Instead of repeating the patterns and finding yourself sidetracked by men and relationships that aren’t right for you, you can learn from others. I’m passionate about helping […]

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