Are You Really Into Him?

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 07/19/2016

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Is he really into you?

The premise of the book and movie “He’s Just Not That Into You” is how to tell when a guy isn’t into you so you can stop wasting time making excuses for a connection or relationship that’s going nowhere.  Despite the clear message of the book and movie, women around the world continue over-analyzing and questioning guys’ behaviors and actions, causing themselves more confusion and non-clarity.

When I read the book and saw the movie, it provided great clarity on how I’d been trying to interpret a guy’s actions.  The light bulb went off and love became so much easier.  I was at peace with, “He’s just not that into me” when I didn’t hear from him after we had a good date.  I had clear answers instead of getting tangled up in questions like, “We had a great time on our date and he said he would call.  Why haven’t I heard from him?  Should I call him or wait for him to call me?”

If you haven’t yet read the book or seen the move, I highly recommend doing so.

While it’s natural to try and figure out a guy’s intentions, it’s to your benefit to start taking the advice of, “He’s Just Not That Into You.”  Then, begin asking the more empowering question, “Am I really into him?”  That question is more empowering because it reveals the truth of if you’re into a guy for the right or wrong reasons.

Am I really into him or am I with him for the wrong reasons?

Very often, when you’re obsessing over getting answers, chasing after a guy, or trying hard to make your relationship work, it’s because you’re with a guy for the wrong reasons.  When it’s for the wrong reasons, your body will feel stressed, contracted, and uncomfortable a great deal of the time.

Take a moment to answer these questions and learn if you’re really into him or if you’re with him for the wrong reasons.

  • Do you try to make things work even though he treats you poorly?
  • Are parts of your life on hold because you’re doing mostly what he wants?
  • Are you sacrificing some of your values in order to cater to him?
  • Do you tend to lose yourself in romantic relationships?
  • Do you not say what you mean and how you feel because you’re afraid he won’t like you?
  • Are you the one giving and doing much more to keep him from leaving?

If you’ve answered yes to many or all of those questions, it means you’re with him for the wrong reasons.  Here’s why – your yes answers are causing you to act in ways that sacrifice your integrity and who you are.

When you’re really into a guy for the right reasons, your integrity will be intact and…

When you’re really into him for the right reasons, you’re able to be your true self and things flow smoothly.  This doesn’t mean things are perfect.  It means you’re feeling open, at ease, and uplifted when you’re with him, without him, and at the thought of him.  It means sticky situations are resolved with grace, care and respect.

Here’s what else will be showing up in your relationship when you’re really into a guy for the right reasons.

  • You’ll feel good about yourself instead of basing your self-worth on what he thinks of you.
  • They’ll be a harmonious exchange of giving and receiving.
  • When sticky situations come up, you’ll take them in stride instead of thinking the worst.
  • You’ll be free to be yourself and live your life.
  • You’ll trust yourself to make choice and decisions that serve you and your relationship well.

The takeaway

If you’re into a guy for the right reasons, continue what you’ve been doing.  But if this article has helped you see that you’re into him for the wrong reasons, it’s for your greater good to leave so you can restore your values and approach love in a way that lets you stay true to who you are.

For more support on approaching love in a genuine way, register for the Engaged At Any Age Training Summit.  You’ll receive advice, strategies, and resources on being more successful in love from more than 30 experts.

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The Only Agreements You Need for Love

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 07/05/2016

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When I read Don Miguel Ruiz’s best-selling book, The Four Agreements, it struck me how life- and love-changing these agreements are when consistently put into practice.  Understanding these agreements is easy while living them can be challenging.  Challenging because as humans, our egos get in the way causing us to say things we don’t mean, take things personally, make assumptions, and be critical of ourselves.

Yet as humans, we’re also blessed with intelligence and the ability to be aware of our egos, so that we can bring our attention back to what’s important – integrating these agreements into our life.

Integrating The Four Agreements in your love life

With each agreement, here are specific practices to implement in your love life.

1. Be Impeccable with Your Word

Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid speaking against yourself or gossiping about others. Use the power of your words in the direction of truth and love.

Practices: Communicate when something happens instead of overthinking and letting it consume you.  Express your real thoughts and feelings so you can be seen and known for your true self.  Speak to yourself in a loving manner; the more you do so, the more things will positively shift.

2. Don’t Take Anything Personally

Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality. When you’re immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

Practices: If a guy you like doesn’t feel the same about you, you may be feeling bad.  If so, it’s because of what you’re making that mean about you.  The reality is, he may think you’re a wonderful woman, and just wants to be with someone who shares similar interests.  If you tend to let things get to you and end up feeling down, ask, “What am I making this mean about me?  How can I see this situation in a way that supports me in having the love I desire?”

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7 Questions to Ask Before Sleeping with Him

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 06/14/2016

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At 29, physical chemistry get the best of me and I found myself in bed with a guy on our second date.  For months after, I cringed every time I thought about that.  You see, I wasn’t the type to just jump into the sack on such short notice.  To understand why that happened, you’d have to know the context.

I was fresh out of a 7 year on-again, off-again relationship of which we stopped having sex 5 years into our relationship.  For 2 years, I had no sex.  So when we finally broke up, my body was longing for that physical connection.

I met him at the gym and on our first date, the conversation flowed.  On our second date, we went dancing and had a lot to drink.  Alcohol made my inhibitions go away and when we went back to his place, that’s when things got steamy.  Sex happened.  Had I been sober and not naive, I may have known to ask these questions and save myself from heartache and pain.

Don’t be naïve like I was.  Learn from my mistakes by asking these questions if you’re thinking of sleeping with a guy you’ve just met.  These questions go both ways; the guy you’re with may also have these questions for you.

1. Is he available or am I a rebound?

It turns out, the guy I slept with was fresh out of a break up with his fiancée.  She was the one who broke things off and he wasn’t available because his heart was still with her.  But I didn’t learn about this until after we had slept together a few times.  And by then, I was infatuated with him.

The lesson here is if you are wanting more than just a hook up, find out if he’s available and wanting something more.

2. Am I inebriated or sober?

If you aren’t the type to just sleep with someone early on when you’re sober, then the after effects of sleeping with a guy when you’re inebriated, is going to be awkward and make you feel uncomfortable.  Liquid courage only lasts for so long and once the morning after arrives, you will tend to feel awkward.

The lesson here is it’s better to decide to sleep with a guy when you’re sober.

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From Struggle to Feeling Empowered: My Journey to Love

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Essential Ways to Draw Love to You

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If you’ve been putting forth a lot of effort and are feeling exhausted by your love life, you’ve been swimming upstream against the tide. When swimming upstream, you end up trying so hard to make things happen. And instead of attracting love, you unintentionally push it away. Drawing love towards you feels a lot like […]

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