Inspiration

Valentine’s Day: A Contrarian Perspective

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 02/11/2017

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Valentine’s Day has been less than a bouquet of roses and box of chocolates for me.  This holiday is over-rated and as a Courtship and Relationship Coach, I should be painting an uplifting picture of Valentine’s Day.  But in the interest of keeping it real, here’s how I feel about this manufactured holiday.

When Valentine’s Day was humiliating, embarrassing and a let-down

You know those distinct moments in time where you feel deeply humiliated, embarrassed and let down – the kind where you clearly remember that makes you feel bad about yourself?  That was me, on Valentine’s Day, when I was 29, 38 and 43 years old.

At 29, I was infatuated with a guy who led me to believe his feelings were mutual.  Blinded by infatuation, I dismissed away these red flags — a fiancée who had recently broken up with him, finding out he was moving when I saw a For Sale sign in front of his house just a month after we met, me flying out to visit him for the weekend at his messy apartment with no food, and me initiating much of the contact.

Even after those red flags and him making less and less effort, I sent him a care package for Valentine’s Day that included a pair of sexy underwear.  I felt humiliated and insignificant when there was nothing in return from him… except for a lackluster phone call that left me feeling even more humiliated because I had put myself on a limb even when my inner wisdom was telling me to do otherwise.

At 38, I started dating a great guy at the end of January.  He invited me over for Valentine’s Day where he cooked me dinner.  It was the sweetest gesture and as we were eating dinner, I felt a gush of blood soak my pants and his chair.  To my horror and embarrassment, Aunt Flo decided to join us on that special day.

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You Are Stronger Than You Think

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 11/21/2016

When life and love are challenging, it’s understandable to shrink back and stay stuck. Yet shrinking back continues the cycle of the same guys and relationships that aren’t right for us.  I know what it’s like to shrink and also know what it’s like to thrive when we let courage lead us.

As appreciation for being a part of my community, here is a 2-minute video I created in hopes of inspiring you to be brave so you can move forward to the love you desire. Which quotes inspire you the most?

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From Struggle to Feeling Empowered: My Journey to Love

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 03/15/2016

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There was a time when I felt powerless about my love life — I waited to be chosen or tried hard in subtle and not so subtle ways to get that cute guy’s attention.  Both led me down the path of disappointment, heartache, and wondering if I would find true and lasting love.

In hindsight, the way I was being and what I did didn’t create the ideal conditions for a man to lean in.  I appeared to be indifferent or came across as eager.  While indifference and eagerness seem opposing, the result was the same.  I unknowingly created conditions that caused a guy I really liked to lean away from me.

Whenever we let something happen to us, we’ll always feel powerless

After two breakups with my now husband, I found myself at the intersection of heartache and a sudden realization.  I had let (what I thought was) love happen to me, and it wasn’t the only time.  In past dating experiences and relationships, things just sort of happened.  I never really stopped to think I could actually create the right conditions for love to thrive.

You see…I had a rich history of looking outward and being afraid to share how I really felt because I was more connected with my thoughts and less connected with my feelings.  After two breakups and decades of not being successful in love, I was forced to look inward.

By looking inward and changing myself from the inside, I created the right conditions for higher value men to show up.  But here’s how things were before and what I did…

Struggling with the discomfort of not being where I thought I should be

I wasn’t able to relax about my love life.  From the outside, I appeared to be calm.  But inside, I struggled with the discomfort of not being where I thought I should be.  While I wanted to be seen as lighthearted, my inner turmoil caused me to seem uptight.  The energy from inner turmoil overshadowed my appearance of calmness and weighed me down.  And as you know, being around an uptight person makes you want to run the other way.

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Choose One Word for the New Year

January 5, 2016
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If New Year’s resolutions aren’t for you, and you’d like a way to create your desired life and experience of love, choose one word to focus on this year. The intention for this word is to help you become your best self, guide and shape your year, and ultimately create what really matters. Ease is […]

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Make Every Moment Matter

September 29, 2015
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Most of us make moments matter that give us more of what we don’t want.  This shows up when we get caught up in moments of fear like thinking we’re not good enough, being afraid to say what we really mean, pleasing others at the expense of our own happiness, or not doing what we know […]

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Experience Your Journey to Love with Ease and Clarity

September 1, 2015
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You may be thinking, “I’d like to experience love with ease and clarity.  Who wouldn’t want that?”  Yet what we’d like doesn’t always happen as evidenced by the struggles many women have around love (i.e. thinking they’re running out of time, not believing there are great men out there, having a hard time moving on from […]

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Struggling with Love? Here’s What to Do

April 2, 2015
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Love was never meant to be hard and if you’re struggling with love, it’s not your fault.  Chances are, you’ve tried to improve things and perhaps have taken steps forward.  Yet, even if you’ve made some strides, it is frustrating when the momentum stops and things start stalling.  One day you’re having a great time […]

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Love Quotes: What They Mean

March 17, 2015
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Quotes are inspirational, thought-provoking, and cause us to think about the meaning behind the words. Here are some quotes worth sharing along with my perspective on what they mean. The Courage to Love “It takes courage to love, but pain through love is the purifying fire which those who love generously know. We all know […]

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Sexy Secrets to a Juicy Love Life

March 20, 2014
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Dating and relationships can be frustrating, confusing and disappointing, especially when the same patterns and men continue to show up. But it doesn’t have to be this way. Instead of repeating the patterns and finding yourself sidetracked by men and relationships that aren’t right for you, you can learn from others. I’m passionate about helping […]

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My Holiday Wish for You

December 25, 2012
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Dear Successful Woman, I’m thinking of you on this Christmas day and am hoping you’re enjoying this beautiful day, a day filled with love, happiness and peace. May you have the love you deserve and desire. Janet Ong Zimmerman

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