Love Advice

How to Respond in the Different Stages of Love

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 09/27/2016

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Many women who feel like they’re putting in a lot of effort into their love life and not getting the love they desire are at the crossroads of exhaustion and uncertainty – exhausted at the thought of continuing to put in more effort and feeling uncertain about how to proceed.

Putting in a lot of effort shows up as pursuing, initiating, trying to control things, over-thinking things, needing certain outcomes – basically, anything that keeps you from ease and clarity.

If you relate to what I’ve just shared, one big shift to make that will bring more ease and clarity into your love life is to respond.  Here’s what you can start doing depending on your relationship stage.

Dating

When dating, let him initiate dates, make plans, and communicate with you in between the times you see each other.  Then respond positively (unless what he suggests is immoral or unethical).  High-quality men value what they work for and if you’re the one who tends to arrange dates and call and text him, you’re teaching him that he can have you without having to put forth much effort.  When he’s not having to put in much effort because you’re doing the work, you don’t really know if he is into you or going along with your plans to pass time until someone else comes along.

Let things develop naturally by taking the time to get to know each other.  Don’t share too much, too soon about yourself because it can seem like you’re too eager, and trying too hard to sell him on why you’re a good catch.  Let him get to know the real you.  Learn about each other’s values, interests, life goals, families, etc.  If love is mean to be, it will happen in the right time with less effort and more ease.  Taking the time to learn about each other also means holding off on having sex too soon.

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The Only Agreements You Need for Love

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 07/05/2016

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When I read Don Miguel Ruiz’s best-selling book, The Four Agreements, it struck me how life- and love-changing these agreements are when consistently put into practice.  Understanding these agreements is easy while living them can be challenging.  Challenging because as humans, our egos get in the way causing us to say things we don’t mean, take things personally, make assumptions, and be critical of ourselves.

Yet as humans, we’re also blessed with intelligence and the ability to be aware of our egos, so that we can bring our attention back to what’s important – integrating these agreements into our life.

Integrating The Four Agreements in your love life

With each agreement, here are specific practices to implement in your love life.

1. Be Impeccable with Your Word

Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid speaking against yourself or gossiping about others. Use the power of your words in the direction of truth and love.

Practices: Communicate when something happens instead of overthinking and letting it consume you.  Express your real thoughts and feelings so you can be seen and known for your true self.  Speak to yourself in a loving manner; the more you do so, the more things will positively shift.

2. Don’t Take Anything Personally

Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality. When you’re immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

Practices: If a guy you like doesn’t feel the same about you, you may be feeling bad.  If so, it’s because of what you’re making that mean about you.  The reality is, he may think you’re a wonderful woman, and just wants to be with someone who shares similar interests.  If you tend to let things get to you and end up feeling down, ask, “What am I making this mean about me?  How can I see this situation in a way that supports me in having the love I desire?”

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9 Things to Give Up for Good

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 12/22/2015

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If love is hard, it’s because you’re unintentionally holding onto ways of being or doing that cause pain and suffering. As the New Year approaches, here are 9 things you’ll want to give up in order to make love easier and easeful.

1. Control

If you’re used to doing it all, having most things turn out the way you’d like, or have a hard time letting go, love actually requires the opposite approach. With love, the more you try and control things, the less you actually get what you want. It’s because controlling leaves very little to no space for flexibility and things to happen the way they’re meant to. When you’re holding onto the way things should be or happen, more often than not, you’ll be disappointed and experience more heartache than need be.

2. Dating

Dating can cause more confusion and doubt because people inevitably have different intentions and expectations. Some date with the intention of having something casual while others date with the intention for things to lead into a committed relationship. Dating raises uncertainty and insecurity, and is the reason why many single people are feeling dissatisfied with their love life.

3. Desperation

Many women who are successful in most are of life don’t know their worth when it comes to love. They end up settling for less than they deserve, and being disrespected and treated poorly by men they’re dating and in a relationship with. When settling and letting yourself be treated poorly, a guy experiences you as a desperate woman. Know that you are worthy of being with a high quality man.

4. Drama

If your love life is like a pendulum filled with highs and lows, and you can easily go from feeling euphoric to being bummed out, it’s time to drop the drama. Drama will cause you to read into things that don’t exist, blow things out of proportion, and react to situations in an unflattering way.

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12 Ways to Love

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Saying “I love you” and showing your love are two very different things. Love is more than just words. And if you want to show your love, put these 12 ways into practice and you’ll enjoy a happy and healthier relationship. 1. Give the gift of experience In this day and age, people have most […]

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A new relationship in the honeymoon phase is energizing.  This is the phase where you can’t get enough of each other and are (mostly) on your best behavior.  If you’re smitten and worried about the honeymoon phase wearing off, you may question if your relationship is healthy enough to stand the test of time. That […]

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Truth Telling is Essential to Love

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I recently had the pleasure of speaking with Jamie Greenwood, who is the founder of JamieLiving where independent go getters who have it together on the outside, yet on the inside feel conflicted, come for a warm-hearted, no-nonsense heart and soul reality check.  During our conversation, she shared her perspectives on the biggest problems women […]

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5 Articles About Love Every Smart, Independent Woman Should Read

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“When looking for a life partner, my advice to women is date all of them: the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. But do not marry them. The things that make the bad boys sexy do not make them good husbands. When it comes time to settle down, find someone […]

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