Love Advice

The Myth That Love Will Fall Into Place

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 06/13/2017

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From my 20s through mid-30s, my professional life was my main focus.  I worked for well-respected companies, was busy striving, and promoted to positions of greater responsibility.  I earned a good living and was self-sufficient, all the while thinking love would happen.

While I dated guys and had relationships with some of them, they never lasted.  I naively thought and assumed love would fall into place.  Instead, my lack of awareness and naiveté would take me on a long and windy path to love.

As a slow learner in love, these realizations never occurred to me until the ripe age of 40.

  • I should have put as much effort into my love life as I did my professional life.
  • My 30s were not the new 20s. My 30s were my 30s… who was I kidding?
  • Love doesn’t just happen — it requires a lot of effort, time and energy.
  • Love happens when I was ready, not when I wanted it.
  • I could have positively influenced the direction and destiny of my love life.

Here’s where my mindset was around love — I remember not feeling like I had much control over love.  I could put myself out there, but had to wait to be chosen.

I’ve since learned otherwise and know we have the power to create the experience of love we desire.

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How 5 Seconds Can Positively Change Your Love Life

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 04/25/2017

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Have you noticed how easy it is to talk yourself out of doing something that you don’t feel like doing?  Even if it could improve your love life?  If so, you’re just being human.

We’ve all talked ourselves out of one or more of these situations.

  • Not putting ourselves on a dating site because we’re going to meet “the one” in person as we go about our daily life.
  • Not going out on a date because it’s more comfortable to stay home and watch TV.
  • Not letting a man know we really like him because it might scare him off.
  • Not opening up with a man we really like because we’re afraid of getting hurt.

When you talk yourself out of doing something that’s good for you and feels uncomfortable…

  • You don’t get to know your true self since you end up living life on a surface level.
  • You don’t give yourself the opportunity to grow into your best self.
  • You don’t feel empowered to create the experience of love you desire because you’re giving your power away.
  • You continue to feel dissatisfied, unfulfilled, and empty.

Why we lean towards doing what feels good or easier

It’s hard to do things that you know will improve your love life, because of our emotions.  We don’t realize this, but most every decision we make is with our feelings instead of logic.  The way we feel in the moment almost never aligns with what’s best for us.

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How to Respond in the Different Stages of Love

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 09/27/2016

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Many women who feel like they’re putting in a lot of effort into their love life and not getting the love they desire are at the crossroads of exhaustion and uncertainty – exhausted at the thought of continuing to put in more effort and feeling uncertain about how to proceed.

Putting in a lot of effort shows up as pursuing, initiating, trying to control things, over-thinking things, needing certain outcomes – basically, anything that keeps you from ease and clarity.

If you relate to what I’ve just shared, one big shift to make that will bring more ease and clarity into your love life is to respond.  Here’s what you can start doing depending on your relationship stage.

Dating

When dating, let him initiate dates, make plans, and communicate with you in between the times you see each other.  Then respond positively (unless what he suggests is immoral or unethical).  High-quality men value what they work for and if you’re the one who tends to arrange dates and call and text him, you’re teaching him that he can have you without having to put forth much effort.  When he’s not having to put in much effort because you’re doing the work, you don’t really know if he is into you or going along with your plans to pass time until someone else comes along.

Let things develop naturally by taking the time to get to know each other.  Don’t share too much, too soon about yourself because it can seem like you’re too eager, and trying too hard to sell him on why you’re a good catch.  Let him get to know the real you.  Learn about each other’s values, interests, life goals, families, etc.  If love is mean to be, it will happen in the right time with less effort and more ease.  Taking the time to learn about each other also means holding off on having sex too soon.

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The Only Agreements You Need for Love

July 5, 2016
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When I read Don Miguel Ruiz’s best-selling book, The Four Agreements, it struck me how life- and love-changing these agreements are when consistently put into practice.  Understanding these agreements is easy while living them can be challenging.  Challenging because as humans, our egos get in the way causing us to say things we don’t mean, […]

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9 Things to Give Up for Good

December 22, 2015
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If love is hard, it’s because you’re unintentionally holding onto ways of being or doing that cause pain and suffering. As the New Year approaches, here are 9 things you’ll want to give up in order to make love easier and easeful. 1. Control If you’re used to doing it all, having most things turn […]

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12 Ways to Love

December 8, 2015
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Saying “I love you” and showing your love are two very different things. Love is more than just words. And if you want to show your love, put these 12 ways into practice and you’ll enjoy a happy and healthier relationship. 1. Give the gift of experience In this day and age, people have most […]

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7 Signs You’re Being Too Nice

November 24, 2015
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Do you have the Nice Girl Syndrome? Whether you’re dating or in a relationship, being too nice eventually becomes detrimental to you and negatively affects the dynamics with your partner.  If you’re a nice girl, you may not notice this because that’s the way you’re used to being.  Being nice is fine.  But if on […]

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4 Ways to Create a Healthy Relationship

September 15, 2015
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A new relationship in the honeymoon phase is energizing.  This is the phase where you can’t get enough of each other and are (mostly) on your best behavior.  If you’re smitten and worried about the honeymoon phase wearing off, you may question if your relationship is healthy enough to stand the test of time. That […]

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What to Do When You Feel Rejected

July 7, 2015
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How Rejection Runs Our Lives Most of us have a fear of rejection.  We’ve been rejected and felt the painful emotions that follow; or we’ve felt badly about rejecting someone.  Either way, rejection feels yucky and holds us back.  It causes us to do things like: Avoiding anything that has to do with the possibility […]

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Truth Telling is Essential to Love

March 31, 2015
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I recently had the pleasure of speaking with Jamie Greenwood, who is the founder of JamieLiving where independent go getters who have it together on the outside, yet on the inside feel conflicted, come for a warm-hearted, no-nonsense heart and soul reality check.  During our conversation, she shared her perspectives on the biggest problems women […]

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