Self Worth

Are You Really Into Him?

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 07/19/2016

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Is he really into you?

The premise of the book and movie “He’s Just Not That Into You” is how to tell when a guy isn’t into you so you can stop wasting time making excuses for a connection or relationship that’s going nowhere.  Despite the clear message of the book and movie, women around the world continue over-analyzing and questioning guys’ behaviors and actions, causing themselves more confusion and non-clarity.

When I read the book and saw the movie, it provided great clarity on how I’d been trying to interpret a guy’s actions.  The light bulb went off and love became so much easier.  I was at peace with, “He’s just not that into me” when I didn’t hear from him after we had a good date.  I had clear answers instead of getting tangled up in questions like, “We had a great time on our date and he said he would call.  Why haven’t I heard from him?  Should I call him or wait for him to call me?”

If you haven’t yet read the book or seen the move, I highly recommend doing so.

While it’s natural to try and figure out a guy’s intentions, it’s to your benefit to start taking the advice of, “He’s Just Not That Into You.”  Then, begin asking the more empowering question, “Am I really into him?”  That question is more empowering because it reveals the truth of if you’re into a guy for the right or wrong reasons.

Am I really into him or am I with him for the wrong reasons?

Very often, when you’re obsessing over getting answers, chasing after a guy, or trying hard to make your relationship work, it’s because you’re with a guy for the wrong reasons.  When it’s for the wrong reasons, your body will feel stressed, contracted, and uncomfortable a great deal of the time.

Take a moment to answer these questions and learn if you’re really into him or if you’re with him for the wrong reasons.

  • Do you try to make things work even though he treats you poorly?
  • Are parts of your life on hold because you’re doing mostly what he wants?
  • Are you sacrificing some of your values in order to cater to him?
  • Do you tend to lose yourself in romantic relationships?
  • Do you not say what you mean and how you feel because you’re afraid he won’t like you?
  • Are you the one giving and doing much more to keep him from leaving?

If you’ve answered yes to many or all of those questions, it means you’re with him for the wrong reasons.  Here’s why – your yes answers are causing you to act in ways that sacrifice your integrity and who you are.

When you’re really into a guy for the right reasons, your integrity will be intact and…

When you’re really into him for the right reasons, you’re able to be your true self and things flow smoothly.  This doesn’t mean things are perfect.  It means you’re feeling open, at ease, and uplifted when you’re with him, without him, and at the thought of him.  It means sticky situations are resolved with grace, care and respect.

Here’s what else will be showing up in your relationship when you’re really into a guy for the right reasons.

  • You’ll feel good about yourself instead of basing your self-worth on what he thinks of you.
  • They’ll be a harmonious exchange of giving and receiving.
  • When sticky situations come up, you’ll take them in stride instead of thinking the worst.
  • You’ll be free to be yourself and live your life.
  • You’ll trust yourself to make choice and decisions that serve you and your relationship well.

The takeaway

If you’re into a guy for the right reasons, continue what you’ve been doing.  But if this article has helped you see that you’re into him for the wrong reasons, it’s for your greater good to leave so you can restore your values and approach love in a way that lets you stay true to who you are.

For more support on approaching love in a genuine way, register for the Engaged At Any Age Training Summit.  You’ll receive advice, strategies, and resources on being more successful in love from more than 30 experts.

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How to Not Lose Your Self Worth Because of Love

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 03/29/2016

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If you’re like I was, you’ve done things in the name of love that caused you to lose your self-worth.  These things can start in small ways like changing your schedule to accommodate him and spill over into bigger areas like losing a meaningful female friendship because you’re spending every waking moment with him.

Losing yourself in your relationship?  Drifting further away from your girlfriends?  Thinking you’re not good enough?  Or sacrificing your integrity?  If you’ve answered “yes” to any of those questions, then the message in these three articles will help you get back on track to knowing your worth.

What are You Worth?

Getting to the place of knowing your true worth is one of life’s journeys. Settling for less than you deserve, chasing love that isn’t yours, being afraid to speak authentically and being overly concerned with your partner’s thoughts of you are all signs of not knowing your worth.

As a successful woman, I didn’t recognize and honor my full worth until my early 40s. I stayed too long in the wrong relationships and stayed in casual relationships when I really wanted a committed relationship. I made a man my priority when I was just his option. I swallowed my voice when I should have spoken up. I thought I was more worthy if I was in a relationship.

Knowing your worth is a gradual process that only happens with awareness and conscious change.  Answer these questions to learn how you feel and think about yourself.

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How to Set Healthy Boundaries Around Giving

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 02/16/2016

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Giving too much and getting very little in return?

Do you tend to give a lot in your relationship and not get the same in return? Are you giving too much as a way to hold onto your man? Is it easier for you to give and harder to receive? If you’re saying yes to any of these questions, you’re unintentionally draining your energy. And in the process, feeling unappreciated, let down, and perhaps resentful.

As a woman, giving is an inherent part of who you are. If you’re used to giving, chances are, you haven’t stopped to consider if the way you’re giving is healthy or unhealthy.

Think about some recent moments when you gave your time, support, money, a gift, or something else to the guy you’re dating or in a relationship with. How did he respond? Was he genuinely appreciative or dismissive? Did he acknowledge you positively or act like it was no big deal? How did his response make you feel? Did you feel appreciated and happy or taken for granted and disappointed when giving to him?

Have you been feeling disappointed?

If you’ve been feeling taken for granted and disappointed, you’ll want to reflect on why you’ve been giving in a way that’s making you feel bad.

Giving in a way that leaves you feeling bad comes from a lack of self-worth and shows up in these scenarios.

  • Trying hard to please him at the expense of your own happiness
  • Feeling obligated
  • Wanting something in return
  • Doing whatever you can so he won’t leave you

The reality of those scenarios can lead to being upset with your guy’s response. But here’s what you should know…

Nothing good comes from getting upset by his response because who you’re really upset with — and don’t realize it — is yourself. It’s always easier to blame him than to look within and discover you’re the one who can turn things around.

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What Not to Do When You Desperately Want Love

February 2, 2016
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Love is the most powerful force that causes us to do desperate things, including acting in cringe-worthy ways that make us regretful. I know this firsthand and at the time when I was doing cringe-worthy things, I didn’t equate it with desperately wanting love. Being desperate about love caused me to not see things clearly. […]

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Self-Acceptance: The Problem Women Have On Their Journey to Love

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I recently had a wonderful conversation with Michelle D’Avelia, founder of Pushing Beauty.  During our conversation, she shared her thoughts on the biggest problems women have on their journey to love and the mistake she made that was her defining moment. Here’s what Michelle shared… What do you find to be the biggest problem women […]

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Create the Love You Desire By Setting Boundaries

July 15, 2014
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“All her life, Claire had had a problem figuring out where other people ended and she began. All her life, she’d taken on the world’s hurt; she held herself responsible. But why?” –  Elin Hilderbrand Why Boundaries Matter Nothing good comes from loving without boundaries.  When you love without boundaries, you may have good intentions, thinking […]

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You Are Enough

December 31, 2013
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At an early age, you probably tried harder or were told to try harder if you experienced that you weren’t enough. Perhaps you can relate to one or more of these situations. Your parents paid more attention to your sister or brother. Your teacher rated you as below average in some subjects in school. Your […]

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5 Reasons to Love with Integrity

May 22, 2012
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“Integrity is not conditional and doesn’t change based on the situation. It is the way you view yourself and how you conduct yourself.” Why you should love with integrity We tend to journey from relationship to relationship without unpacking the excess baggage of heartaches, sadness, disappointment, anger, etc., accumulated from love. We drag these heavy […]

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True Vulnerability Depends on Knowing Your Worth (and…Why Vulnerability is Essential to Love)

April 24, 2012
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Why is self worth necessary in order to be vulnerable? When we seek validation from others, we give away our power by letting them define our worth. If your worth depends on your partner’s validation, you won’t say what’s really on your mind and how you feel. You’ll censor your words and emotions in order […]

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What Are You Worth?

March 27, 2012
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Self worth is based on the value you place on yourself and what you think about yourself.    The Journey to True Worth Starts Within Getting to the place of knowing your true worth is one of life’s journeys. Settling for less than you deserve, chasing love that isn’t yours, being afraid to speak authentically […]

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