Practical wisdom about dating, courtship, and relationships to improve your love life.
Love is like a flower. Love blooms on its own time when cultivated properly. While this concept may be easy to understand, its human nature to try and control things in order to have a certain outcome. There are many more downsides to controlling and more upsides to cultivating.
These examples better illustrate what I mean.
Controlling vs. Cultivating
Controlling gives the illusion that you’re in control, making you think the action you’re taking will cause love to happen. Controlling is about trying to do and think your way to love.
Cultivating can make it seem like you’re passively waiting for things to happen. That’s not the case at all. Cultivating is about who you’re being that causes things to happen.
In Aesop's Fable of The Tortoise and The Hare, Cultivating is the Tortoise and Controlling is the hare...
Controlling by doing and thinking may seem like the action you’re taking will get you to love faster. But if you want love to happen more quickly, you’ll make short-term decisions hoping for long-term results, miss red flags, and say “yes” to men, dates, and relationships that aren’t right for you.
Cultivating things may seem like you’re getting off to a slower start because it takes time and patience. Yet by being patient with the process and letting things happen when they’re supposed to, you’re better able to stay on track and take a more direct route to your vision of love – all because you’re seeing things clearly for what they.
Here’s a driving analogy…
Controlling is getting off of the freeway when traffic is heavy and taking side streets thinking that you’ll get to your destination faster. Instead, it takes longer to get there because your route is less direct and you’re stopping at stop lights and stop signs. In the process, you feel more aggravation and stress from maneuvering your way to the destination.
Cultivating is staying on the freeway when traffic is heavy. Although there are a lot of cars, you’re able to travel with more ease because you’re taking a more direct path. And by the time you get to your destination, you’re in the mindset to enjoy.
The Immense Benefits of Cultivating Love
When cultivating love, you’ll be planting seeds of self-love, compassion, clarity, allowing, intuition, etc., to help love bloom naturally. Here are 5 reasons to plant seeds…
1. See things clearly
Seeing things for what they are instead of what you imagine them to be (i.e. the meaning you’re assigning to the experience or story you’re telling yourself) helps you connect with your inner wisdom so that you know what to do. The more you see things clearly, the less you’ll ask friends and family for their opinion and advice. You’ll have your own answers.
2. Make the right choices and decisions
Because you’re seeing things clearly and not getting caught up in the drama of things, you won’t be making short-term decisions hoping for long-term results. Instead of getting sidetracked by men, dates and relationships that aren’t right for you, you’ll have an easier time making choices and decisions that move you closer to the love you desire.
3. Experience your journey to love with more ease
Cultivating helps you relax and when you’re relaxed, you’re able to show up as your genuine self. You’ll come across as being comfortable in your own skin which high-quality men find very appealing. Being relaxed also helps you trust love to unfold naturally. And when you trust love to happen naturally, the love you receive may be even better than you dreamed of.
4. Learn about a man’s true intentions
When you’re more relaxed and seeing things clearly, you’ll be paying equal attention to a man’s words, behaviors and actions. Instead of being confused by what he’s said and how he’s acting, of making excuses for him, you’ll understand what his true intentions are. By knowing this and if he’s only looking to hang out and hook up, and you want something more meaningful, you’ll be able to leave sooner and be available for a man who wants what you want.
5. Know yourself at a deeper level
Cultivating love is a way of loving yourself. When you love yourself, you get to know, appreciate and embrace your deeper self. A fulfilling and meaningful relationship can only bloom at a deeper level. When you show up as your deeper self, you’ll experience more heart-felt connections.
You’ll know if you’re trying to control vs. cultivate love. When trying to control, your body will feel ill at ease and things won’t feel natural. If this happens, pause and take some deep breaths to ground yourself. Then ask, “How can I let go of my need to control and be more patient and allowing?”
If you’re cultivating love, you’ll feel relaxed, hopeful and trust that things are unfolding the way they’re meant to. What will you do to cultivate love?
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Copyright Love for Successful Women, 2020.