Practical wisdom about dating, courtship, and relationships to improve your love life.
“Integrity is not conditional and doesn't change based on the situation. It is the way you view yourself and how you conduct yourself.”
Why you should love with integrity
We tend to journey from relationship to relationship without unpacking the excess baggage of heartaches, sadness, disappointment, anger, etc., accumulated from love. We drag these heavy bags on dates and into relationships, not realizing that the weight of what we carry will keep showing up until we unpack and release.
Unpacking and releasing our inner baggage helps us become better instead of bitter, hopeful instead of fearful, and trust instead of doubt. This is the best way to love. And it opens the way for seeing love in a fresh, positive light for you to be inspired by the possibility of love.
Five reasons to love with integrity
Inspire and transform your love life with these five reasons to love with integrity.
Reason #1: Be more authentic and drop your mask
We tend to behave and do things in ways that show our good sides or hide the sides that we're embarrassed or ashamed of. Trying to hide these aspects of yourself from your partner is like wearing a mask. You can't have a deep and meaningful connection when you're not able to be authentic.
Integrity means being your authentic self and outing your complete self in your relationship. While it may seem scary to let your partner experience your self-perceived bad sides, you can only have a deeper connection when he's able to know the real you. The way to love with integrity is to uncover, embrace and love all of who you are.
Related article: Love Starts Within
Reason #2: Know your worth and care less about what others think of you
Caring more about what your partner thinks of you than what you think of yourself gives you an unhealthy one-sided relationship. When you derive your worth from your partner, you’ll try hard to please him, and seek to win his approval and love. While you think you’re being a good partner, your partner sees this as desperate and loses respect for you.
Integrity means defining your own self worth and taking action from your definition. When it comes to love, we weren’t taught or trained on how to love. Most of us didn’t have healthy love relationship role models. Our experience comes from when we were children, with our 8-year-old self running our love life.
The way to love with integrity is to understand the beliefs about love you bought into as a child. By knowing what these beliefs are, you’re better able to work through them. Be the most important person in your life. Treat yourself with the same care, respect and love you would like to have your partner treat you with. Have high quality thoughts and love yourself completely.
Related article: Know Your True Worth
Reason #3: Have more peace and less stress
We tend to over think our way to love by analyzing and obsessing about the details of what our partner did or said. We have the same conversations with our friends about why he didn’t call, what it meant when he said or did X, Y and Z. Even after all of these conversations, we're left with no real answers. Being controlled by and stuck in our mind keeps us locked into stress.
Disengaging with your mind and reconnecting with your heart is a healthier approach to love. Love is centered in your heart. Integrity means taking a heart-centered approach by feeling your way to love. The next time you find yourself over-analyzing your partner or relationship, drop into your heart and let it lead you to love. The more you do this, the more peace you'll have in your life.
Reason #4: Be more certain and less doubtful
When we're not sure what to do in love, we tend to tell our friends and family about it and ask what we should do. It makes no sense to ask them for your answers. Their answers are based on their personal perspectives, experiences and biases. Asking them for your answers prevents you from connecting with your intuition. You are the only who has the answers for your life.
Integrity means listening to your intuition by trusting yourself to do the right thing and make the right decisions. In order to access your intuition, quiet your mind and weigh each possible solution based on how each feels. Solution(s) that make you feel expanded are a good sign to move forward. If you feel contracted, that's a sign to not proceed or to wait for more information.
Related article: Let Intuition be Your Guide
Reason #5: Settle for more, not less
We settle for less when we’re not complete with who we are by (unconsciously) searching for someone to complete us. Settling for less includes pursuing someone who isn't interested in you, being in a one-sided relationship, rationalizing your partner’s bad behavior and actions, staying with someone because you don't want to be alone, thinking you don't deserve more, etc.
Integrity means creating love from a place of wholeness, rather than looking for someone to complete you. When it comes to love, two halves don’t make a whole. When you’re complete with yourself and believe, “I am enough”, you'll attract a partner who is also whole. Know that you have the power to create the love you desire.
What is the biggest benefit of loving with integrity?
Loving with integrity means you’ll approach love from love instead of approaching love from fear. When something happens in the past that would normally have been unsettling or stressful, instead of reacting fearfully, you'll respond lovingly. You'll know that despite what's happening, all is and will be well.
You also get to own and stand in your feminine grace and true essence. You get to express yourself fully so that you’ll be heard and understood. You'll have a deeper and more meaningful connection with your partner.
What other reasons can you see for loving with integrity?
For more about integrity and love, read How We Lose Our Integrity in Love.
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Copyright Love for Successful Women, 2020.