Practical wisdom about dating, courtship, and relationships to improve your love life.
Have you noticed how easy it is to talk yourself out of doing something that you don’t feel like doing? Even if it could improve your love life? If so, you’re just being human.
We’ve all talked ourselves out of one or more of these situations.
Not putting ourselves on a dating site because we’re going to meet “the one” in person as we go about our daily life.
Not going out on a date because it’s more comfortable to stay home and watch TV.
Not letting a man know we really like him because it might scare him off.
Not opening up with a man we really like because we’re afraid of getting hurt.
When you talk yourself out of doing something that’s good for you and feels uncomfortable…
You don’t get to know your true self since you end up living life on a surface level.
You don’t give yourself the opportunity to grow into your best self.
You don’t feel empowered to create the experience of love you desire because you’re giving your power away.
You continue to feel dissatisfied, unfulfilled, and empty.
Why we lean towards doing what feels good or easier
It’s hard to do things that you know will improve your love life, because of our emotions. We don’t realize this, but most every decision we make is with our feelings instead of logic. The way we feel in the moment almost never aligns with what’s best for us.
We lean towards doing what feels good now or easier instead of doing what we know in our hearts will makes us better in the long-term. It's not easy to change. If it was, everyone would have what they want. Our minds know what we should do, but our feelings about actually doing it decide for us.
Here’s an example that illustrates that. You know your relationship will benefit by sharing your true thoughts and feelings, when in a sticky situation, with your man. But you feel a bit scared to open up so you opt to keep the peace by going along with what he says. By continuing down that path, you’ll continue tip-toeing around situations that need to be resolved instead of improving your relationship for the long-run.
Our feelings decide for us 95% of the time
According to neuroscientist Antonio Damasio, it’s our feelings that decide for us 95 percent of the time. You feel before you think. You feel before you act. As Damasio puts it, human beings are “feeling machines that think” not “thinking machines that feel.” And that’s how you ultimately make decisions, based on how you feel.
Damasio studied people who had brain damage and couldn’t feel any emotions at all, and he discovered something fascinating: None of his research subjects could make a decision. They could describe logically what they should do and the pros and cons of the choice, but they couldn’t actually make a choice. The simplest decisions such as figuring out what to eat were paralyzing.
What Damasio discovered is paramount for you to understand. Every time we have a decision to make, we subconsciously tally all the pros and cons of our choices and then make a gut call based on how we feel. This happens in a nanosecond. That’s why none of us catch it.
Research: It Only Takes 5 Seconds to Change Your Life
You’re always one 5 second decision away from the love you desire
The truth is there’s actually a very simple way — a 5 second rule — that will help you move past fear and discomfort to improve your love life.
I recently discovered Mel Robbins and her 5 second rule. It’s powerfully simple and helps you end self-doubt, fear and indecisiveness in just 5 seconds. In less than 5 seconds, self-doubt and fear fills our minds. But once you know how feelings affect the way you make a decision, you’ll be able to rise above 5 seconds to positively change your love life.
Watch Mel’s TED Talk that explains how to implement the 5 second rule. Then post in the Comments section the first decision you’ll make to turn your love life around.
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Copyright Love for Successful Women, 2020.