Practical wisdom about dating, courtship, and relationships to improve your love life.
Myth: an idea or story that many people believe, but is not true
Re·al·i·ty: something that actually exists or happens
I bought into the following myths at different times in my love life. When I believed them, my love life was harder and more stressful. After doing the inner work and learning my lessons, these myths disappeared. I’m here to tell you that these myths don’t need to be your reality, and the reality I’ve experienced (you can too) from making changes within.
Myth #1: Love is hard
What makes love hard are all of the painful and stressful experiences we associate with receiving and giving love starting from a young age. The way you have learned to love will determine if love is hard or easy. The reality is love is as easy or hard as we make it to be. If you want to simplify love, start by releasing baggage that you may be unintentionally holding onto.
Myth #2: When I’m in a relationship, I will be happy
There are many people in relationships who are still unhappy. The reality is if you aren’t happy with yourself and your own life first, you will bring that unhappiness into the relationship. Being in a relationship will only magnify your unhappiness. Instead, find your own happiness within and in doing so, your happiness won’t be dependent on what happens in your relationship.
Myth #3: A good relationship doesn’t require work
Many people think that a good relationship is effortless where both individuals are on the same page. They meet each other’s desires, share the same interests and want the same things. The reality is even the best relationships require attention, effort and work. Because you and your partner are individuals with different perspectives, you will see things differently. You will want to respect or resolve these differences. Also, in a long-term relationship, daily life can get in the way. If you’re in a long-term relationship, make sure to nurture your partner and relationship so that it continues to thrive.
Myth #4: My partner should know what I need and how I feel
We may think the person closest to us (our partner) should know what we need and how we feel. The reality is sometimes you may not know what you truly need or how you are really feel. And since you’re human, you are evolving. In these situations, you can’t expect your partner to know or to read your mind. The best way for your partner to know what you need and how you feel is to tell him. In doing so, you give him the opportunity to give you what you need and to acknowledge your feelings.
Myth #5: Being jealous means I love and care for my partner
Jealousy serves no good purpose and only makes you less attractive. The reality is jealousy is actually a sign of insecurity. When you are secure with whom you are, jealousy goes by the wayside. What this means is that if your partner looks at another woman, instead of jumping to the conclusion that he wants her, you see things for what they are – a man appreciating a woman’s appearance. To reduce your jealousy, work on feeling more confident about yourself by understanding and knowing your worth.
Myth #6: If I feel doubtful about my partner at times, it means I’m with the wrong person
The reality is it’s normal to feel uncertain at times, especially if you are with someone whom you are considering spending your life with. Your doubts may have more to do with your fears and less to do with him. For instance, if you are afraid of commitment, it won’t matter who you are with. You will still feel uncertain. Identify what’s underneath your doubt (this will be your fears) and work on resolving these fears. A way to know if you are with the wrong person is that you will be more unhappy than happy in your relationship.
Myth #7: People don’t fight when they are in a healthy relationship
The reality is people fight in healthy relationships. The way they fight determines how healthy their relationship is. When faced with conflict, your impulse may be to defend your position, retreat into silence or pretend that things are okay. In these situations, listen to your partner with an open heart to learn and understand his perspective. This will require you to be present instead of in your mind thinking about how you will respond. When you listen with an open heart, you will hear the meaning behind his words. I know this works because the conflicts my husband and I have resolved have brought us closer.
Have you believed any of these or other myths? If so, share your comments below. I’d love to know, if after reading this post, you are starting to believe less in the myths and more in the realities of the myths.
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Copyright Love for Successful Women, 2020.