Practical wisdom about dating, courtship, and relationships to improve your love life.
“Build a solid foundation for love by creating your vision, uncovering and finding solutions to your barriers, and putting your vision into action” - Janet Ong
Love is a universal desire. Imagine what the world would be like if we were educated at an early age on how to create and sustain love. Instead of being taught the lessons and skills on how to love, we learn through trial and error.
Without a manual, system or clear cut approach to true love, it’s easy to attract incompatible men and repeat the same relationship patterns that keep us stuck. Not knowing how to break the cycle can be frustrating.
Here’s a 3-step lesson plan to build a solid foundation for love: (1) create your vision, (2) uncover and find solutions to your barriers, and (3) put your vision into action.
Create Your Vision
Design your vision of love from your heart. Close your eyes and imagine being in your ideal love relationship with the partner of your dreams. Come from the place that all resources are already in place for having your ideal love life. Ask yourself, “If I had the power to design the love relationship of my dreams, what would it look, be and feel like?”
Consider these questions as you create your vision.
Who do I want to be in my relationship?
How do I want to feel in my relationship?
What do I want to do independently?
What do I want to be doing with my mate?
How do we want to be spending our time together?
What are the “must haves” I want in my mate and relationship?
What personality traits, values, interests, etc. do I want my mate to have?
If you hear internal thoughts like, “yeah, but…”, “that’s not realistic…”, “am I worthy enough…”, “how would I ever…”, this is your mind taking over your heart. Let go of these thoughts and let the responses come from your heart. Be sure to define your vision from what you want, rather than what you don’t want. When we focus on what we don’t want, what we don’t want will keep showing up in our lives.
Once you are clear, focus on what you want as this becomes your path to manifesting your vision. We’ll look at putting your vision into action at the end of this article.
Uncover Your Barriers
Despite what your current or ex partners have done or how they’ve behaved, you can’t make them change to fit your vision of love. You’re the common denominator in all of your love relationships and can only change yourself. The way to a great love life is found by taking responsibility for your role.
Take responsibility by uncovering your barriers to love. Ask yourself these questions to identify specific blocks that are keeping you from your ideal relationship.
What are my biggest challenges in my love life?
What are my self sabotaging traits and characteristics that repeatedly show up in my love relationships?
What thoughts and beliefs continually come up for me around love and men?
What type of men do I tend to attract and what are their common characteristics, traits and values?
Answer these questions truthfully and gain the insight and knowledge to take action in an empowering way.
For instance, a barrier could look like this. Your fear of being rejected or judged by your partner keeps you from fully expressing yourself. This leads to real intimacy missing from your relationship and not feeling truly connected with your partner.
The opportunity is to determine ways to work around your barriers in a sustainable way.
Find Solutions to Your Barriers
Our comfort level with relationship patterns keep us stuck. The fastest way to get unstuck is through you. You’re who you’ve been waiting for to create your love life in the way that fits your vision. You have the power to determine sustainable ways to work around your barriers.
Sustainable workarounds to the instance above could be to practice sharing your thoughts and feelings (the good and self-perceived bad) as they come up, without being attached to how it’s going to sound, how your partner will react, beating yourself up for how you said something, etc. Let your partner see all of who you are. After all, don’t you want to be loved for who you are rather than who you think you should be?
Practicing a new way of being and doing will take time and effort until it becomes a habit. Be patient with yourself as you work around your barriers since it will feel uncomfortable in the beginning. Taking these steps forward will lead you to greater rewards in love.
Put Your Vision Into Action
Now that you’ve defined a clear vision, uncovered and determined solutions to your barriers, you’re ready to take action.
Create a vision board that represents your vision of love. Keep this in a place where you can see it on a daily basis. Look at the images on the board as if your ideal love relationship is already here.
Place your attention on your vision of love. Sit quietly with your eyes closed and visualize your ideal love relationship clearly. See you being your authentic self and doing the things you want to be doing with your ideal partner. As you’re seeing all of this, feel the feelings as if you already have your dream relationship. Do this visioning and feeling once a day.
This is one way to put your desires out to the universe so that the universe can find and send “the one” for you. This is also a way to get in touch with your heart and feelings based on what you’ve defined as important for you to have in a relationship. When you meet that person who brings up these feelings and fits your defined vision, you’ll have met “the one” for you.
Enjoy the Journey
We tend to want to know how things are going to happen, how they’re going to turn out and what we can control. We’re uncomfortable with the unknown and letting things play out the way they’re supposed to. Focusing on your vision allows you to concentrate on what you want.
If you find yourself asking, “How…” questions (i.e. How will this happen?), place your attention back on the “what” (your vision). Wanting to control the “how” limits you to great possibilities. Stay open and allow the universe to bring you someone magnificent, maybe someone even better than you originally dreamt of.
As you take this journey, barriers and old relationship habits will come up. It’s how you handle them that counts. Practice the solutions you’ve identified for your barriers. Be patient with and have non-judgmental awareness about yourself. Aim for practice makes better, not perfect.
Ask a friend in a similar situation to take this journey with you. It will make things more enjoyable, provide a mutual support system and keep you both inspired. I’d love to learn about your vision of love and how you’re building a solid foundation for love.
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Copyright Love for Successful Women, 2020.