Practical wisdom about dating, courtship, and relationships to improve your love life.
Having preconceived notions and expectations of how love should be will keep you being rigid to the possibility of love. Love happens in so many ways – in ways that are beyond the scope of preconceived notions and expectations. Experiencing fulfilling and lasting love means being open to different ideas and ways for love to come your way. It also means setting intentions instead of having expectations.
To know if you are being too rigid, answer these questions.
Limiting myself to the way I want to meet that special guy (i.e. meeting a guy while I’m out and about and not on some online dating site.)
Not able to go with the flow (i.e. finding it hard to relax when on a date, wondering what he thinks of me and if he is going to ask me out)
Closed minded to other perspectives (i.e. resisting his point of view)
Judgmental about others (i.e. focusing on a guy’s flaws)
Jumping to the wrong conclusions (i.e. believing the imagined stories I am telling myself)
Being picky about things that don’t really matter (i.e. superficial aspects of a guy)
Having a fixed agenda (i.e. things should or have to happen a certain way)
If you have answered “yes” to many of these questions, you tend to be rigid and set in your ways.
If you are too rigid, these situations will tend to show up in your love life.
Not meeting many guys or only meeting the same kind of guys
Worrying about what happened, what’s happening and what might happen
Finding fault with and trying to change the other person
Waiting for something to go wrong
Trying to control things
Being skeptical and jaded
Letting the little things get to you
Over-analyzing what he says and does
Not enjoying the journey
The energy that comes from being too rigid keeps you from being radiant – it dims your inner beauty. The good news is learning to be less rigid and more open is completely possible.
How to be less rigid and more flexible and open
Being more flexible and open requires expanding your comfort zone. Experiment with these five practices and you will find yourself opening up to lasting love.
Be present In the present moment is where you are most able to be flexible and open. This is because when your mind is consumed and hijacked by negative thoughts, you are spending your time in the past or future. Spend as much time in the present by becoming aware of how your body feels. If you feel stressed and constricted, take some deep breaths – feel your energy flowing within until the stress and constricted feeling dissipates. Then notice that in the present, things are actually fine.
Set intentions Intentions help you stay more open while expectations keep you holding tightly to how things should be. For instance, set an intention to be your best self instead of having expectations of how you want things to go on your date. When your intention is to be your best self, things will happen the way they are meant to, and you won’t need to be concerned with if he is going to ask you out again.
Pay more attentions to actions than words It’s easy for someone to say what you want to hear. The real test of a guy’s intentions and what he really means comes from his actions. Instead of over-analyzing what he means by what he says, pay more attention to his actions.
Everything is for your greater good When difficulties happen, instead of shutting down and become rigid, believe that everything is happening for your greater good. This means understanding that there is a bigger plan for you than you are able to see from where you're at. When you learn and grow from these difficult situations, you will expand your capacity to be with what is. When you can be with what is, you are able to better respond from a place of clarity, flexibility and openness.
Relax and let things unfold naturally You have likely achieved success in many areas of your life from trying hard and putting forth immense effort. Finding success in love requires a different approach. Relax and let things unfold naturally by being your best self, listening to your intuition, and determining and living your core values. And you will open your heart to other ways for love to come into your life.
Be flexible and open so that you can approach love from love. In doing so, you will experience the journey to love with more ease, lightness and joy. What are three things you can start practicing to become more flexible and open?
If you’ve been disappointed from dating and heartbroken from on-again and off-again relationships, consider taking the approach that lets a man cherish, appreciate and respect you. Learn 9 juicy ways to bring out a man’s desire to woo you while staying true to yourself.
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Copyright Love for Successful Women, 2020.