Practical wisdom about dating, courtship, and relationships to improve your love life.
That was the story I told myself through my 20s. Now that I’m older and wiser, I see how my story of “bigger boobs mean a happier love life” negatively affected my body image and experience of love. My friend and I even talked about getting boob jobs, but then decided not to because of the adverse health risks. But I digress…
Having small boobs made me feel self-conscious. I didn’t wear shirts that were revealing, low-cut or tight, and didn’t like the way swimsuits looked on me. Instead, I wore bottoms that accentuated my slim legs and firm bottom. And even though I was with guys who said boobs were just excess fat, and there were guys who were “leg men” and “butt men”, I convinced myself that “bigger boobs” were better.
How my story caused me to reject myself
My story cast a shadow on how I showed up with men. I’m sure they could sense I wasn’t completely comfortable with my body. And when we’re not comfortable with our body, we aren’t comfortable in our body. Discomfort looks like this:
Wearing certain types of clothes to conceal those parts that make us self-conscious.
Not wanting guys to touch us in places we aren’t comfortable with.
Overcompensating by getting a boob job and wearing tight, low-cut shirts and dresses.
My story of “bigger boobs mean a happier love life” became “good-looking men like women who have bigger boobs” and also morphed into “women with bigger boobs are more confident”. In my teens and 20s, my story revealed how little I appreciated and valued my healthy body the way it was. It revealed my insecurities and made me realize that women with bigger boobs aren’t necessarily more confident.
This story also caused me to reject a part of myself, making it hard to love myself completely. Back then, self-love wasn’t a focus like it is nowadays. With so much focus on self-love now, you’ve most likely heard or know that when we love ourselves first, we get the love we’ve always desired.
With age comes the wisdom to tell myself a more empowering story
I was a bit wiser as I headed into my 30s and thankfully started to tell myself a different story. Because my disempowering story was so ingrained in me, my more empowering story didn’t happen overnight. It happened over time, and was a combination of knowing women with small boobs who had a happy love life, meeting better quality men who were genuinely interested in knowing me beyond my physical traits, and working on accepting and becoming comfortable with my body as a whole.
Truth be told, since I’m human, there are fleeting moments where the thought of having bigger boobs sounds nice. But then the words “padded bras” and “age gracefully” comes into my mind and I feel at peace with this healthy body of mine.
Tell yourself a more empowering story and live into it
If you’ve improved yourself in many ways, have changed for the better, and love is still elusive, you’re likely living from an old story that’s no longer helping you move to the love you desire. If this describes your situation, here’s what you can do.
Identify the story you’ve been telling yourself by stating it in one sentence.
Determine when that story originated and how it’s been holding you back from love.
Tell yourself a more empowering story — one that you can believe in that supports you in moving towards what you want.
Look for evidence that supports your empowering story.
For more about how stories define your experience of love, watch this short video. Care to share? Then let me know the more empowering story you’ll start telling yourself.
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Copyright Love for Successful Women, 2020.