Practical wisdom about dating, courtship, and relationships to improve your love life.
If you’ve been putting forth a lot of effort and are feeling exhausted by your love life, you’ve been swimming upstream against the tide. When swimming upstream, you end up trying so hard to make things happen. And instead of attracting love, you unintentionally push it away.
Drawing love towards you feels a lot like swimming with the tide — things flow and are pretty effortless. This approach actually helps you lean back and relax into your feminine essence. And when connected with your feminine essence, you nurture the kind of space that draws love in.
9 Practices to Connect with Your Feminine Essence
Put these 9 practices into your love life and you’ll begin connecting with your feminine essence and drawing love in.
Practice 1: Make peace with your past
The more heartache and pain you’ve experienced from men and relationships not working out, the heavier your heart and soul becomes. The heavy energy that permeates from that space makes it impossible to attract healthy, fulfilling and lasting love.
Release pain and heartache from past connections and relationships by doing the inner work — identify habits and patterns you’ve been repeating that keep you going in circles. Then do the work to straighten out those unsupportive ways of being and doing so that you can move more purposefully in the right direction. By doing so, you won't carry the residual energy of pain and heartache on dates or into your next relationship.
Practice 2: Respond more, initiate less
Initiating is very much like pursuing, which is a masculine trait. If you’re the one who constantly calls and texts him, ask when you’ll see him again, decide where you’re going on dates, and rush things, you’re pursuing him.
A masculine man wants to pursue you on his time. He needs space to think about you and miss you. If he’s really into you, he won’t let much time pass before contacting you. He’ll call and text you in between dates, make plans in advance to see you, talk about your future together, and introduce you to family and friends.
(Tip: Another form of initiating is constantly turning down his ideas and suggestions, and pushing your agenda. This makes him feel like he’s in a power struggle. When this happens too often, a high quality man won’t stick around. He will seek a woman who doesn’t seem to be as controlling and strong willed.)
Related article: Why You Should Respond and Not Initiate
Practice 3: Be clear on what you want
Determine and live by what’s most important to you. This means getting clear on your vision of love, core values, boundaries, what you’re willing to settle and not settle for, etc. Then using those as measurements on the way you’re treated and noticing how you feel when guys treat you in certain ways. Your feelings will reveal when your values aren’t being met or when a guy has crossed your boundaries. If things don’t feel right (i.e. you feel constricted, stressed, or icky in general), that’s a sign he’s not the one for you.
By getting clear, you’ll be less likely to be sidetracked by men and relationships that aren’t right for you. And whenever he initiates and you have a choice to make, you’ll be able to respond from clarity by choosing in favor of what you want.
Practice 4: Trust in the outcome
It can be hard to trust in the outcome when things aren’t going your way or when you have control in most areas of life. Yet, not trusting in the outcome makes you do things that sabotage the natural progression of a connection and relationship. Trusting in the outcome means accepting, allowing, and letting things unfold the way they’re meant to. When things happen the way they’re meant your results are more genuine since they haven’t been manipulated.
When you trust in the outcome, you’re open to what is and what will be. You let go and let the Universe (God or higher power) bring you what you’re supposed to have and who you’re supposed to be with. When you find yourself feeling tense, that’s a sign you’re trying to control things. It signals to the Universe that you don’t trust things to happen for you. So the next time you feel tense, take some deep breaths and relax. Then be open and trust things to unfold naturally. In doing so, you’ll receive a greater love than you could have imagined.
Practice 5: Cultivate instead of control
Love is like a flower and blooms on its own time when cultivated properly. While this concept may be easy to understand, its human nature to try and control things in order to have a certain outcome.
Controlling gives the illusion that you’re in control, making you think the action you’re taking will cause love to happen. Controlling is about trying to do and think your way to love.
Cultivating can make it seem like you’re passively waiting for things to happen. That’s not the case at all. Cultivating is about who you’re being that causes things to happen.
When trying to control, your body will feel ill at ease and things won’t feel natural. If this happens, pause and take some deep breaths to ground yourself. Then ask, “How can I let go of my need to control and be more patient and allowing?”
If you’re cultivating love, you’ll feel relaxed, hopeful and trust that things are unfolding the way they’re meant to.
Practice 6: Feel more, think less
To know if he’s Mr. Right, identify how you want to be feeling with him. For instance, if you’d like to be feeling happy, peaceful, secure, and yourself, notice how you are feeling when you’re with him, when you’re not with him, and when you think of him. If you are feeling happy, peaceful, secure, and yourself, these are good signs that he may be your Mr. Right. If he is Mr. Right, those feelings with be predominant within you.
Feelings are an accurate indicator of what you want when it comes to love. Letting feelings drive your decisions and choices makes the process easier, dissolves worry, keeps you from focusing on shallow and insignificant qualities, and makes you less likely to misread lust and infatuation as love.
Doubt is normal. But in a healthy relationship, doubts won’t overshadow the wonderful feelings you have. If he isn’t Mr. Right, feelings of uncertainty, doubt, and confusion will overshadow wonderful feelings. Letting things unfold naturally will better help you learn if he is the one.
Practice 7: Connect instead of compete
Going after what you want in love can make it seem like you are competing instead of connecting with a man. When it comes to love, a man doesn’t want to be with a woman who is a better man than him. Despite societal advancements and women’s lib, a masculine man is still wired to pursue a woman. If you tend to pursue a man (i.e. initiate, give too much, make plans, try to control, etc.), there is no space for him to pursue you. You also seem desperate which pushes him further away.
The way to develop and nurture a connection is by working with the way a masculine man is wired. Since they’re wired to pursue, create the space for him coming to you by relaxing, being open, and allowing what’s meant to be.
Practice 8: Do less, have more
Have you noticed that the more you do in your love life, the less you have? Less is more when it comes to love — the less you do, the more you’ll have. This is because the less you do, the less pressure a guy feels from you initiating, forcing and trying to control things to work out a certain way.
Being feminine is more about who you’re being and less about what you are doing. Connecting with your femininity is about tapping into your softer side and opening your heart. To find success in your dating life or romantic relationship with a masculine man, relax and let him pursue you. Connect with your feminine essence by responding more and initiating less, receiving more and not giving too much, and letting things happen naturally. You will experience more ease and joy on your journey, and have greater success in love.
Practice 9: Choose courtship instead of dating
Dating raises uncertainty and insecurities because physical intimacy tends to happen before commitment. When you have sex before you know that person’s integrity and intentions, your encounters won’t tend to turn into a healthy relationship. You’ll tend to behave and act in ways you think will please him, rather than show your real self. Instead of saying what you completely mean, you’ll only partially say what you mean.
When sex happens before commitment, you’ll tend to read more into the relationship than what is actually there. You’ll think there’s more of a connection then there really is. You’ll think he’s more into you than he really is. Then you’ll feel disappointed, sad or angry when things don’t work out.
Courtship brings about certainty and self-worth. In courtship, you and your partner take the time to get to know and care for each other, and develop trust. You’re both more vested in your relationship because of the time and effort you’ve put into each other. You’re physically intimate when the time is right for both of you and when you do, it is magical.
Courtship takes more courage because you have to be authentic, open, vulnerable, and live with not knowing the outcome. If you choose the path of courtship, you’ll become clearer on what matters most to you, what’s acceptable and not acceptable to you and realize your self-worth. You’ll feel cherished, cared for and respected.
The Big Takeaway
You can either continue swimming upstream and feel exhausted, or be relaxed by swimming with the tide. When relaxed, you create the place to truly connect with your feminine essence. This connection is the very thing that draws more of the right men into your space.
Choose one practice that helps you connect with your feminine essence. Practice that until you notice a positive shift and it becomes naturally to you. Then choose another one and do the same. Which practice will you begin with?
Related Article: 23 Feminine Qualities That Will Improve Your Love Life
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Copyright Love for Successful Women, 2020.