Practical wisdom about dating, courtship, and relationships to improve your love life.
Consequences of Having Sex Too Soon
If you’ve you let a guy rush you into sex hoping things would turn into more or have mistaken lust for love only to feel used when things didn’t work out, it’s okay. Instead of being angry or feeling bad, be kind and forgiving towards yourself. It’s not personal. A guy is used to getting his way with sex because many women let him.
In the moment, the consequences of having sex with a guy too soon may not be top of mind. If you like him, you may go along with what he wants because you want him to like you. Having sex early on clouds your judgment. It causes you to miss red flags, fall for a projection of who you imagine him to be and do things you normally wouldn’t do. This causes you to compromise your integrity at the expense of your self worth.
Why You Should Wait
A guy has no incentive to get to you know at a deeper level if you have sex with him too soon. He may connect with you physically for the time being. But if you’re looking for more, emotional intimacy increases your chances of a long-term relationship.
Emotional intimacy happens before sex and is about getting to know each other at a deeper, more meaningful level. You learn about each other’s values, world and life views, each other’s quirks, family and friends, how you connect in various facets of life and much more. When he has an emotional connection with you, he is more vested in you and can imagine you in his life.
Building a strong and meaningful connection takes time. It can’t be rushed or forced. The more time you spend getting to know each other and enjoying each other’s company, the more you learn if you are right for each other. And if the guy you’ve recently met is trying to have sex with you, instead of taking the time to get to know you, he is not "the one".
How to Set the Pace
Act as if you’re the rule, not the exception, to increase the possibility of your connection turning into a relationship. Having your ideal relationship means loving yourself first by setting the pace that is right for you.
Ask, “How can I discourage a guy from just wanting to have sex so that he can learn more about me?” “How can I dress differently to encourage him to get to know the real me?” “How can I come across as interested and friendly without being too flirtatious or touchy feeling?” Let your answers change the way you come off to guys. Ultimately, you want to dress, behave and act in ways that get him to want to know who you are before sleeping together.
Decline his offer if you’re looking for more than sex. Don’t send mixed signals by saying “no” and continuing to kiss him. If you might be interested in him and he wants to know why you won’t have sex, say something like, “I’m at a place in my life where I’m looking for more than a physical connection. For me, sex is an intimate expression with a man I feel emotionally connected to. When I have this type of connection with the right man, I know that we will have amazing sex.” After sharing this with him, you’ll learn if he’s interested in you as a person or as a sex object. A high quality guy will respect your wishes and wait until you’re ready for sex.
When guys have wanted to have sex with you early on, what have you done to set the pace?
The Bottom Line: Stay true to what you want. Let a guy woo you and only have sex with him when it feels right for you.
Related Article: Why You Should Delay Sex if You Want a Real Relationship
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Copyright Love for Successful Women, 2020.