Practical wisdom about dating, courtship, and relationships to improve your love life.
Dating for me was stressful, disappointing and painful at times. Being closed off to some men, judgmental about others, not feeling comfortable being my true self and getting lackluster results kept me from dating with ease. At different moments in my life, the thought of being single for the rest of my life seemed more appealing than dating.
However, my desire to be in a long-term relationship with a wonderful man was greater than my desire to stay single. In hindsight, my lackluster dating experiences were all for my greater good. They helped me learn, grow and date with more ease, eventually leading me to meet my husband.
If you’re having a hard time with dating, taking a different approach may help you enjoy dating with more ease. When you feel more at ease, the energy you radiate will attract higher quality men. Putting these 9 ways to date into practice will help you stay the course and lead you to that special someone.
9 Ways to Date with More Ease
1. Let Go of Expectations
When you’re dating, you may have expectations of how a man should be, how your dates will go, etc. These expectations don’t allow for serendipitous things to happen when you’re focused on how you think things should be. Letting go and being open to possibilities outside of expectations, lets things happen the way they’re supposed to. Instead of holding onto expectations, set intentions, let go and date with more ease. (Note to self: This isn’t about lowering your expectations about the type of men to date.)
2. Be Clear
Being a wishy-washy dater happens when you’re not clear on what’s most important to you. If you’re not clear, you may go out with almost any man or virtually no men. Be clear about what you want in a man and what you want to experience on dates. Knowing what you want helps you stay on track instead of getting sidetracked. (Note to self: Being clear isn’t about being too picky about superficial qualities and traits. If you’re too picky, you may miss out on meeting high quality men.)
3. Set and Maintain Your Standards
If you’re getting undesired results in your dating life, you may be (unknowingly) lowering your standards. Reflect on how your behaviors and actions are attracting these undesired results. Then set and stick to your standards by behaving and acting in ways that stay true to your integrity. In doing so, you teach men what you’re willing (or not) to accept, and in the process, attract more men who treat you with respect. `
4. Be Present
When you’re out on a date with a man you like, do you think thoughts like, “I wonder if he will ask me out again?” “I wonder what he thinks about me?” “I hope what I said didn’t turn him off.” Thinking these types of thoughts or questions keep you from being present. And connection happens in the present moment. When you find your mind drifting, gently nudge your mind back to the present. The likelihood of seeing him again increases when he experiences a good connection with you.
5. Say What You Mean
Have you ever agreed to go out with a man on another date, even when you don’t want to, because you don’t want to hurt his feelings. If you’re like most woman, being a people pleaser makes it hard to say what you mean and can cause anxiety. From this point forward, take small steps towards saying what you mean. For instance, try a transitional “No” if you aren’t able to say a direct “No”. A transitional “No” sounds something like, “Let me think about it and I’ll get back to you. The more you practice, the easier it will become. The benefits of saying what you mean far outweigh the anxiety you cause yourself. When you say what you mean, you stay true to yourself. You don’t waste his or your time. You don’t lead him. Instead, you’re both available to meet someone else who may be a better fit.
6. Listen to Your Intuition
If you find yourself rationalizing or justifying why you should go out on a date, notice that you’re talking yourself into something that may not be right for you. Don’t let your loneliness, wanting to break a dry spell, having to eat anyways, etc., do the talking. Listen to your intuition and let your feelings guide you in your decisions. If you feel good about the connection you’ve made through email, phone calls or texts, that’s a sign to go on the date. If there’s something off about the date that leaves you feeling disconnected towards him, that’s a sign to see if that disconnected feeling has something to do with you, if you’re just not feeling it with him, or to not to go out again.
7. Let Things Unfold Naturally
Have you tried to rush or force things to happen too soon when you’ve been interested in a man? If so, you may have revealed too much of yourself, had sex early on and created a false sense of intimacy, did whatever he wanted, etc. When you try for too much too soon, something happens which makes things awkward. The beauty of letting things unfold naturally is that you allow communication, connections and next dates to happen naturally. When things happen naturally, you get to learn about and experience each other in the truest sense. This healthier approach to dating has a higher likelihood of becoming a long-term relationship.
8. Have Faith
If you’re dating like you’re on a mission because you’re getting older and think you’re running out of time, just relax. This mission approach to find love sends the signal you don’t trust love to happen for you. This energy of desperation drives men away, especially high quality men. Focus on what you want, take the necessary steps towards having your heart’s desire, then let go and have faith that true love is yours. Love happens at any age.
9. Enjoy Dating
Instead of taking dating so seriously, relax and have fun. Men are drawn to a woman who is lighthearted and happy. If dating disappointments are making you jaded and skeptical, stop dating until you get your light heart and happy back. The dating experiences you’re having are all for your greater good, only if you’re open to learning and growing from them. Work on changing your mindset, opening your heart, accepting and embracing the nuances that come with dating and meeting different men. Then put yourself back into the dating scene and enjoy dating with more ease and success.
What to Do if You Feel Uneasy About Dating
Highs and lows in dating can be stressful and cause you to feel uneasy. When you feel stressed, instead of asking, “Why is this happening to me?” ask, “Why is this happening for me?” The shift from “to” to “for” may seem subtle, yet is powerful. “To” keeps you stuck. “For” helps you seek solutions that help you grow and move forward with more ease. How else can you date with more ease?
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Copyright Love for Successful Women, 2020.