Practical wisdom about dating, courtship, and relationships to improve your love life.
The Cycle of Being Single, Dating, in Relationships, Breaking Up, etc.
Every relationship status (e.g. single, in a relationship, separated, engaged, married, divorced) presents opportunities for us to enjoy and embrace. At different times in my life, I wasn't able to fully enjoy all of my relationship statuses. When I was single, I wanted to be in a relationship. When I was in a not-so-good relationship, I wanted to be single. When I experienced a painful breakup, I wanted to be in a good place as a single person. When we're not able to enjoy and embrace certain statuses, it's because we want to be at a different place.
Even though I was happy being single most of the time, my 20-year cycle of being single, dating, in relationships, breaking up, etc. was hard to enjoy and embrace. The reality is I wanted to experience marriage wholeheartedly, and at the same time, I would rather be single than settle for a half-hearted marriage. After two breakups with the man I dearly love, it became even harder to enjoy and embrace this place in my life until I took full responsibility in 2007 for my role in the demise of this and past relationships.
In hindsight, if I were able to accept and embrace what I wished were different, I would have learned the lessons I needed to learn sooner in order to move forward and create the love life I desired. Taking responsibility and doing the inner work to love myself and know my worth, helped me accept and not wish away these parts of my life.
10 Lessons Learned
Here is what I've learned that may help you accept, enjoy and even embrace where you're at in life.
Be Present - wishing that you're relationship status could be different, keeps you stuck (i.e. wanting to get back with your ex) in the past or future (i.e. wanting to be in a committed relationship). Life is lived in the present and when you’re stuck in the past or future, you’re not living life.
Take Responsibility – whatever happened in all of your relationships has to do with you. You’re the common denominator. Look at the unhealthy relationship patterns, outdated beliefs and limiting thoughts you have about men and love, and work on transforming these to support you in having the love you desire.
Do the Inner Work – improving your outer appearance only gets you so far in a relationship. While men are attracted by your outer appearance, your inner appearance is what keeps “the one”. When you do the inner work to love yourself and know your worth, you’ll attract a higher quality man.
Find the Gift – look for the gift in every difficult experience. For instance, if your relationships have ended because of poor communication, your gift is the opportunity to become an effective communicator who expresses yourself in the moment, from your heart.
Care for Yourself – doing for others and saying yes to their requests leaves you little to no time for yourself. Continuing down this path will leave you tired and resentful. Care for yourself by doing the things you love. Soothe your mind, body and soul; be kind to yourself; spend time in nature.
Find Your Worth – instead of seeking love, approval and acceptance from others, validate yourself. Finding your worth from within is about respecting and treating yourself well. Be good and kind to you. You teach others how to treat you by the way you treat yourself.
Know What You Want – get clear on what you want in a partner and love relationship. Stay on your path and don’t detour off your path with the wrong men and wrong relationships.
Live Your Passions – don’t get so focused on your love life and career that you neglect your passions. Figure out what’s most important to you and do it. What is it that you would love to do?
Trust the Universe – once you get clear on the love life you want, take action and behaviors from this place of clarity and leave the “how will love happen” up to the universe. You’ll find the Universe has a better plan for you, even better than you could have imagined.
Be Grateful – look for and appreciate the little things in life. The more grateful you are, the more positive energy you put out, and the more positive people and things you attract.
Wishing away your relationship status is detrimental to love. When you move quickly past a painful stage without experiencing and healing your pain, the pain itself or residual pain will resurface in another relationship.
If you're single or in a complicated relationship, don't be in a hurry to rush into another relationship. Enjoy and embrace where you're currently at and take action to arrive at your desired place. If you're telling yourself that you are completely happy being single, yet deep inside would like to be in a committed relationship, honor this desire. Live your single life happily while putting yourself in places to meet and date quality men.
Which of the lessons above will you start practicing?
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Copyright Love for Successful Women, 2020.