Practical wisdom about dating, courtship, and relationships to improve your love life.
Love can be challenging
Advancements and opportunities provided to women in the workplace have given the successful woman financial freedom. With financial freedom, women can buy a home, pay their bills, purchase luxury items and afford nice vacations. But, they can't buy love. If you’re a successful woman who is struggling to find success in your love life, it's not your fault. Over the decades, love has become a bit more complicated.
Back in the day, love relationships were easier because they were well defined. There was courtship instead of dating. Men wooed women. Now men and women hang out and hook up. Many people have sex thinking it’s the beginning of a relationship rather than having a relationship first and then expressing their love and commitment through sex.
Dating raises uncertainty and insecurities
In dating, physical intimacy tends to happen before commitment. When you have sex before you know who that person really is and what his intentions are, it’s the exception that your encounters will turn into a healthy love relationship. You'll tend to behave and act in ways that you think will please him, rather than show your real self. Instead of saying what you completely mean, you'll only partially say what you mean.
When sex happens before commitment, you’ll tend to read more into the relationship than what's actually there. You’ll think there's more of a connection then there really is. You’ll think that he's more into you than he really is. Then you’ll become disappointed, sad or angry when things don't work out.
Courtship brings about certainty and self worth
In courtship, you and your partner take the time to get to know and care for each other, and develop trust. You're both more vested in your relationship because of the time and effort you've put into each other. You’re physically intimate when it's right for both of you and when you do, it is magical.
Courtship takes more courage because you have to be authentic, open, vulnerable and live with not knowing the outcome. If you choose the path of courtship, you'll become clearer on what matters most to you, what's acceptable and not acceptable to you and realize your self worth. You'll feel cherished, cared for and respected.
You get to choose
Through most of my single years, I was dating, not realizing that I actually wanted to be courted, until I met my now husband. In hindsight, dating for me was about reacting to the men I met. This led me to feel uncertain and settle for less. Courtship was more about responding based on what was important to me, which then led to certainty and settling for more.
You get to choose whether or not you want to date or be courted. If you're consistently let down and feel unfulfilled in your experiences with potential partners, try letting a man woo you instead of date you. If he's a good man, this means being receptive to who he is and what he has to offer, rather than being resistant or controlling. It means letting him open doors for you, plan dates, pay for your meals (you can still offer), keep his word, give you flowers, etc. It means treating him with respect and trust, and accepting him for who he is.
Final note: If you’re a woman who is used to taking charge, don’t initiate or pursue men. If you do, there’s a high chance that you’ll end up in a “friends with benefits” relationship where he’ll sleep with you but won’t ask you out. You’ll end up settling for less than you deserve. Continuing to approach relationships as if you’re the exception to the rule (i.e. dating with physical intimacy before a commitment will lead to a relationship) is never in your best interest, unless you don't want a commitment. While it’s possible, it’s not probable. It’s your choice. Do you choose dating or courting?
Take the Does He Woo You Quiz? and learn if men tend to woo, date or use you. With this knowledge, you can decide to continue with love as is or make changes to improve your love life.
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Copyright Love for Successful Women, 2020.