Practical wisdom about dating, courtship, and relationships to improve your love life.
Most of us make moments matter that give us more of what we don’t want. This shows up when we get caught up in moments of fear like thinking we’re not good enough, being afraid to say what we really mean, pleasing others at the expense of our own happiness, or not doing what we know we should do. These moments add up and give us partners who don’t treat us well or we waste precious time in relationships that aren’t right for us.
If you’re disappointed and let down by love, you’re giving more attention to what you don’t want. If you relate to that and are feeling bad or judging yourself, please don’t. You’re only human and are doing the best you can in any given moment. You wouldn’t choose to do things in a worse way.
The good news is from this moment on, you can choose to approach love differently. Before we get into the approach of how to make every moment count in a beneficial way, here’s a closer look at why moments matter.
Why every moment matters
In any given moment, your thoughts, actions, and choices/decisions are creating your reality and future. These examples show why every moment matters and what you can do to make those moments count for your greater good.
If you’d like to feel deeply connected with your partner yet aren’t opening up for fear of being hurt, you’ll feel distant from your partner. Make these moments count by expressing how you’re really feeling and what you’re truly thinking without having an attachment to the outcome. The more you practice opening up, the easier it will be. In doing so, you’ll begin to experience that meaningful connection you desire.
If you’d like to be in a loving relationship with a great guy, yet are spending your focus, time and energy on your job, quality men will pass you by because everything you’re doing is going towards your job. Make these moments count by focusing time and energy on your love life. Spend time in places where your ideal man is. Release unsupportive habits and patterns to let your inner beauty shine.
Every moment matters because the only way to have what you truly want is to consciously create the right conditions by making better choices and decisions that are aligned with your heart’s desires.
How to make every moment count
Be conscious of what you’re thinking and how you’re feeling in any given moment, especially when you’re stressed and unhappy. In doing so, you’ll be better able to respond instead of react. When responding, things happen for your greater good and these moments add up to create your destiny. When reacting, you’ll feel powerless and continue the cycle of letting unhealthy love happen to you.
In every moment, you’re doing things and making choices that either move you closer to or further away from what you want. Get clear on what you want, focus your attention on your wants, and take action towards that – that’s the most direct way to the kind of love you desire.
Don’t make short term decisions hoping for the long term results you want. When making a choice or decision, ask, “Is what I’m about to do taking me towards or further away from what I want?” Say yes to people, situations and things that move you closer to what you want. Say no to what keeps you from what you want.
What to do when you’re having a hard time savoring particular moments
It’s hard to savor difficult moments, like when a guy you’re seeing is only texting you and not communicating with you in between dates. Or when a guy you’re in love with breaks up with you. In those instances, you may get sucked down into the spiral of negative emotions making you feel drained and exhausted. Or you might push those emotions away by keeping busy. But in doing so, the pain is still buried within you.
Negative emotions have a hold on us because our minds are thinking about what happened (in the past) or wishing things were different (in the future). When wishing things were different, you’re resisting what is. And it’s the resistance that causes your internal struggle which is compounded by the negative emotions you’re feeling.
When you’re having a difficult moment, consider that moment is where you experience greater growth and connect with your inner wisdom. In these situations, here are a couple of things to do…
Release the pain within by feeling into the negative emotions from the present moment. In doing so, acceptance replaces resistance, and the emotions dissipate and have less of a hold on you. This then opens of the space for more ease and clarity to come your way.
Ask expansive questions that help you open up to other perspectives and solutions. For instance, asking these questions will help open things up in a positive way: “How is this happening for my greater good? What am I meant to learn from this experience? What is perfect about what’s happened?”
Feeling into negative emotions from the present moment and asking expansive questions will help you move closer to what you want.
The Bottom Line
Make every moment count by choosing in favor of what’s most important to you and what you want. In doing so, you’ll be cultivating the ideal conditions for what you want to show up in your life. How will you make your moments matter?
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Copyright Love for Successful Women, 2020.