Practical wisdom about dating, courtship, and relationships to improve your love life.
"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it." ~ Rumi
How Walls Become Barriers to Love
Barriers sabotage our relationship because they keep us from being receptive to love. They keep us closed off, disconnected and responding from fear. We’re our own barriers to love by the unhealthy relationship patterns we perpetuate. Initially, we think our partner puts up barriers because of the way they respond or don’t respond, or because of what they do or don’t do. Only when we become aware that we continue attracting the same men over and over, we’ll see that we get in our own way.
Break Down Your Wall
Responsibility means breaking down your wall by uncovering the barriers that have kept you from true love. Ask yourself these questions.
What are my biggest challenges in love relationships?
What thoughts and beliefs frequently come up for me around love and men?
What are my self sabotaging traits and characteristics that continue showing up in my love relationships?
What type of men do I attract? What are their common characteristics, traits and values?
The more honestly you answer these questions, the more insight and knowledge you’ll have to take action in an empowering way.
For instance, a barrier could look like this. Your fear about how your partner might respond to a sensitive topic keeps you from communicating openly with him. This leads to real intimacy missing from your relationship and not feeling truly connected with your partner.
The opportunity is to determine ways to work around your barriers in a sustainable way.
Solutions to Keep Your Wall Down
Sustainable workarounds to the instance above could be to practice expressing yourself at the time sensitive topics come up by setting a good intention, visualizing a positive outcome and speaking from your heart. It lets your partner see who you really are so that you can be loved for you rather than who you think you should be. And you'll feel more connected to your partner.
The more you practice these workarounds, the better and easier things will become. Continue practicingfor at least 21 days and they will become a habit, a part of who you are. Be patient with yourself as you work around your barriers since it will be a different way of being and doing. Reward yourself for making progress. Taking steps to keep your wall down will lead to your ideal relationship.
What are your major barriers to love? For every barrier you’ve identified, what’s one workaround to that barrier that you can practice?
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Copyright Love for Successful Women, 2020.