Practical wisdom about dating, courtship, and relationships to improve your love life.
I’m convinced we know when a love relationship is over. The challenge is that our mind chatter keeps us locked into the why, how come, if only, wishing, wanting, etc. This prevents us from listening to our intuition -- the sure way to know whether or not it’s time to move on.
So, when is it time to move on? If you’ve continually experienced these situations, find the nearest exit door.
What are the signs?
His behavior doesn’t match what he says.
He doesn’t treat you well.
He doesn’t respect or value you.
You don’t respect yourself or know your worth.
He doesn’t introduce you to his friends and family.
He keeps you separate from his friends and family.
If you work in the same place, he ignores you, doesn’t acknowledge or speak to you.
There’s no contact or very little contact in between the times you see each other.
You continually question his behavior or the status of your relationship.
You’re depressed and sad more than you are optimistic and happy.
You’re not a better person with him in your life.
You’re not able to be who you really are.
You find yourself obsessing over every single detail and not knowing what to do.
You’ve had the “where do I stand”, “what’s going on with our relationship”, “how do you feel about me/us” talk with him and still have no answer.
How can I spot these signs? Women tend to put more focus on what their partner says versus what they do. My experience is that women place 80% of their focus on what he says and 20% on what he does. What he does is equally if not more important than what he says. For instance, if he’s constantly telling you how special you are but spends very little time with you, his actions are speaking loud and clear. Are you listening?
If you have doubts and are questioning your partner’s actions, your intuition is telling you something important. Pay attention because the answer to, “What should I do?” will reveal itself based on your partner’s behaviors and actions. Ask yourself, “What are my partner’s actions revealing to me?” Ultimately, you want and deserve someone whose words match his actions.
How can I move forward with ease? Until you find “the one”, you’ll always be moving on. Each time I’ve moved on, it’s brought me closer to knowing what I want, don’t want and eventually “the one.” These practices have helped me move forward with more ease and I believe they can do the same for you.
Accept and be present When you’re resisting what’s happening in your relationship, you feel pain which keeps you unhappy, sad, depressed, etc. Accepting what’s happening just means you don’t wish things were different.
Pay attention to your reactions about the situation. In order to pay attention, you need to be present to what’s going on in your mind. Observe yourself and the situation without judgment or attachment. Over time, you’ll notice that as you accept the situation for what it is, things resolve themselves peacefully.
Think of something that you are resisting about your partner, ex or relationship. Now that you have the image of that, watch yourself as if you are standing outside of your body looking down at yourself. Observe without judgment, without opinion, and without a positive or negative reaction. If your partner or ex is in the picture, don’t judge nor be critical of him.
Don’t try to solve the problem or figure out why the situation is the way it is. Just let yourself observe the situation like an outsider, without attachment. When you are done observing, let it go from your mind. If you find that you’re still resisting the situation, observe yourself again at another time when you’re thinking about it. Continue doing this until the feeling of resistance dissolves.
Whenever you feel resistance, practice this exercise. It may seem unnatural at first, but once you start to practice this, you’ll notice a positive difference in your life.
Learn from these opportunities The challenges that come from repeating the same unhealthy relationship patterns are disguised as opportunities for growth. Partners and relationships that aren’t right for you will keep coming into your life if you don’t work through these patterns.
Write down your unhealthy patterns that have shown up in all of your relationships. Then take action to transform them so that you can have your ideal relationship. For instance, not being able to communicate openly was an unhealthy pattern in all of my love relationships. While it took constant effort on my part, transforming myself into an open communicator was well worth it. In the end, my reward was a wonderful man who fully expresses himself.
Live your life Bring your attention back to your own life. If you’ve been focused on your partner, ex and relationship, it’s likely that you haven’t been fully living your life. Living your life means finding and doing what you’re passionate about. It means pursuing activities, hobbies and interests that have gone by the wayside. It means spending time with people who love and care about you. Living your life is much more attractive to men than putting all of your attention on him or the relationship.
Know your worth. Don’t shortchange yourself. When you respect, value and love yourself, the one you deserve will show up.
How do you know when it’s time to move on? If you know you should move on, what’s keeping you from finding the exit door?
Related Article: Should I Stay or Leave?
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Copyright Love for Successful Women, 2020.