Practical wisdom about dating, courtship, and relationships to improve your love life.
During my dating spree into my late 30s, I dated many good men and found myself in a short-lived relationship with a man that could have been “the one”. The only problem was after 3 months, he wanted to continue seeing me while dating other women. THAT was a deal breaker for me.
I began to think, “Maybe I’m not meant for lasting love… maybe the kind of meaningful love I desire just isn’t possible…”. After all, my 5-year relationship with the guy I thought I’d marry ended when I was 35 years old… even after doing all I could to try and make things work.
Two harsh truths learned from my quest for love
The next 5 years led me on a quest for love… from blind dates to dating sites, to reading books on men and love, to doing things like dressing a certain way and flirting… all of those things didn't moved me closer to “the one”.
It wasn’t until I turned 40 that I realized my approach of trying hard to find love was actually keeping love further away. Here are the two truths I’ve experienced.
The first truth is, when we’re trying hard to find love, we’re doing that from the space of something is missing. And when something is missing, the kind of guys who show up are missing the very qualities and traits essential to build meaningful and lasting love. That’s how you end up with guys who don’t pursue and cherish you, and that’s how you end up in relationships that go nowhere.
The second truth is, when we’re trying hard to find love, we’re looking for someone else to help us feel good about ourselves and boost our self-esteem. The reality is meaningful and lasting love happens when you’re ready – this means resolving your fears and insecurities about yourself, men, relationships and love, so you can show up as your best self and radiate the kind of energy that attracts higher-quality men who pursue and cherish you.
High-quality men aren’t looking to rescue a woman – the kind of woman who detracts from his life. They want a woman who is secure with herself, living an engaged life, and expressing her true thoughts and feelings. This kind of woman, no matter her age, appeals to high-quality men because she enhances his life.
Love happens when we’re ready, not when we want it
If your encounters with men are causing love to be elusive... if you're doing things to find love and are thinking, “Where is he already?”, it’s time to shift your thinking to, “On this journey to love, where am I and who do I need to be to attract “the one”?
Turn inward and reflect on where you're currently at and where you want to be. Between where you're at and where you want to be is the bridge you'll need to cross. For instance, let's say where you're at is looking to a man for your happiness, and where you want to be is feeling happy from within. What are the solutions that will help you feel consistently happy from within? For some, their happy from within is taking time for themselves and doing things that soothe their soul.
Remember, meaningful and lasting love won’t just happen because you want it. It happens when you’re being your genuine best self so you can feel good about who you are. When a man experiences you as a woman who feels good about herself, you'll be very appealing and visible to him.
He is on his way
If you truly want to draw the right man into your life, stop doing the things that conventional advice suggests. While that may be a temporary fix, it doesn’t lead to meaningful and lasting love. Instead, start being the kind of woman who attracts higher-quality men by becoming your best self.
The love you desire starts and ends with you. As you evolve into your best self, the signals you send into the Universe will bring forth “the one”.
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Copyright Love for Successful Women, 2020.